Written For Corey...

I realize from time to time there are things that I want Corey to know about me, about his father and me, about our life together. They may not be profound things to anyone other than me, but they are part of who I am. There are moments I remember about my 23 years with Les that have made me who I am at this point in my life - some good moments and some bad moments. Without Les there would be no Corey and without Corey there would be no Derek. So, I've decided that there are things I want my son to know. I want him to know that I too was once young. (At this moment in his life, Corey is now the same age that I was when I married his father). I want him to know that I was truly in love with his father. I want him to know that I experienced the same feelings of love for Les that he feels for Nikki.

So, every once in a while, a blog will come along that says "Written For Corey". It's his mother relating something personal, maybe something deeply personal that I want him to know. Whether anyone else reads it, it matters not to me. However, others need to remember, this is my blog and my posting for and to my child.

This all came about this morning as I was cleaning off my desk and I came across an old piece of paper where I had written a song title on it. I sat down at the computer, googled the title, asking for the video and a rush of emotions came towards me. It was a song sung by Kathy Mattea in 1991. You were 9 years old at the time. Every time this song came on the radio, I had to stop and listen to it. The first time I ever saw the video, I thought it was one of the most beautifully choreographed dances and I thought it was so tender and loving. It always reminded me of your father and I for the first years of our marriage. Every time I heard the song, it made me think of one occasion when we had gone to Louisiana to visit your grandmother. It was in the winter time, because I can remember lying in your father's bed with crisp, clean white sheets and wrapped in your father's arms with the window slightly opened letting in the cool night air. I won't go into any more details, but suffice it to say that that is the night which always comes into my mind when I hear this song.

It also makes me think of the nights that your dad and I would sit in almost total darkness, holding hands or snuggling up together on the couch, and listen to some record on the stereo with the music turned up. It was almost as though you could actually feel the love between us.

Listening to this song again made me cry. It made me cry because of my loss of young, true real love. It made me cry for things that didn't work out. It made me cry because of some many unfulfilled dreams, needs and wants during the demise of my marriage. It made me cry because of a loss of youth and what could I have done differently?

So, when you listen and watch the video, you will most likely not have the same feelings as I do when watching it, but then, isn't that why music is so special? It makes persons react in different ways and it caters to our emotional needs.

Music Video:ASKING US TO DANCE (by Kathy Mattea)

(The picture is our engagement picture taken in the spring of 1978).