Making Decisions

The first week in November Joe was admitted to the hospital again for ultimately finding out he had fluid on his brain. After everything he's gone through in the last year and a half it seemed as though he's just about exhausted every medical problem from the top of his fuzzy head to the bottom of his eight remaining toes. But, it seemed there were more things to go wrong with him.

This medical emergency was so much more different that anything I'd experienced with him before. There was more of an urgency - a crisis - an impending disaster that was spiraling quickly out of control. The ER doctor and staff must have felt the same as Joe was only in the emergency room for a very few minutes before being rushed to the intensive care unit.

I knew this was so much more different and critical than other hospital stays just by the way the doctors and nurses acted and the rapid settling into the ICU. And then it began.

I was asked if we had a Living Will on file with the hospital? Not on file, but we have one. Yes, I will go home immediately and get a copy and be right back. Then it was explaining the Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) policy. Did I understand that it might come to this point? Yes, No, I didn't. I didn't want to discuss this right now. "Mrs. Weaver you need to be prepared". Sign this consent for ______. Do you give us permission to ______?

This is one of the times that Joe was hallucinating and kept picking at his gown.  Joe was not even aware that I was in his room when this picture was taken.

Then after the worse was over, it was doctors talking to me about possible extensive rehabilitation in a facility for several weeks. Then it was another doctor talking to me about the possible putting Joe in a nursing home. All this was more than I felt I could handle. No more talking to people - no doctors, no family, no friends, NO ONE! I just wanted to be left alone and process what my mind could and would understand. I made one call. I called Marla - my dear friend who had gone through a similar situation a little over a year ago. She had everyones phone numbers of who I would call if I could. I gave her the facts - nothing more - and she made the calls to family and friends and for someone to come give us priesthood blessings. In the end, Joe got to come home virtually a new man. Between the spinal tap and the blessings from my Heavenly Father, Joe has been able to function a great deal on his own. He still has cognitive problems. He doesn't understand things dealing with time. He still has balance problems. He still has orientation problems. There are still so many things wrong that will never be right, but he's home.

Joe kept pulling out his oxygen tube, trying to take out his I.V., and picking at anything else that was attached to him.  Because he wouldn't quit, they eventually had to restrain his arms.

What people won't/don't understand is that with all the decisions I have to make, my own thinking gets stuck sometimes. Making financial arrangements, choosing the right kind of services, filling out and signing immeasurable amounts of paperwork, trying to second guess what Joe might do next, figuring out ways to make his life easier and more manageable, trying to find life insurance on someone that no one wants to cover - I get overwhelmed by all the pros and cons of the various options. Sometimes I can't decide what's best. And, I'm trying to do all this while attempting to maintain some semblance of normalcy by holding down a low-paying job with no benefits. I do the cooking, cleaning, the grocery shopping and making sure that Joe goes to all of his appointments and has everything he needs when he is gone from the house. Every morning it's making sure that he has bus tickets, his medications, his lunch for after dialysis, his drink and snack for during dialysis, making sure that his pants, his belt, his shirt, underwear and socks are laid out and ready for him to put on the next morning. Some may argue that lots of people do that everyday. Yes, that's true and I know that I don't have it as bad as some others may. But, some may need to understand that this is my husband - I am not an old person nor am I a young one either. This is supposed to be the wonderful years of our lives and our marriage. Even Joe now recognizes that he is no longer like a husband, but rather like my child and that hurts - both of us.

What I've noticed is that the harder I push myself to decide, the more confused I sometimes get. If I'm not getting the results I need, it makes sense to stop pushing for a while. It makes sense to tell others that I will get back to them as soon as possible. I can set aside my deliberation and no something else until my mind clears or I can just sit quietly. I can pray and ask my Heavenly Father for direction, for some type of insight as to what I should and need to do. Eventually I will get my quietness and get my answer, my solution.

I look forward to 2012 in the hopes that maybe the worse is behind us. And, if it's not, maybe I've got an adequate amount of past experience under my belt to help me make those decisions I may be faced with in a calmer and more peaceful, tranquil way with complete faith that my Heavenly Father knows what I can handle.

January 2011 Hospital Visit

Yes, it's true. Joe wound up back in the ER on January 10th. It was his first visit back to the hospital since last November. I had tried calling him while I was at work. After attempting do do so for about 45 minutes and couldn't get him to answer the phone, I called the Sheriff's Department as I was told that they would send someone to check on him. Remember I was 45 miles away from Casper.

I told the dispatcher where to find the key so they wouldn't have to kick the door in if necessary. When the deputy arrived, he found Joe unconscious on the kitchen floor and called the ambulance took him away. The Sheriff's Department called me and then I left the field immediately to meet Joe at the ER. He had apparently given himself too much insulin and made his blood sugar go extremely low - 35. (He is no longer allowed to dispense any of his medications). When he collasped, he hit his head on a kitchen counter and during a seizure, he kept scrapping his feet on the bottom of the kitchen shelves .



He was finally released when he blood sugar returned to normal after several hours.

Ministering Missionaries

One of the nights that Joe was in the hospital, he had become critically ill. A Code Blue had been called on him, he had contracted a seemingly life-threatening infection, he was basically incoherent and the list went on and on. I had had someone contact the bishop as Joe's situation was became very dire and I felt that only a priesthood blessing would help him survive at this particular time.

The bishop and one of his counselors arrived to administer a blessing. However, medical staff was in his room with blood being drawn, IVs being hooked up, etc. We stepped out of his room and went into the empty room next door where I myself was given a blessing.

We then went back into Joe's room, but the scene had not calmed down and unfortunately the bishop and the brother had to leave for a meeting and would try to come back as soon as possible. After they left, I tried to be with Joe, but there was just too much still going on. I then decided to go down to the waiting room and call a few people to update them on Joe's condition. I was in the process of calling Nikki when out of the corner of my eye I spied two white shirts and backpacks walking down another hall. I jumped up and went running after then just knowing that these had to be Mormon missionaries. It was. I called after them, introduced myself and told them that I needed someone to give my husband a blessing.


One elder looked at the other and said, "See I told you we were supposed to come to the hospital tonight". They went on to explain that they were on their way home (which is the opposite side of where we live), were near the hospital and felt that they should go in. How they decided to go to this particular floor, at this particular time and be needed for a particular purpose I only can believe was a miracle.

We went into Joe's room where they spoke to him briefly and commenced to pronounce a blessing upon him. I have listened to many blessings in my life, whether given to me or while being given to someone else. Never in my life though was I able to retain and remember vividly two promises given to Joe in his blessing. He was promised to be restored to his full health and that angels would surround him and be in attendance for him. What comfort this was for me. I knew that my Heavenly Father would protect and care for Joe and he did even though Joe stayed in the hospital for another two weeks and he got worse before he got better.

I have faith that those missionaries were divinely lead to the hospital that night and that I was where I was at that particular time because that's where my Heavenly Father wanted me to be.

After returning home and feeling somewhat better, I contacted those missionaries and had them as guests in our home and fed them dinner. I know that I will most likely never see them again, but they will always remain someone special in my heart. How thankful I am that they were worthy priesthood bearers who listened to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Hospital Stay #4 - 11/2/10

I enjoyed my long weekend too well. When I should have gone to bed at my usual 10:00 pm to get up at 4:00 am, I was still playing around on my computer. I was thinking about all the things I'd like to write on my blog. I haven't written much on the blog in the last few months. Life got a little bit crazier than I'd like it to be and a little less "normal" and planned. So, I went to work Monday morning feeling like I had only had three good hours of sleep. And I had. I'd only had three good hours of sleep since it was about 1:00 am when my eyes finally closed.

Monday evening after coming home, picking up Joe to ride with me to drop off dinner at a friend's home, and then fixing and eating our dinner, I decided it was time for me to go to bed early. Around 9:00, I kissed my sweetie, wished him luck that his Indianapolis Colts would win their football game, I went and crawled in bed.

Somewhere around 12:30 am, I woke up out of a perfectly wonderful sound sleep - not to use the bathroom, not to the barking of the dogs, not because of a bad dream. I noticed the light outside the bedroom door which indicated the light was still on in the living room. That's normal some evenings because Joe will sometimes sleep on the couch so as to not disturb my rest and leaves a light on so he can see his way to the bathroom. I turned over in the bed to settle in again, but decided I should get up and see when Joe was coming to bed.

I walked into the living room and discovered him lying totally straight and prone, face down on the carpet. My first thought was what was he doing like that. I called his name, called it again only louder as I walked towards him. That's when the panic began to set in. No answer from him and no movement from him. I hurriedly rolled his body which which felt like what I would imagine to be his dead weight. He was saturated with water and discovered that sometime he had apparently vomited. Still no response and I wondered if he was indeed still alive. I got my answer when I saw breath coming from his mouth and that he mouth needed to be cleaned out. I ran to the kitchen, got some clothes to clean out his mouth. I then tried to check his blood sugar, couldn't get blood, tried again, but had misplaced his monitor. It was then that I knew I needed to get him on his side and call 911. The wait for the ambulance to arrive seemed to take forever. I had to throw on some clothes, unlock the front door, still speak to the person on the end of the line and try to hold Joe up on his side.

The EMT's arrived and were never able to have him regain consciousness and prepared him for the ride to the hospital.

Each and every morning before I put my car in park, I have a prayer and some conversation with my Heavenly Father. One of the things I always ask for is to bless Joe in whatever he does and to guide and protect him while I am gone throughout the day. I also ask for patience and guidance and wisdom to know how to help and care for Joe.

My prayers were answered once again yesterday morning. Small miracles became a big blessing for Joe and me. (1) I woke up for no apparent reason. (2) I got up to check on him rather than just rolling over and going back to sleep. (3) Since Joe had gotten physically sick, somehow he wound up face down rather than still lying on his back. Had that not happened, he would have drown in his own vomit most likely. (4) I had the wisdom to know to turn him on his side. Because of these miracles and blessings, there is a wonderful outcome to all of this.

Though Joe wound up in the hospital and no reason for the unconsciousness has been determined, he is doing wonderfully well now and should be home tomorrow if all goes well.

These pictures show something that has been stuck up one of Joe's nostrils. The parmedics had to insert a tube into his throat through his nostril to help him to breathe. It has had to remain in his nose since then until the blood clots or he could bleed to death.

Here We Go Again...

Joe is back in the hospital - again. Yes, we went a grand total of 54 days since his realize from the last hospital visit. Here's the timeline for this stay thus far...

Friday - September 17th - Joe and I spend our day going to various doctor appointments and running errands. One of those doctor visits include blood lab work being done to determine all of his various kidney function levels. The word is not good. I get a call from the doctor saying Joe needs to be brought to the hospital Outpatient Department to receive some intravenous Lasix to relieve his kidneys. We go and that takes about three hours and we leave to go home around 7:00 pm. All is well.

Saturday - September 18th - Joe spends a miserable day of not being able to urinate. And, he's gained six additional pounds over night. The hard decision is made about 6:00 p.m. to go to the Emergency Room and have him checked out. We feel as though we know what the decision will be - admittance once again. We're right. After moving from the primary Emergency Room waiting area to another waiting room that is less crowded and more spacious, we are escorted to an examination room. It's the same room we been in before. It's the same room that Joe was in when he suffered his heart attack. Katie Jo comes to see us. See was in the er when Joe came in by ambulance after the heart attack and she recognizes him. Joe's nurse is almost familiar. She too is a rerun.

After three hours of waiting with Joe trying to not "freeze to death" under a stack of warmed blankets, numerous questions that have been asked countless times, i.e., what meds do you take, previous hospitalizations, how long has this been going on, etc., etc., etc., we are finally taken upstairs where Joe is shown his new temporary living space. We are back on 5th floor. The place we'd left 54 days ago. I began to feel as though we were in some type of time warp. How could we be here again? And, once again there were all these familiar people.

Room 500 - This is Joe's new home from Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Waahoo! He is coming home on Friday if all goes well. He's being given blood transfusions chocked full of iron. He's going to turn into Superman!

My New Coping Skills To Handle Stress

With Joe spending almost a week in the hospital, I found out that I developed a couple of coping skills to handle my stress:

1. Biting my fingernails - this was done in stages and over the course of several days. By the time Joe came home from the hospital, I had no long fingernails at all. Corey always said he could tell when I was happy and contented - when I had long fingernails.

2. Eating! It appears that when my regular routine was disrupted, so was my way of being aware of what and how I was eating. It was though I had to eat my way through the fast food industry in Wyoming. One night I knew I just had to have some chicken strips and a Beef n' Cheddar so I stopped by Arby's. When I arrived at Arby's, I discovered they no longer had chicken strips which threw my whole plan of action out the restaurant door. I stood there for about 10 minutes, not able to make up my mind what I was going to do (remember I'd been up for almost 34 hrs) and I just left purchasing nothing.

I then headed to Dairy Queen where I knew they had a chicken strip basket, which I did buy after requesting and waiting for freshly fried french fries. Walking out the door, I spotted the Long John Silver's across the street and suddenly thought how great some fish would taste too. So, I drove across the street there and purchased a 2 pc. fish dinner. When I got home, I only all the meat, some of the fries and my coleslaw.

The next night was a trip to the Subway where I purchased two foot longs because I couldn't decide which one I wanted.

There was a trip to the Burger King just because I hadn't been to a Burger King in months.

The only reason I didn't hit the Taco Bell was because I had had some enchiladas at the hospital buffet earlier in the week.

I rationalized my eating habits by the fact that I hadn't eaten anything all day some of those days. I will be so glad when all returns to normal this coming week so that I can begin to control my eating habits again. All I know is that eating this way was my way to cope with Joe's latest hospital stay.

More Excitement With Joe - Again!

Last week Joe wasn't feeling well - it was like a bad cold. After being medicated with a cold medicine with an expectorant, I finally made the decision to take him to the emergency room. He had begun exhibiting symptoms of delusion, hallucinating, running a high temperature, vomiting, etc. After an examination, he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and some heart failure.

This is what he looked like when he was taking one of his brief naps. (That'll teach him to go to sleep).

How do you like his "tiger paw" socks?

Here is Joe trying to put his oxygen line back in his nose - backwards...

Here is the end result...

Here he is doing one of his many breathing treatments...he called this smoking his peace pipe... (We found out later that the medicine used in the treatment was one of the contributing factors to his loss of kidney function).

This is his George Washington look. The washclothes were put on his head to cool him after his temperature spiked and just before he was moved to ICU. One of the nurses commented that he looked like George Washington and all he needed was black buckled shoes to go with his white "pantyhose". (He really was sick here, but I couldn't resist taking this picture).

This lovely creature is modeling a new line of white pantyhose that help keep blood clots from forming (and don't you love the cute little dress too)...

At home in his ICU room...

After spending two days here and getting a handle on his pneumonia, Joe was then transferred to another hospital for them to deal with it and his renal failure problem...

All of this has occurred from last Thursday until today (Monday). Though the pictures look deceiving, Joe has been and is still very sick as he is still running high temperatures every afternoon, still battling his pneumonia, trying to get his kidneys functioning semi-normally, etc. I just want him home.

(And he was released finally on Tuesday evening to return home).

Deja Vu'

Same song, second verse. Joe had a return engagement with his surgeon on Thursday. This time it was to pull, yes pull, about four inches of the implanted catheter out of his peritoneal cavity (his tummy area). Yuck, gross!!! No, neither of us have seen what it looks like yet as it's taped to his stomach at this time.

We thought about selling tickets to gawk at his tummy worm. That might help pay some of the medical expenses I'm sure we are accumulating.

Joe + Outpatient Surgery = More Fun Than Humans Oughta Have

Nothing seems to be simple with Joe anymore when it comes to his health. He went in for his outpatient surgery last Wednesday to insert a catheter in preparation for his dialysis. It was supposed to be an uncomplicated surgery and I had fully expected to be back at work sometime after lunch. He was going to stay at Mom and Dad's and rest until I came back for him. Yeah, right.

We were supposed to be registered at the Outpatient Clinic by 8:30 a.m. We arrived on time and waited and waited and Joe was finally called back to begin his preparations. I was told I'd see him again in about 45 minutes. Yeah, right. Luckily for me I had someone to keep me company for awhile. Tiffany Stewart, a friend of mine who I worked with in Valdosta, came and spent some time with me catching up on anything and everything. When she left, I got to spend some time with one of my old daycare moms.

When I finally got to see Joe, He was prepped and ready for surgery complete with a happy pill to make him wander off into la-la land. He had enough strength and clarity of mind though to throw me a kiss. However, after attempting to have continuous, understandable conversation, he finally gave into the drugs. Yeah!!

Finally it was time for him to be wheeled off for his operation and off he went.

Some four hours later he returned looking like: (1) the newest member of the Teletubbies; or (2) someone imitating a butterfly cocoon. Actually he looks snug as a bug in a rug, huh?

After a couple of hours, it was time to make his break...

After finally making it home after picking up a medication for Joe, changing sheets and fixing dinner, I finally got Joe in bed about 7:00 p.m. When I went to check on him about 10:30, I discovered that he'd "sprung" a leak around his incision and was spurting blood. Needless to say, I wound up taking him to the emergency room. We finally arrived back at home around 1:30 a.m. after some incision repair and finally made it into bed around 2:00 a.m. Waahoo! So much for routine outpatient and making it back to work. But, thus far all is going as well as expected for someone with a 3 inch incision below his navel.

(Don't you know that Joe just loves having these pictures made of him? That'll teach him to be high on hospital drugs and not know what's happening around him, huh)?

"The Other Shoe Dropped" or Joe's Luxury Vacation In The Hospital

Waiting for an announcement or event to occur after an initial announcement or situation. When waiting for the other shoe to drop, one expects a pending situation to occur that is dependent upon an initial event.

This definition describes the Weaver household. I had a conversation with Dad a couple of weeks ago, and I've even stated in one of my earlier blogs, that life has been great for Joe and me in the last few weeks. I even went further and said that I wondered how long this would last - "when would the other shop drop"? Well, the other shoe dropped. It began last week... Thursday, June 26 - I came home from work and found Joe asleep in the bed. That wasn't unusual as he had become quite fatigued in the last few weeks with little energy to do much of anything. I had even tried to contact his doctor that morning thinking Joe might be coming down with the summer cold I'd been nursing. What was frightening to me was the way Joe looked. His entire face was severely swollen, as well as his eyes. His breathing was extremely labored and he could hardly move. I wound up calling Dad and asking him to find someone to come out and give Joe a blessing. Glen Ritchey and Dennis Thibault came and gave Joe a wonderful priesthood blessing. I am convinced that that blessing allowed both Joe and I to have our best night's sleep in a very long time. It was as though his body went into hibernation and,therefore, his breathing was not a problem during the night.

Friday, June 27 - I called the for an appointment. Found out the doctor was swamped and no way to see him. Took him to the walk-in clinic where he was seen in less than five minutes after arriving. After stepping on the scales, it was discovered Joe had gained 24 pounds in 4 weeks. The doctor perceived almost immediately that Joe was in trouble with congenital heart failure brought on by possible kidney failure. He started paperwork for hospital admission and we were off to the hospital. After receiving a catheter and an IV in his hand, Joe was eventually moved upstairs for an extended few days stay. Originally, there was another person sharing his room, but within 30 minutes that person was moved to a private room. So, Joe had his own room for the night. Yeah!!!

Saturday, June 28 - Due to drugs and the catheter, Joe eliminated massive quantities of fluid. (Did I say massive as in a bajillion bunch of fluid)? He gets another roommate - this guy has heart troubles and is brought in by EMT's from Nashville. He has a long ponytail and is wearing dark blue "whitie tighties" complete with his very short, very small blue hospital gown. I saw it more times that I wanted since he had to pass through our side of the room on his way to the little boy's room. (Come to think of it, I've seen waaaay too many men's backsides in the last few days). We were also paid a visit by the hospital dietitian. She discussed the Diabetic Diet, the Low Sodium Diet and the Renal Diet. What it amounts to is that Joe will never get to eat his favorite "good" food again such as ice cream, pizza, bacon, bran cereals, etc. Come to think of it, Joe may never eat again other than green beans and jello.

Sunday, June 29 - Spent part of the morning with Joe and then slipped into Sacrament meeting, taking Mom and Dad home afterwards. That's when Joe called me and life began to change for us. He had just been told that he was going to have to begin having dialysis as soon as possible. That's when "the other shoe dropped". Life was no longer going to be the same for either Joe or me.

Monday, June 30 - Joe and I got to watch an Oscar nominated video about the different types of dialysis. Bring on the popcorn and the soda water and where was the red carpet? At the conclusion of the film, Joe got to pick from a veritable smorgasbord of fantastic dialysis options. After discussing the various options and asking any questions we had, he opted for the peritoneal method. This is done through a catheter implanted near his belly button and hooking up a couple of bags. This is done while sleeping at night. Cool, huh? He is going to look so cool wearing his Darth Vader breathing mask and having his tummy tuned up while sleeping. I can hardly wait to hear the symphony of sound that will be emitted from his side of the bed. Later on the doctor came in and told Joe that next Wednesday his surgery will take place. Did I hear someone say it was time for Joe to pack up and leave? Not yet. Bummer! By the way, his roommate left for open heart surgery in Albany this afternoon. I commented that it looked like he'd be sleeping alone. Not 30 seconds later, they brought in a new patient. Forget any sleep for Joe tonight unless they dope him up multiple times. The new old guy came in from ICU and was somewhat confused (that would be an understatement) in his mind. He kept asking me to tell him when the ambulance arrived to pick him up. If they didn't show up soon, he wanted me to call the police or the Sheriff's Office. He kept moaning and groaning and tried climbing out of his bed. Not a good idea since he had lots of tubes. He wound up being restrained and given some type of painkiller which knocked him out for a while. Yeah!!! Maybe Joe will sleep tonight after all especially since he was given multiple sleep aids. Good night darling. Maybe you'll be home tomorrow night.

Tuesday, July 1st - Stopped by the hospital about 6:30 a.m. to drop off clothes and shoes for Joe just in case he got to come home today. While there, Dr. Graham stopped by and it appears that Joe would finally be cut loose. Waahoo! I went on to work and received a call later on from Joe saying that he was trying to get dressed. Unfortunately, someone brought a pair of shorts that was way toooo big considering Joe has lost 30 lbs. in four days with no belt to hold them up and oh no, there was no undersquare either! What was a man to do? Just stay in the hospital? Borrow the gown promising to return it when he returns next Wednesday? Put on the shorts sans undersquare and just stuff your shirt inside hoping you can escape the hospital without a wedgie and/or plumbers butt? Bingo!!! So, Nancy came to Joe's rescue and spirited him away to Mom and Dad's house where it is reported that he take a very, very, very, very l-o-n-g nap.

So, it's more excitement for Joe when he returns as an outpatient next Wednesday to have his catheter implanted near his belly button. Yuk!

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Disclaimer: No person named Joe was harmed while photographing took place by unknown patient paparazzi. The purpose of the pictures was to show that Joe tried to maintain a hygiene regime even while incarcerated, oops meant vacationed, at Tift Regional Medical Center. The photographs also document the exuberance and excitement Joe felt while a gues of TRMC.

Joe would also like to thank his many fans and friends for their candlelight vigils held on his behalf and all those who made the long trek from the parking lot to his room number 352 in the heat or rain. He would also like to thank the excellent staff who continually cared for him at ALL times of the day AND night.