Someone Really Does Understand

Near the end of last year, one of the staff members at the Senior Center gave me a couple of books to read. She felt that they might help me cope with everything going on with Joe. I laid the books on the ottoman in front of the couch and that's where they laid for many, many days. One day I finally got around to opening up one of them and read the page for that date and started bawling like a baby. I read...

"I hesitate to go to a regular gathering for prayer or worship even though the music and messages soothe my soul. It's comforting to be there, but I can't stay. In this safe and tender place, tremendous sadness, too long restrained, breaks loose. I can't hold back the tears. I slip out to my car and can barely see through the wetness to get home.

It's too much for me to stay and try to explain to everyone how tired I am, how much it hurts, how out of control everything seems. But I know it's good for me to go there from time to time. Even when I can't stay, I am cradled for a while by the sacred sounds and sights and silences. I feel the understanding, the hope, the eternal caring. The tears find release there and the grief pours out."

Some really does understand what I experience on a regular basis. Thank you. Many times I have been forced to not attend church because of how Joe was feeling and I was afraid to leave him at home along. Many times we have gone together but been unable to stay for very long because of some emergency which has happened. There have been times when he has had to be assisted by others to walk to the restroom or back out to the car.

On those occasions that I have left him at home tucked securely into bed, I have hurried to the chapel to either sit through Sacrament Meeting or to attend Relief Society. During those times, as I entered the chapel I have felt overwhelmed by a sense of peace and comfort. I knew that I was in a place where I could sit on the back pew or row and just let my tears flow. I knew that I was in a place where my brothers and sisters in the gospel loved me and comforted me. It was like coming home to a family reunion and feeling immeasurable love. I, too, have gone and sat in my car and cried because my heart felt so full and I felt some release from my daily life just listening to the music and sitting in the chapel.

My Ward Family - Casper 6th Ward

Sacrament Meeting was so great this last week.  I would have written about it earlier, but I couldn't find the piece of paper I'd written notes on.  I don't normally take notes, but after a very few minutes, I knew this was going to be an exception.  Everyone's talk was fantastic - an answer to my earlier uttered prayer asking for something special for me that morning.  And, He delivered an answer to my prayer through the efforts of the two adult speakers.

Tara spoke about the rewards of a ward family.  Let me see if I can reconstruct what I remember and what I wrote down.

Heavenly Father planned for us to be born into a family—the most basic, most hallowed, and most powerful group on earth. And it is within the family that some of the most important learning we’ll ever gain takes place. In addition to that family group, the Lord also provided the ward or branch family—the basic ecclesiastical unit to which we all belong as members of the Church of Jesus Christ.

A ward is another place where there is enough commitment and energy to form a sort of “safety net” family for each of us when our families cannot or do not provide all of the teaching and growing experiences we need to return to Heavenly Father. We need to expand our appreciation of the power of the ward family and renew our commitment to participate positively in that community of Saints.

First, ward families provide a sense of belonging. In a ward, as in a family, every person is different and valuable. Paul said:

“For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; …“For the body is not one member, but many”. The Savior instructed that we should meet together often and forbid no one.

Our Wyoming ward has definitely provided us with a sense of belonging since our move.  Not too many days went by before I received a visit from my Relief Society president with a small gift and a listing of telephone numbers and information about our new ward.  (My posting on Saturday, January 10, 2009 entitled We Had Our First Official Visitors tells about this). 

Next, ward families provide the reassurance of listening ears. The surest way to increase our love for someone is to listen with patience and respect. I believe our baptismal covenant demands this. How can we “mourn with those that mourn” and “bear one another’s burdens” if we don’t listen to know what those burdens are?  I was provided with a visiting teacher who has since become one of the dearest people in my life. She's like a sister to me and our lives have had so many parallels that has provided us the understanding to feel sincere empathy for each other.

Never at any time have I never, ever been alone when Joe was in and out of the hospital unless that was what I specifically requested.  Even then there were still people who would not take "no" for an answer.

Third, ward families provide encouragement. When friends express confidence in me, especially when I feel overwhelmed by difficult circumstances, the light at the end of the tunnel burns brighter. A steady belief in ward members can often be of far more value than cookies, casseroles, or loaves of bread.  I remember writing several blog posts beginning in August of 2010 where my ward family exemplified this especially after Joe's heart attack.

George Eliot, a 19th-century English novelist, said, “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult to each other?” We can make life less difficult for each other as we make our wards emotionally safer places: by being kind, accepting, tolerant, supportive, and positive.

Ward families are a refuge.  Though my family and friends in Georgia and Utah and places in between offered their encouragement and prayers, there was only so much that they could do because of distance.  Therefore, many things that I needed from a physical or emotional immediate need came from my ward family.  I remember saying on many occasions, especially to my dad, that although I was alone many times, I never felt lonely.  And, should anything have happened and I lost Joe, I would have remained in Casper primarily because of my ward family.  Many thanks to the Pats, the Marlas, the Jans, the Sherrys, the Karens, the Caseys, the Mollys, the Bobs, the Bills, the Cordells, the Micheles, and all the others that have loved me, that have loved us.

Speaker No. 2 (name unknown) spoke about looking for the small things to do for others.  I try to do so whenever possible because I was and have been so blessed by the small things others have done for me.

I believe that it was him that told the story about "Snowman" based on a talk by Joseph B. Wirthlin.  It's too long to write about so read about it.  http://lds.org/general-conference/2006/04/the-abundant-life?lang=eng&query=snowman+joseph+b+wirthlin

So, I was spiritually fed on Sunday and I could have sat through a rerun of it again.