Last Minute Prayer

Today was like any typical Saturday workday when I am alone at the office until about 1:39 this afternoon.  And then, that's when everything changed.

My job requires me to supervise parents on evenings and weekends who no longer have custody of their children for one reason or another.  Maybe it's their drug usage, child neglect, sexual abuse, whatever because the list can go on and on and it's a long list.  These parents come to my work place so they can visit their children in a "homelike" environment, but with these visits being recorded digitally and by my listening and taking notes.

I had a new client coming in today.  It was a dad who'd not seen his children in eight weeks.  This case was very complicated and had come directly through the court system and not the State.  I had met this dad a week ago and we'd gone over all his paperwork with all the rules and regulations of visitations.  He seemed like a nice guy considering all the baggage he was carrying.  I went ahead and set up his first visitation for today.

Dad was supposed to show up at 1:20 p.m.  This would allow him to arrive early enough for me to collect his payment for the visitation and put him in a room before his children arrived.  1:28 p.m. his children arrived with their grandmother, but Dad had not.  At 1:39 p.m., I called Dad's cell phone and got his voicemail.  I left him a message asking if he was coming for his visit and that according to our rules and regulations, the visit would be cancelled if he was not here by 1:45 p.m.  All clients are given 15 minutes to arrive before cancellation takes place.  And, he was already technically late as he had not arrived at 1:20 p.m.  1:43 a.m. the phone rings.  Dad is calling to say he just received a call from this number.  I let him know it was me and what my message had said that he did not listen to.  He had three minutes to arrive before cancellation.  Dad was in a panic saying that he would be right there.  I told him he three minutes and said I'd see him shortly. 

When I hung up from him, I called our program director to get her advice about whether to cut him some slack or not if he arrived late.  I got no answer and decided to make the decision myself and the answer was "no".  "No" because he'd been told twice in one week about the time he needed to arrive.  "No" because he hadn't bothered to call me and say he was going to be late.  "No" because this was his first visit and I didn't want to set a precedent that being late was acceptable.

Finally at 1:50 p.m., I escorted Grandmother and children upstairs and out the door.  I had not realized that as we were all riding the elevator to the first floor, Dad had come in and was running downstairs and then returned just as the children were being placed in the car.  Dad became very agitated and furious when I would not call the children back and allow him to have his visit.  I tried to explain/reason with him why that was not going to happen today, but he had his scheduled visit for tomorrow.  He began to rant about his ex-wife trying to take his car, that I had no idea of the problems he'd had this morning and went on and on as he walked outside the door and around the parking lot.  I said I was sorry, but the visit was off.  He finally got in his car and I watched him leave.  Then my entire body began to shake as those I was freezing to death. 

I went back downstairs to our offices and was suddenly struck with an urgent thought in my head that I needed to hurry back upstairs and lock the doors immediately.  I picked up the gadget that you insert in the door bars and rode back on the elevator.  When I got to the door and was locking them, much to my shock I saw Dad's car parked next to my car and he wasn't in it.  In a split second, I then heard his footsteps coming up the stairs to where I was standing.  My heart froze!  I was terrified that he had returned and for what reason?  I felt sure that he was for nothing good.  I was in total fear and felt almost immediately that he was there to harm me.  I took the device used to lock the doors and slid it into by blouse sleeve.  My thought was that it could be used as a weapon - one which could be used on me if taken from my hand. 

I don't actually know why he came back other than to continue to rant and yell at me.  All I know is that I felt very unsafe and alone and vulnerable.  I just knew I needed to get him outside the doors since I had locked them and he would not be able to open them again.  And, I did manage to talk him out the doors and I watched him leave a second time.

I immediately went back downstairs and called my boss who came to the office. She called Dad telling him how he could not treat her employees like this, he was in the wrong with his actions, etc. He apologized saying how bad his morning had been, etc., etc., etc.   There will be resolution to all this and soon, I'm sure, but that's not the purpose of writing all this.  All this was not written to sound as though it's the plot for some low-rated B horror movie or to be melodramatic or that I'm trying to make something of a nothing.  This purpose is this...

I realized once again how much my Heavenly Father loves me and I am thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost.  My Heavenly Father knew I needed help and He was there looking after me.  I have never in my life felt so scared as I was today.  I was in fear of my life!  I felt my life could end at any moment.  No good should/would come from his return to the office.

This morning with the hustle of getting to the office early, I neglected my morning prayer.  However, when I was sitting in my car ready to pull away from the curb, I stopped long enough to tell my Heavenly Father I was sorry for my prayer neglect, but would He please bless and protect me this day from any harm or danger.  I truly felt His presence today.  I know that He heard my prayer and that He did protect me from harm.  I heard the whisperings of the Holy Ghost to go lock the doors.  Yes, I may not have gotten to the doors before Dad came in, but at least I had not been confronted in the downstairs offices alone.  At least upstairs there was the possibility that I might have been able to get help.  I am overwhelmed and filled with gratitude for the love my Heavenly Father has for me! 

I went to a baptism of a friend tonight and arrived several minutes before it began.  My bishop and home teacher were there and I asked for a blessing.  I needed one as I had cried almost non-stop when I recalled the fear and the dread I had experienced.  I got my blessing and am beginning to feel a sense of peace.  During the baptism one of the talks was about the Holy Ghost and its purpose.  How grateful I am to have been reminded that one of the gifts of the Holy Ghost is to protect us from physical danger.

I am truly filled with gratitude for the love of my Heavenly Father.

Some People Wouldn't Be Happy If You Hung Them With A New Rope...

...this is based on a saying that I've heard my dad say my entire life.  It think it's quite an appropriate way to describe this part of my life.  It's my new job.  Why would I be writing about my new job in a semi-negative way?  After all, I was unemployed for five months and now I have a job.  A job that has very nice accommodating people, nice working conditions, a better than average hourly wage, two bathroom breaks a day, etc., etc., etc.

My job has made me venture into unknown territory.  I hardly ever and rarely do any real typing on my computer - that's primarily for imputing numbers and I was used to doing some serious typing as well as designing and using spreadsheets.  None of that here.  In fact, I use a typewriter.  Yes, a typewriter to enter information on recreational titles.  This is what a typewriter looks like just in case you've never seen one or have forgotten what it looks like:

I am doing a lot of counting - counting Vehicle Identification Numbers (VIN) to make sure the correct amount of numbers and letters are present.  Were you aware that there are 17 numbers and letters per VIN?  I wasn't either, but I am now.

I answer the telephone - lots and lots of  "Good morning.  Stalkup's RV.  This is Carol.  How may I help you?  Thank you.  I transfer you to that department".

I shuffle lots and lots of paper - MSO's, titles, insurance agreements, credit applications, credit checks, title reassignments, picture ID's, power of attorneys, etc., etc., etc.

I enjoy my work, well at least when I know what I am doing and at this point in time, I don't feel like I know enough or am learning quickly enough.  This is all causing me to doubt my ability to learn which makes me feel inadequate and even insecure.  I feel quite certain that the very nice person who is training me has probably lost quite an amount of her hair from frustration.  My work self-esteem seems to be doing a violent nose dive and I'm hoping that I will be able to save myself by pulling some ripcord before it's too late.

I just know that something has got to happen one way or the other before I crash and burn - I can't handle too many more restless nights and lack of good sleep, feeling like my heart is being squeezed in someone's fist, the morning headaches, the stomach cramps, etc., etc., etc.  My final prayer each morning is pleading with Heavenly Father to help me retain what I'm being taught.  I just hope He hasn't gone on summer vacation!

More Snow Scenes On The Way To And From Work

I never get tired of the scenery coming and going to work - at least when it's daylight and I can see it. I still am blown away by the rock formations and their sizes and how barren this part of the United States is and how different it is from Georgia.
This is the interstate...

Heading towards Casper...

Life's Surprises

As I said in an earlier blog, Monday was my last day as the Human Resources Assistant at COI. I've had some people ask me if I thought I had wasted my time since I'd only been there seven months. I say "absolutely not"! If I'd never gone to work there, I would never have:

• gotten new work experience working in the Human Resources field;


• met all the wonderful people who came into my life - 200+;


• most likely had my faith renewed in myself that people appreciated what I did in an office setting (read the P.S. below and this will help explain this);and


• met Tami Sandiford who was my "boss lady". I loved working with her. She made going to work a pleasure each and every day. I knew there was something special about her the first time I ever met her. Not only was she my manager, but she became my friend. Leaving her on Monday almost broke my heart knowing that we would not ever be working together again. We exchanged gifts for each other that afternoon before I left, but the card she gave me meant the most. I share it with you...

I love you and will miss your sweet spirit Tami. You taught me so much and I will never forget you.
-------------------------------------------------
P.S. Then as if that wasn't emotional enough for me...

When I was checking my email that evening...I received an email from the person who had been my Executive Director at my last job. I had left that job not having good feelings about her as it seemed that everything I did was always wrong. I felt that I was being cheated out of promises made and not honored. I was never able to find out what the problems were between the both of us. I got along with everyone else in the office, with my child care providers and others I came in contact with, but always seemed to be doing something wrong when it came to her.

Anyway, I got an email which basically said... "I am writing to express an overdue apology to you for some of my actions during your time at ...while I was there. I was way too hard on you Carol. Looking back, I put my trust in the wrong people. I automatically believed things that I was told ... things that I now question over and over again. I sincerely hope you are doing well. I have thought of you and Joe often. Know that I send best wishes and prayers your way".

This all occurred a year ago and it was amazing to read this after all these many months. The next day we spoke on the telephone for a long time and totally cleared the air. I think it takes a very big person to do what she did and I have the up most respect for what she did. I will never feel uncomfortable being around her and consider her a friend. I'm just sorry for all the opportunities we missed when we could have gotten to know each other even better.

Labor Day - Too Short!

I don't know how you spent your Labor Day, but I spent my laboring. Laboring on the computer. No, not because I was blogging. It was more like revising my revised revised resume. All this seems rather like something out of "The Twilight Zone". Didn't I just go through all this almost a year to the day!?!?!?! I'm in the process of pulling out all those lists of job employment sites. Goodie, goodie. I am so looking forward to going through the entire mess again - NOT!

Time to dust off the ole fax machine, get a new supply of black printer cartridges and make sure there's plenty of copy paper. But I look at it this way - atleast I know what to do and how to do it this time around!

It'll all be good and it'll all work out the way it's supposed to. My Heavenly Father knows what is in store for sweet Joe and me.

50 + 6 = My birthday

Yes, this is what I look like at 56 years of age at the end of a long day that started at 5:45 a.m. I didn't mention to Joe this morning that it was my birthday just to see how long it would take him to remember. He was dropped off at Mom and Dad's this morning to go for three doctor visits, no word of acknowledgement then.

I went on to work and was surprised there. Tami had bought me a very large birthday cake to share with lots of people at the plant. A special birthday email was sent throughout the plant so all day long I received congratulations. As I was leaving for the day, Tami presented me with a present - a sandwich maker. It's a neat little appliance that you can make all kinds of cooked finger sandwiches. Can't wait to try it out!

Nancy fixed me a 1/2 red velvet birthday cake (she was thinking about Joe's and my health - thank you Nancy). Joe had finally called me during the afternoon to sing "Happy Birthday" to me and took me to dinner at Longhorn's where I ate my fill of all-you-can-eat liver and onions!!! I know, I know, Longhorn's is a steak restaurant, but they have fantastic liver and onions for those of us who love it. Besides, with all that iron, I'm going to be like Superwoman.

...And How Was Your Weekend?

I always love going back to work on Monday mornings. My desk sits in front of the door where EVERYBODY has to come in and so I sometimes feel like a Wal-Mart door greeter. "Good morning! How was your weekend? Really? Well, that's great! Yes, I know exactly what you mean!"

Why is it that the older I get the shorter the weekends seem to be? And, does anyone really care what anybody did during the two day span when we were all separated? You say you care? Great! Then I'll tell you what Joe and I did...

I slept in late - late being about 8:30 a.m. I had to climb up in the attic to look for things that I wanted to ship out to Utah and I had to do it before it became 500 degrees up there. I didn't quite know what I was looking for, but I knew that I'd know what it was when I saw it. And, I did. I will not be going back up there until sometime this fall when frost is on the pumpkins. I'm sure there will be an attic story for another blog, so stay tuned.

Anyway, I digress from my running weekend commentary...

Joe and I showered, separately I'll add. I'm all for conserving water, but, well never mind. We drove to Moultrie. We were on a mission. We needed to get to UPS Pack and Ship before they closed since Saturday is the only day we could make it there. We wanted to mail off Corey's wooden high chair that Derek will one day sit his cute little derriere in. Anyway, that took until after 2:00 p.m.!!! and we won't mention the amount. Our lips are super glued shut. Then it was off to Tifton where we went for a late lunch or early dinner and found a great cheap special for senior citizens. Thanks Joe for saving us that couple of dollars.

After being sufficiently sufficed and stuffed, we went window shopping for a king sized bed. OH MY GOSH!!! Did I say sticker shock?!?!? I'm still sleeping in the same bed I've had for 30 years. The solid oak Paul Bunyan, four postered bed is still great, but Joe and I need and want our space. Thus the reason for the window shopping. We hit about every furniture in store and the cheapest and least expensive bed, including the mattress and box spring, was $1500.00. That's almost the equivalent of spending 20 nights in a motel with a king-sized bed. That's about 100 great meals at Olive Garden, Outback, Red Lobster, Chili's, etc. I don't know what we're going to do. Wait for a great mattress and boxspring sale and then sleep on the floor? Oh, we could buy a king-sized frame and set them on that, I suppose and then I'll be chasing my pillows between the wall and the bed. Well, we won't be doing anything really soon since even the bedding is a fortune.

We then decided to head out to the Brookfield area and went to visit with Aunt Rachel. She looked marvelous and it was a great visit. Then it was on to see Aunt Alice. We drove up to her home and she was doing some serious jammin with her Jesus music! We had a wonderful visit with her too. She misses Uncle Calvin alot. And, we saw Helen before leaving Brookfield.

Then it was back to Tifton stopping at Wal-Mart and picking up necessary stuff and on home. I was starting to feel really bad - sore throat, runny nose, coughing, etc. I was beginning to sound like a Nyquil commercial. Especially after I took a good swig of Nyquil to knock myself out.
I did manage to get up when the alarm went off at 5:30 a.m., drop Joe off at the church for his Bishopric Meeting and then went and crashed on Mom and Dad's couch until it was time to head to Church. I was never so glad for Church to be over and to make it home. Once there, I headed into lala land after taking two, yes two, Benydryl. I made sure I set the alarm before going to bed so I would be sure to arise for work this morning. Did I mention I wanted to sleep? How about almost 16 hours straight!!!

So I did make it to work this morning after my wonderful diverse weekend...complete with my roll of soft toilet paper. And the morning started out with "Good morning. How was your weekend"? (BTW...my doctor decided to take pity on me and phoned in a presciptoin for a Z-pack without an appointment. So hopefully, it's goodbye cold and soon)! Just think, it's only five more days until another weekend rolls around. Waahoo!

Counting My (Our) Many Blessings

Most mornings on my way to work, I call Dad on my phone and we chat about some aspect of our lives until I arrive at the office. I recently had a conversation with Dad about how life has been so great for me in the last few weeks. For the first time, in many, many years, I feel as though I have finally reached a wonderful balance in my life. My marriage is great, my job is great, my home life is great, etc., etc., etc.

My marriage is great primarily because of Joe. We celebrated an anniversary of sorts this last weekend. It was four years ago that we met in person for the first time. Because of Joe I feel real love, a real commitment of belonging from someone. Joe lets me be me. He understands me as much as one person can understand me. He is kind, gentle, quiet, patient and logical...everything I am not. He puts up with my crazy antics and awful singing. I love his beautiful eyes, his rosy red cheeks and his sweet, gentle kisses. I love spending time with him and miss when I'm not with him. I can't imagine life without him as he's become so much of my life and grateful that he is my eternal companion.

]

I've found the place I need to be working right now also. I drive to work less than 20 miles roundtrip vs. the 100 miles roundtrip I drove for the last few years. I work for people who appreciate me and my caliber of work. I am wonderfully compensated for my work. The work is interesting, challenging, fulfilling and gives me a sense of purpose. If I have to work, then this is the place I want to work.

Joe's health is doing well even with all his medical problems and since no one has been in the hospital recently, we consider ourselves blessed health wise also.

Financially we are also being blessed. It has taken us about a year to get to this point. We sunk a very large investment in a child care center which fell through for us. What seemed to be a devastating loss for us at the time has proven to be a blessing as we were not locked into a situation that we most likely would not have been able to get out of. Then I lost my child care job and was unemployed for five months with some unemployment compensation. However, that didn't help with our financial obligations a great deal especially when I was traveling around for job interviews. I have a firm testimony of paying tithing. We have had unexpected monies come our way, been able to pay off some of our financial obligations and haven't felt any loss of money by paying our tithing. Between Joe serving as 2nd counselor in the bishopric and my teaching the adult Sunday School class and being full tithe payers, I know that the balance in our lives is due to our blessings from my Heavenly Father.

I am fortunate to still have the opportunity of spending time with my parents and family. Whether it's daily phone calls to Mom and Dad or spending time at their home or taking Mom out to dinner or a movie, I'm grateful that I can still tell them in person that I love them.

I know and acknowledge the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life and thank Him for all my blessings (and hope that this continues for a long, long time).

The Hummingbird

It was a beautiful morning when I woke up. (Well, as beautiful as it can be when you have to get up at 6:15 a.m.) I'd gotten to sleep with the windows open and the blinds raised and had actually slept all night. (Wearing earplugs helps a lot). Anyway, while dressing for work I looked out the window and there was a hummingbird hovering over one of my wild rose bushes. It was incredible - so small, so unusual, so unexpected. I woke Joe up to tell him and then it disappeared before I had the chance to show him or grab my camera. But, I just knew it was an omen. An omen that this was going to be a fantastic day. After all, how many times does a hummingbird just show up out of the blue?

When I arrived at work I even told Tami, my boss lady, it was going to be a fantastic day because I'd seen the hummingbird. All went well until about 9:00 a.m. and then the day seemed to steadily decline. Not necessarily for me as my day proceeded with the usual questions about insurance, customer service calls from clients, calls about submitted applications, calls from truck drivers, etc. But, for everyone else it seemed as though it soon became a very unwanted day more so than usual. Isn't it wonderful to not be the aim of potential, impending doom and gloom for once?! Isn't it nice being on the outside looking in for once?! It was the kind of day that I even had to go into Tami's office, close the door and suggest that a word of prayer might be needed and she agreed. How thankful I felt to have been the helper this time around; the one who could offer my strength, a listening ear and a big hug. But, isn't even nicer to know that she was there for me in previous days doing exactly the same thing...Offering her shoulders to cry on and her listening ear. It was a further confirmation for me that I am truly at the right place at the right time for the right reasons.

I feel truly blessed at this juncture of my life to be seemingly reaching a little balance in my life - at least between my marriage and my job and that's been a long time coming. Like I said, I'm blessed! However, the next time I see a hummingbird first thing in the morning when dressing for work, I may have to shoot that omen with my BB gun instead of my camera!

1. 1. Cashier at Hardee's in Valdosta while attending Valdosta Technical College. I had all the french fries I ever wanted to eat; hated cleaning the milkshake machine; taking orders for "erenge" sodas (that means "orange"). Left because I moved to New Jersey when Dad came back from Vietnam.


2. 2. Secretary in the printing department at Deborah Heart and Lung Center in Brownsville, New Jersey. I had to get a chest x-ray there every six months to discover if I'd contracted tuberculosis from any of the patients. You got stuck on the elevator with people wearing masks to prevent them from coughing TB germs all over you. This is where I met and worked with my best friend Ericka (Ricki) McPherson who became a member of the Church. She and I were the only females in a sea of young, eligible males since we were living on or beside two military bases. That's a whole story in itself. Left because I moved back to Georgia.


3. International Harvester - secretary at a business that sold farm implements. If I remember correctly, I left because I moved to Jacksonville, Florida.


4. Holiday Inn as a desk clerk. I did this in the evening out of sheer boredom from living in south Georgia. Left because I moved to Atlanta.


5. Kelley Manufacturing Company as a departmental secretary and then promoted as a Junior Buyer. left due to layoff. Moved to Atlanta.


6. Physical Therapist at Tift Regional Hospital. I can't remember how I got this job and how I was turned loose to perform physical therapy on hospital patients! Scary, huh? Can't remember why I left, hmmmmm.


7. Furniture salesperson/secretary. Got my purse stolen one day when a group of young thugs distracted me and the others stole my purse. The purse was recovered many years later where it had apparently been thrown by the side of the road near the country club and discovered by a man who called me to return the purse. I think the business went out of business.


8. A legal secretary for Wells Fargo Pony Express in Atlanta left for another job. A legal secretary for a man who became a district attorney; Left to have baby. A legal secretary for a very powerful and well known attorney in south Georgia. Left because the man intimidated me everyday! Took me 10 months to get the nerve to tell him I was quitting.


9. Worked as a departmental secretary for Honeywell Corporation in Atlanta. Left to move down to south Georgia to start married life away from Atlanta.


10. First real job away from home in Jacksonville was as lease department secretary for Duval Motors - largest Ford dealership in the U.S. Can't remember why I left, but I do know that I got a job working for...


11. Secretary for the City of Jacksonville in their Utility Regulatory Department. Took complaints from unhappy people every day all day long. Left here to move back to Tifton because of broken hearted relationships.


12. Worse job ever...worked at the Diagnostic Veternarian Lab for two weeks only!!! I unpacked strange packages delivered by UPS which would contain dead animals, dead animal body parts, etc. some preserved in formaldahyde, some not. Watched dead cows being dissected, smelled animal body parts toasted over bunsen burners all while wearing white pants, white shirt, white shoes, white lab coat. Great money, but not worth gagging and smelling nasty everyday!!!


13. Technical assistance consultant for child care resource and referral agency covering ten counties in south Georgia. Later became project manager over 25 child care providers in special Air Force project.


14. Secretary for the USDA as a temporary job for several months.


15. Worked for marketing firm until boss kept coming onto me and making promises he wouldn't keep.


16. Trainer/Consultant for Lakeshore Learning Materials. Conducted trainings and workshops all over the U.S.; and


17. Now I'm an assistant to the Human Resources Manager at a Food Commissary warehouse. (We supply all the items that restaurants use from staff t-shirts to the t-bone steaks and everything in between). We have almost 300 employees at our distribution center.


18. more as I think of them.