This is a poem that I found in a "baby" magazine before Corey was born that I had taped to a wall until a few years ago. It always made me stop and think about what life would be like with Corey as he grew older. Would he still love me as much when he met the girl of his dreams? Would he still love me as much when he had children of his own? Or would he one day realize how much I loved him because he himself would be experiencing love because of his wife and future children? Would I be a good enough mother for him to want to be my friend when he grew up and it was time to leave home?

I remember when Corey was young, he used to love to hold my hand when we went walking somewhere - it didn't matter. It wasn't because I told him he had to hold my hand - he just loved the connection I suppose between him and me. I remember him looking up to me one time and saying to me "I'll always hold your hand mommy". And, he has - maybe not always physically, but emotionally during good times and bad times. Without him I would not have made it through the divorce, during the bad times that made it seem as though life would never be good again. He was there during the good times when my relationship with Joe was new and fresh. He accepted Joe from the beginning and knew we needed to be together. He was there when Joe proposed to me and he was there giving my hand in marriage to Joe. Corey was there when Les died and we held each others hand through that unexpected time in both of our lives. What big, loving, generous hands he has.

This poem reminds me of the afternoon in April when Corey and I stood on top of the snowy mountain overlooking the Salt Lake Valley and just talking and talking and talking. How great was it to be on equal footing with my son. How great it was to be not only parent and child, but friends.

So, now I pass this poem on to Corey and Nikki. It's your turn to hope and wonder how things will turn out between you and Derek and any other children you may one day have in your care.