When I started doing this blog almost two years ago, I did it with the beginning intention that it was/would be like an electronic journal. Something that my own son could read and maybe find out a little more about his mother; that my future grandchildren could enjoy; that my daughter-in-law could read that might explain why my son turned out the way he did and that my family and friends could share some of my life experiences.

With all that being said, I deviate slightly tonight to be extremely personal. I wrote in earlier blogs about Joe's eye problem. Today he received word that he'll be seeing the retinal eye specialist in six days. It has really hit us hard that changes are taking place every day and that extreme changes may even alter life as we are experiencing it now.

Joe cried tonight - several times. If he cried in front of me, then I wonder how often he cries when I'm not here. It hurts my heart and my soul to see his anguish. I cry, but I cry away from the house because I want to be strong one for him.

He asked if we had plans this weekend since we've been exploring for several weeks now. I told him we could go out again this weekend if he wanted. He began crying and telling me that "yes" he wanted to go as it could and may be the last time he gets to see something new. I've left it up to him as to where he'd like us to go.

This may all seem melodramatic to others. It's not. His eyesight is worse today; he's spent time in bed throughout the day trying to sleep so he doesn't have to strain his eyes. He's hoping for the best when seeing the specialist, but also preparing mentally if the bleeding cannot be stopped.

I love my sweetie. And we will take this one day at a time knowing that our Heavenly Father has Joe's best interest (and eyes) at heart.