I was handed my list of women to visit teach. As I remember, the conversation went something like..."Now let me tell you about this woman", said the Relief Society president. "She's just moved into the ward and when I contacted her, she told me that she didn't need nor want any visiting teachers. But, if anyone can visit and teach her, I'm sure that person is you." I remember saying something like "well, thanks alot."I remember calling Diana to set up a day to come see her and she echoed what the RS president had said - no need or want for a visiting teacher. I decided though to stop by her house one evening and drop off some little some little Easter trinket I'd bought for all my ladies and a copy of the monthly message. I introduced myself from outside her opened living room door, handed her the bag, told her my phone numbers were inside if she ever needed me and left shortly thereafter.
This same scenario went on basically like that for about a year except that she had apparently changed her phone number as I could never get her to return my calls. She was never unkind to me and even started smiling when I stopped by. I always left my number and showed her where I lived in case she ever needed me. Around Valentine's Day 2010, I went to visit my ladies. I felt very compelled to go on that particular day. When I got to Diana's home, no one was there, so I left my little gift bag sitting on top of her mailbox and left.
The following evening, we had the missionary sisters over for a dinner date. During the course of conversation, they commented how they had stopped by Diana's house to see her while out tracting. She invited them in and while there, Diana related how she had come home very late the evening before and that someone had left her a beautiful bag of homemade chocolate goodies, but no name was attached. She went on to say that she had been gone all day to the hospital as her mother had been diagnosed with cancer. She said that she'd had a bad and stressful day and that upon her return home and finding the bag, had brightened her day especially since someone had thought enough about her to do that. That's when I told the sisters that I had been the one that had left the bag. I told them I would call her, but apparently I had the wrong number. They had it, so I called and told her that it was me and she said she had felt it probably was. She told me that it had made her cry and was comforting at the same time and that she would have called me, but had misplaced my phone number.
This all began to make a change in Diana and my visits. Now I was invited inside the door to her home, but still was not invited to sit down. But, she was always very cordial. Even her husband had started recognizing me and inviting me in.
Some time later, I received a frantic call from Diana while I was at work. She was crying, there was lots of yelling between her and someone taking place. I asked her what was going on, what could I do? (I didn't know what I could do since I was 45 miles away at work). She said she was sorry to have bothered me and hung up. I was concerned that something physical and abusive was taking place and I was not going to let it be. I called the RS president, who apparently called the bishop and the police eventually came and Diana left the home for a couple of days. I don't and never asked for all the details, but did notice her back home within the week. I tried calling her, texted her, went on her Facebook account, but got no response from her. I left messages of apology if I had done anything to offend her, but was always ignored. I continued to leave things for her on her porch, but would not ring the doorbell. After several months, I suggested that maybe someone else should become her visiting teacher, but the RS president told me to hang in there with Diana.
A few months later, I did receive a phone call from the RS president saying that Diana wanted to speak with me. She gave me the phone number, I called and Diana said she wanted to have lunch and explain some things to me. And, she said she wanted to apologize for the way she had treated me. We did meet for lunch - in fact, I picked her up. We spent a wonderful time together and that's when she explained that she had some personal demons that she was needing to get rid of and that she was finally beginning to get well. (I won't go into the details of what she said as that is between her and I). That lunch changed our relationship 360 degrees. Consequent visits resulted in my being invited into her home and sitting in her living room. Her whole persona and appearance was changing and she appeared to be very happy. We talked about her coming back to church - even if it meant only attending Sacrament Meeting - taking baby steps for return.
Diana died this morning.
I received a phone call yesterday before lunch. I was told that Diana was dying and had asked to see me. I was told that she was in hospice care and I left immediately to go see her. I was in shock. Upon my arrival, I found her unconscious, non-responsive, yellow-skinned and labored breathing. Her liver had stopped functioning. I never got to talk to her. I spent some time there with her and some members of the family and then left. But before leaving, I did go to Diana, hold her hand and kissed her forehead and told her that I loved her.
After I returned home, I received another telephone call telling me the story behind Diana's request. As I understand it, before lapsing into unconsciousness, she told her family that she wanted to see me. No one had my phone number, someone couldn't remember my last, or even first name, all they knew and could remember what that I was her visiting teacher. Someone made a phone call to someone who made another call to someone else until the right person knew who I was and then is when I received the phone call to go see her.
I did go back up to see her again one more time last evening and I could sense that her time here on earth wasn't long. Her breathing was different and while holding her hand you could tell that her temperature was climbing. I returned home with her father telling me that he would let me know if anything changed.
Though tired and drained, I just couldn't lie down in the bed until almost 4:30 this morning when sleep finally came. I received a phone call at 6:00 a.m. from her father telling me that she had died about 4:15 this morning. My friend is no longer here.
I will admit that I have felt considerable guilt and anguish that I did not go see her this last week. I know that I could not have changed the course of events, but I do know that I would have at least been able to visit with my friend at least one more time. Why had I not listened to my promptings?
I spoke with her father again this afternoon regarding her funeral. Before he hung up, he told me that he appreciated what I had done for Diana. That I had "cracked the ice" with her that no one had ever been able to do before. He knew that his daughter loved me and he wanted me to know that.
I now know why we go looking for that "lost sheep", that inactive sister. Maybe we can make a difference in her life. We may not get her back to church, but we can give her hope, we can give her friendship, we can give her love, we can give her something to look forward to. Did I do anything for Diana that was special, that no one else could have done. I really don't think so. I do know that I could have done so much more. That I should have done so much more.
I'm am so blessed and feel so humble to know that she loved me that way she did. I wasn't aware of what an impact I had made on her until yesterday and I feel so unworthy, but grateful for this. I was only trying to fulfill my calling and could have done it so much better.
Because of Diana, I have now committed that I will make a weekly contact with those I may teach as life can change so drastically from day to day. I will ask my Heavenly Father to help me be more aware of where I might be able to serve my sisters. I have been so blessed in so many ways and I just want to give back where possible.
I will miss Diana. I will miss her smile, her laugh, her infectious personality. I will miss those lost opportunities to serve her and love her.
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Note: It's 5/21/11 and there was a memorial held today for Diana at the church for her friends and family. I was contacted by the Bishop mid week saying that her mom and dad wanted me to read a poem during the service. I said I would do so and that I was humbled that the family wanted me to be a part of the program.
After a prayer asking for the strength to make it through the reading without becoming too emotional, I was able to do so and hopefully honored my friend's memory.
