What a fantastic day I had yesterday! I cannot believe the amount of energy, goodwill, excitement and just positive feelings I felt. I don't recall the last time I felt this fantastic. I don't know the reason or the cause, I wish I did, but I loved being alive and felt so alive.
I think that part of the reason may have been because I've slowly been getting things organized in my home and in my life, I've rationally assessed things I'd like to accomplish this year, I'm content in my job, I've got great friend support and most importantly, I have an ever evolving incredible relationship with my kids and wee ones.
Life is good. Life is very good.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
2014 Goals
You know that when you put "pen to paper" you are committed to things, right? That being said, I've done some thinking and here's some of what I want to accomplish this year.
Relationship - Not looking for a man, so let's get that out of the way. I do want to commit to being more in touch on a more regular basis with some of my family members and friends. There are some of my friendships that I would like to cultivate. I would like to make sure that I call people at least on a monthly basis and keep those friendships intact.
I also like to cultivate more relationships with my ward family. I am planning on doing regular book readings to those families who would love to have me come into their home, or they come to mine, and let me read to their children.
I want to spend more time with my grandchildren and my kids. I receive so much pleasure during those times I am able to physically interact with Derek and Jake as they are growning so fast. It also brings me a great deal of pleasure to see my son in his capacity as a dad and husband and watching Nikki as she loves and cares for her family.
Professional - I love and enjoy my job and am not looking to move on anywhere else. Here's hoping things remain as they are in this category for the remainder of this year.
I'd like to follow through and begin my opportunities to speak on behalf of Donor Alliance here in Wyoming and Colorado on organ, tissue and skin donations. I received a letter back in September of last year that said in part...
"Please know that through you and your husband's incredible act of compassion and generosity, lives' of those in need have been greatly changed for the better. The following is information regarding the donation of your husband's tissues.
Joseph has given the gift of skin tissue, more specifically sixteen grafts for transplantation. Skin grafts are considered a life saving procedure for those who have suffered from breast cancer and need assistance with post-mastectomy reconstruction. Following a surgery, skin grafts can aid in preventing infection, reducing recovery time and ultimately promoting healing of the surgery site. Eleven individuals at this time have received your husband's fits for post-mastectomy reconstructions. The five other grafts your husband has given have yet to be transplanted at this time." I think it's important that people understand that no matter your age or your medical condition, you can be a donor. If Joe could do it, then anyone can.
Spiritual - I would like to attend the temple at least two times this year.
I would like to attend a "Time Out For Women". It's been almost two years since I've been to one and I think they are an essential need for me. It's like a spiritual detoxification for my soul.
I would like to read my Ensign from cover to cover each month before the next one arrives. (This may be the closest I come at this time to committing to read my scriptures daily).
I would like to commit to reading and studying my Sunday School and Relief Society lessons each week.
I would like to begin and complete the necessary family history for Joe's mom and dad and Les' mom and dad so that my kids can be their proxies at the temple.
And, of course, I'd like to have quality morning and evening talks with my Heavenly Father each and every day.
I also want to be of more service. I want to take and make opportunities to do unexpected things for people. I want to surprise people with random acts of kindness. I want more opportunities to add to my "Happy Jar".
Mental - I'd love to read at least six (6) books for pure pleasure. I used to love to read and haven't for years.
I'd like to take a class at the college - something stimulating.
I'd love to complete a writing project about Vietnam letters I started a few years ago and have it done before Christmas as gifts for my siblings.
I'd like to finish a blog I was writing about Joe and the documentation I was doing about his care giving. I have doubts that this may be completed this year as there are some things about his illness and death which are still very tender. If not this year, another year as I feel it is important to complete.
I'd like to continue writing in my own blog as it gives me an outlet to document my life - whether it appeals to anyone else or not matters not. I want to record my thoughts, my experiences in hopes that my grandchildren will know who I am one of these days.
Physical - I'd love to change the way I eat and how I eat. This is difficult as my work hours are strange and I return home after 7:00 p.m. many nights AND my work has me sitting 95% of the time. But, I'm hoping that by changing some things I want to lose at least one (1) lb. per week.
I hope eventually I can start adding some walking and some exercise in my routine. My left knee is presently inhibited that at this time, but hopefully that will change in the coming months.
I want to change my sleep habits. I LOVE staying up late and am able to due to my job. However, I feel as though I'm wasting valuable time, so I'm going to try to start keeping an earlier bedtime and getting up earlier.
Fun and Frivolity/Bucket List - I still want to do "daycations" as there is still lots to explore. I want to participate in a real cow branding. I want to witness the annual roundup of 1400 buffalo in South Dakota in September. That was something Joe and I really wanted to experience together. And I'd love to attend the 2014 Professional Bullriders Rodeo in Las Vegas in October. How cool would that be?!
Looks like it's going to be a busy year.
Relationship - Not looking for a man, so let's get that out of the way. I do want to commit to being more in touch on a more regular basis with some of my family members and friends. There are some of my friendships that I would like to cultivate. I would like to make sure that I call people at least on a monthly basis and keep those friendships intact.
I also like to cultivate more relationships with my ward family. I am planning on doing regular book readings to those families who would love to have me come into their home, or they come to mine, and let me read to their children.
I want to spend more time with my grandchildren and my kids. I receive so much pleasure during those times I am able to physically interact with Derek and Jake as they are growning so fast. It also brings me a great deal of pleasure to see my son in his capacity as a dad and husband and watching Nikki as she loves and cares for her family.
Professional - I love and enjoy my job and am not looking to move on anywhere else. Here's hoping things remain as they are in this category for the remainder of this year.
I'd like to follow through and begin my opportunities to speak on behalf of Donor Alliance here in Wyoming and Colorado on organ, tissue and skin donations. I received a letter back in September of last year that said in part...
"Please know that through you and your husband's incredible act of compassion and generosity, lives' of those in need have been greatly changed for the better. The following is information regarding the donation of your husband's tissues.
Joseph has given the gift of skin tissue, more specifically sixteen grafts for transplantation. Skin grafts are considered a life saving procedure for those who have suffered from breast cancer and need assistance with post-mastectomy reconstruction. Following a surgery, skin grafts can aid in preventing infection, reducing recovery time and ultimately promoting healing of the surgery site. Eleven individuals at this time have received your husband's fits for post-mastectomy reconstructions. The five other grafts your husband has given have yet to be transplanted at this time." I think it's important that people understand that no matter your age or your medical condition, you can be a donor. If Joe could do it, then anyone can.
Spiritual - I would like to attend the temple at least two times this year.
I would like to attend a "Time Out For Women". It's been almost two years since I've been to one and I think they are an essential need for me. It's like a spiritual detoxification for my soul.
I would like to read my Ensign from cover to cover each month before the next one arrives. (This may be the closest I come at this time to committing to read my scriptures daily).
I would like to commit to reading and studying my Sunday School and Relief Society lessons each week.
I would like to begin and complete the necessary family history for Joe's mom and dad and Les' mom and dad so that my kids can be their proxies at the temple.
And, of course, I'd like to have quality morning and evening talks with my Heavenly Father each and every day.
I also want to be of more service. I want to take and make opportunities to do unexpected things for people. I want to surprise people with random acts of kindness. I want more opportunities to add to my "Happy Jar".
Mental - I'd love to read at least six (6) books for pure pleasure. I used to love to read and haven't for years.
I'd like to take a class at the college - something stimulating.
I'd love to complete a writing project about Vietnam letters I started a few years ago and have it done before Christmas as gifts for my siblings.
I'd like to finish a blog I was writing about Joe and the documentation I was doing about his care giving. I have doubts that this may be completed this year as there are some things about his illness and death which are still very tender. If not this year, another year as I feel it is important to complete.
I'd like to continue writing in my own blog as it gives me an outlet to document my life - whether it appeals to anyone else or not matters not. I want to record my thoughts, my experiences in hopes that my grandchildren will know who I am one of these days.
Physical - I'd love to change the way I eat and how I eat. This is difficult as my work hours are strange and I return home after 7:00 p.m. many nights AND my work has me sitting 95% of the time. But, I'm hoping that by changing some things I want to lose at least one (1) lb. per week.
I hope eventually I can start adding some walking and some exercise in my routine. My left knee is presently inhibited that at this time, but hopefully that will change in the coming months.
I want to change my sleep habits. I LOVE staying up late and am able to due to my job. However, I feel as though I'm wasting valuable time, so I'm going to try to start keeping an earlier bedtime and getting up earlier.
Fun and Frivolity/Bucket List - I still want to do "daycations" as there is still lots to explore. I want to participate in a real cow branding. I want to witness the annual roundup of 1400 buffalo in South Dakota in September. That was something Joe and I really wanted to experience together. And I'd love to attend the 2014 Professional Bullriders Rodeo in Las Vegas in October. How cool would that be?!
Looks like it's going to be a busy year.
Seven Days Late
It's seven days into this new year and I'm not wanting to make resolutions for this year, but rather goals - Things I'd like to accomplish before this year is over. So, I've been doing lots of thinking and pondering and mulling over what I hope will be realistic goals. Maybe when this year ends I'll be able to wipe a few things off my "I did it" list?
Before I could even get to this point to begin listing these goals, I had to do some major straightening up so that I could even see my desk. (And, the bishop was coming over to hook up my router and he needed some work room).
During the course of the cleaning, I discovered a little notebook I had started with Joe back in 2010. It was where we sat and discussed things we'd like to do for that year - places we'd like to visit, etc.
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Some of the things we listed for that year included:
This is a new year with new goals to be acknowledged and hopefully many of them accomplished. It's kinda nice to have a clean slate and a new year. There is a quote I found several months ago that I think goes well with all this which is...
"There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this." I'm in the "after this" part of my life.
Before I could even get to this point to begin listing these goals, I had to do some major straightening up so that I could even see my desk. (And, the bishop was coming over to hook up my router and he needed some work room).
During the course of the cleaning, I discovered a little notebook I had started with Joe back in 2010. It was where we sat and discussed things we'd like to do for that year - places we'd like to visit, etc.
Some of the things we listed for that year included:
- Visit Stan Clark in Rexburg, Idaho;
- Visit Joe's niece, Sherri Ayers in Indiana;
- Go to Lusk and Chadron:
- Visit North Dakota:
- Revisit Mesa Verde;
- Float down the Wind River Canyon;
- Take the scenic train ride in Durgango, Colorado through the mountains and walk across a suspension bridge in the area;
- Go see Mt. Rushmore;
- Explore the Big Horn/Red Gulch Scenic Backway again;
- Visit Glacier National Forest;
- Attend the temple at least twice during the year;
- Have a missionary reunion in Utah;
- Attend a cow-branding; and
- Watch the buffalo roundup in Custer State Park.
This is a new year with new goals to be acknowledged and hopefully many of them accomplished. It's kinda nice to have a clean slate and a new year. There is a quote I found several months ago that I think goes well with all this which is...
"There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this." I'm in the "after this" part of my life.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
My husband...
One of the first things I realized this morning when I woke up is that a common phrase in my life for the past year and a half has been changed. It's a silly realization, but it does go to show that life does move forward.
The latter part of 2012, I could say in conversation..."my husband just recently died" or "my husband just died _____ months ago." Then during 2013, I could say "my husband passed away last year."
I became aware of how life does and moves forward. Now there is no simple or standard marking of time regarding Joe's death like there previously was. Now it'll just be "my husband passed away". In a few months it will be two years since his death. Two years! Where has the time gone? No longer will my life be defined by something stating that his death is new and raw. I have passed through this last year of the last of the "firsts". I lived through the last of the first New Year's without Joe; the first Valentine's Day and most profoundly, the anniversary of the first year of his death. There are no more calendar "firsts".
I have now made several trips to Utah by myself. There have been those occasions when I have stretched my arm over to the passenger seat and placed my hand where his leg would have been. I have felt on those rare moments, his presence with me and it has brought comfort and tears to me.
I started going on "daycations" again with dear friends who shared those experiences with me. It was difficult in the beginning visiting places that we had once visited and having that rush of memories flood my mind. Thank goodness I was blessed with understanding friends who respected those moments though they could not fully understand them.
I am getting out a little more. I still find it difficult to attend "couple"-related get together at church. I went to one and felt like a caged rabbit ready to bolt at a moments notice. Though a sweet friend came to my rescue and assured me I would survive, I've not been able to bring myself to go to another one. Maybe that will change this year - maybe it won't.
No matter what though, this is my year. This is my year to start feeling comfortable in my skin and my life. Though life is still scary, I know that I can survive whatever because I've already been through the worse.
The latter part of 2012, I could say in conversation..."my husband just recently died" or "my husband just died _____ months ago." Then during 2013, I could say "my husband passed away last year."
I became aware of how life does and moves forward. Now there is no simple or standard marking of time regarding Joe's death like there previously was. Now it'll just be "my husband passed away". In a few months it will be two years since his death. Two years! Where has the time gone? No longer will my life be defined by something stating that his death is new and raw. I have passed through this last year of the last of the "firsts". I lived through the last of the first New Year's without Joe; the first Valentine's Day and most profoundly, the anniversary of the first year of his death. There are no more calendar "firsts".
I have now made several trips to Utah by myself. There have been those occasions when I have stretched my arm over to the passenger seat and placed my hand where his leg would have been. I have felt on those rare moments, his presence with me and it has brought comfort and tears to me.
I started going on "daycations" again with dear friends who shared those experiences with me. It was difficult in the beginning visiting places that we had once visited and having that rush of memories flood my mind. Thank goodness I was blessed with understanding friends who respected those moments though they could not fully understand them.
I am getting out a little more. I still find it difficult to attend "couple"-related get together at church. I went to one and felt like a caged rabbit ready to bolt at a moments notice. Though a sweet friend came to my rescue and assured me I would survive, I've not been able to bring myself to go to another one. Maybe that will change this year - maybe it won't.
No matter what though, this is my year. This is my year to start feeling comfortable in my skin and my life. Though life is still scary, I know that I can survive whatever because I've already been through the worse.
It's A New Year And I'm Moving On?
Today began another new year. This is the time when people usually take stock of their lives and see how badly they screwed up last year or remember some of the highlights of the previous twelve months of their lives. It's also a time for many to sit down and decide or at least make an attempt to note, either mentally or recorded on paper or whatever that they are going to do something different; they will make notes about how they want to improve their present lives; how they are going to make some type of change.
2014 came in this morning with a snowstorm. I stayed up until 4:30 a.m. watching a series of shows that had been on my television DVR since September - four months ago! I decided it was time to get them off one way or another so I settled down for the long haul to watch 14 recording episodes of one show. I made it for eight of them before turning into bed. What a waste of time, right?! That's one of the things I'd like to change in this new year - feeling like I really am accomplishing things.
For the past several years, I've selected a word of the year. At the beginning of the new year, I've gone back to reflect on how that word affected the next twelve months. I noticed I didn't pick a word last year. In fact, I only did eight posts during the entire year. I probably only came up with titles for a few of those and never even wrote anything - it was a difficult year to adjust to my year of living alone. The first time I'd lived alone by myself since 1977. That's 36 years of having someone to have conversation with in my home every day and then it stops. There were days when I didn't see a human being outside my home or even have a conversation with a living soul. Don't get me wrong; that's not bad sometimes.
Anyway, I digress from this new year...I'm not going to make resolutions. I do want to sit down and come up with some workable goals to achieve. This year will be different than previous ones. I know because I will make it different. I want to make a difference in my life and in the life of others. I've been contemplating my 2014 word of the year and I believe it will be...
ACCOMPLISHMENT.
I want to finish or make headway on past projects that I started and haven't completed. I want some previously used creativity to return. I want to feel as though I have purpose in my life. I want to make a difference to myself and to others.
Last year was not a bad year. It was a good year filled with many, many blessings. But, there was a lack of fulfillment in my life - a wondering of why and what I am to do. I need to find purpose this year and I've got 364 days until I report again.
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