The Little Bottle of Eye Drops

It's been almost 10 months since Joe passed away and so many things have happened, yet at the same time it seems as though life has sometimes felt as though I'm on automatic co-pilot.

I've had some definite changes occurring in my life this month and I will talk about them at some time in a future blog.  It's been a long time since I've made an entry, but felt that it was necessary to write a little something today while it's on my mind and the feelings are so visible.

Grief is a strange thing.  It has so many facets.  For as many people as there are, there are most likely the same variations of how those people deal with it.  I am moving forward, but every once in a while something happens that makes you stop.  It's like the wind is kicked out of you.  It's like you've run into a brick wall at 100 mph.   That has happened several times and I've not recorded it though I've wanted to because I felt as though it would help me and maybe help someone else one day when they go through the same experience.  I had that little bump in the road experience happen this morning.

I cannot tell you how many times I've opened one of the cabinet doors in the kitchen and taken out a measuring cup.  It's been multiple times since last May.  I've been vaguely aware of a small item sitting quietly on the right hand side.  I've never picked it up.  I've never moved it.  I've never done anything with it until today.  It's a small bottle of dry eye solution eye drops.  Joe had to use this many times because his eyes did not produce enough tears at times.

I picked up that small bottle, looked at it and started to cry.  Then I threw it away.  That simple act may not seem like a big deal to anyone, but it was and is to me.  It's one of those small and seemingly insignificant acts of moving on.  It's tossing something else away that belonged to Joe, that was used by Joe and no longer has a reason for being in our home.  Maybe self-consciously I've kept it around so that I could keep a small piece of Joe.  Why it was thrown away today?  I don't have a good answer other than that maybe today it was meant to happen.