Nesting

Nesting after the death of my loved one vaguely reminds me of when I was preparing for the birth of Corey.

I realized after Joe's death that I couldn't be like some people I'd heard about who left everything exactly the same.  This is now my home and so I had to make some changes.

I may have mentioned it somewhere before, but it was a real blessing that Corey went through the majority of Joe's items shortly after the funeral.  Items, primarily medically related, were given away to individuals or organizations that could benefit from things he used.  This included medicines, adult diapers, bed liners, etc.  Corey took clothing that he knew he would like and use and the rest was donated to various charities.

There are subtle items left out to remind me of Joe.  His cowboy hat still hangs on the coat rack, his favorite BYU baseball cap has found a home on the antique hall tree, his picture stands on the shelf in front of his box of ashes and then there is the top shelf of the closet where his clothes used to hang.  I see his favorite pair of tennis shoes, his box of arrowheads and other unknown things that Corey packed away and placed there. 

I've hung new curtains in the living room, added new cushions, moved furniture around, hung new things on the wall and made this house my home.  The bedroom has also been changed to reflect a sense of clean and crisp - like a hotel room.  It's my oassis at the end of the day.

I've not changed the message on the answer machine.  It still says that you've reached the home of Joe and Carol Weaver.  I just wish it had Joe's voice instead of mine.  I miss hearing his voice.  I can hear it in my head when I stop and think about it, but I miss the way he spoke.

Part of the nesting process was taking my car and having it cleaned inside and outside.  I just felt it was a necessary step for me to move forward.

I still run across things of Joe's when looking for something in drawers or in closets.  It causes me to stop - sometimes right in my tracks.  That's when I decide it's time to do something else.  Still too many memories that bring me to tears.