Three Months

Pretty much just like One Month and Two Months.

Floundering

I feel as though I'm floundering.  Sometimes when I try to move forward it seems as though I get pushed back.  I sometimes feel like a little dingy in the middle of the ocean and I'm just being tossed to and fro with no sense of direction.

Nesting

Nesting after the death of my loved one vaguely reminds me of when I was preparing for the birth of Corey.

I realized after Joe's death that I couldn't be like some people I'd heard about who left everything exactly the same.  This is now my home and so I had to make some changes.

I may have mentioned it somewhere before, but it was a real blessing that Corey went through the majority of Joe's items shortly after the funeral.  Items, primarily medically related, were given away to individuals or organizations that could benefit from things he used.  This included medicines, adult diapers, bed liners, etc.  Corey took clothing that he knew he would like and use and the rest was donated to various charities.

There are subtle items left out to remind me of Joe.  His cowboy hat still hangs on the coat rack, his favorite BYU baseball cap has found a home on the antique hall tree, his picture stands on the shelf in front of his box of ashes and then there is the top shelf of the closet where his clothes used to hang.  I see his favorite pair of tennis shoes, his box of arrowheads and other unknown things that Corey packed away and placed there. 

I've hung new curtains in the living room, added new cushions, moved furniture around, hung new things on the wall and made this house my home.  The bedroom has also been changed to reflect a sense of clean and crisp - like a hotel room.  It's my oassis at the end of the day.

I've not changed the message on the answer machine.  It still says that you've reached the home of Joe and Carol Weaver.  I just wish it had Joe's voice instead of mine.  I miss hearing his voice.  I can hear it in my head when I stop and think about it, but I miss the way he spoke.

Part of the nesting process was taking my car and having it cleaned inside and outside.  I just felt it was a necessary step for me to move forward.

I still run across things of Joe's when looking for something in drawers or in closets.  It causes me to stop - sometimes right in my tracks.  That's when I decide it's time to do something else.  Still too many memories that bring me to tears.

Papa Joe

Corey has shared a couple of experiences that Derek has had after the death of his Papa Joe.  They have brought a great deal of comfort to me.

One day Derek was on the trampoline playing with the neighbor children.  He started crying when he couldn't get off.  Corey came and took him off.  A short time later, Corey heard Derek crying again and went to see what was the trouble.  Derek was sitting on his bicycle and his dad asked him what was wrong.  Derek replied, "He wanted Papa Joe to come back and be with Grandma Carol".

Another time, the three of them went to some community festival.  Derek got two helium balloons and his dad told him to hang on to them or else they'd get away.  He did until they had apparently arrived home.  Before going in the house, Derek loosened one of the balloons - his dad lunged for it, but Derek stopped him saying, "No Daddy.  That one is for Papa Joe."

He continues to ask questions and try to understand where and why isn't Papa Joe here.

Crying Myself To Sleep

I cried myself to sleep last night.  That was the first time in quite awhile that that has happened.  I think I am evolving into a new phase of my grieving process.  I haven't really stopped crying since the day Joe died.  I only take vacations from it.  I may go for a few days before I really have a good cry or I may have tears well up, but this crying last night was different.

For the last two weekends, I've had the opportunity for some contemplative thinking.  It's all been hinging on the downloading of pictures and sorting through paperwork, etc.  I had no where that I needed to be the previous weekend, so that gave me two whole days for this to take place and it was mental torture.  Mental torture in the sense that it brought out feelings I hadn't had to face in either several weeks or never.  This weekend, I'd kept myself so busy in order that this wouldn't be repeated, but those feelings hit me again yesterday. 

I miss Joe.  Simply said I miss Joe so badly at times.  I really missed him last night after crawling into bed after my nightly prayer.  This was the first time I'd cried myself to sleep in a long time.  The longing to snuggle up behind him or have him come up behind me and cradle my head as he wrapped his arms around me was so very strong last night.  And it hurt to know it can't happen anymore and it brings such pain to my heart. I just wish I could cradle his head between my hands and kiss that sweet face and see him smile.  Even writing about it now, I'm sitting here with tears running down my face and can hardly swallow because of the lump in my throat.

This is a different type of crying.  I think my mind is finally coming to terms and realization that this is a permanent.  I originally cried because of the shock, the horror, the nightmarish circumstances.  Now I think it's the realization of the permanence of knowing Joe is gone.

One of the speakers at the Time Out For Women in early May in Billings had lost his wife to cancer in the last year.  His name is Michael Wilcox  and the title of his presentation was Laying Hold on Every Good Thing.  The description of his talk was...It is the Lord's desire that we find and do good during our time on earth. And He has provided a compass or map to help us know how. If we use the compass of His word, He will direct us to every good thing of life that will enrich our mortal experience, prepare us for eternity, and bring us happiness now and forever.

He said after his wife died, he prayed, "Father in heaven, why do we have to lose the things we love?  and He said, it is the way of things.  That is how we learn how much we love.  That is how we learn what to value, but don't always be said because I can bring good out of even this."

Temple Day With Aunt Ruth and David

Aunt Ruth, David, Corey and I went to the temple that morning while Nikki and Derek were attending a Primary activity.  Then we all met together for dinner that afternoon at Tucano's.

B. J. Still Grieves

One of the places that B.J. spends most of his time is lying in front of the door looking out.  Even if the door is closed, many times he lies there.  I think he's still looking for Joe.

Cleanup In The Backyard

 

So there I was with a backyard full of piles of dog poop, leaves that needed, trees that neede pruning and just clearing up trash that had blown in.  That's when the the Young Men and their leaders, including the Bishop and the former Bishop showed up and cleaned up the back yard for me.

 

 

I only thought it fitting that I served ice cream floats and cookies when they finished.

Family Pictures

Just Let Me Cry

I got on the internet this morning before going to church and ran across this song.  It is so beautiful and somehow it expresses what I can't say to others especially during those times when I need to cry for apparently no reason.

“Just Let Me Cry” by Hilary Weeks

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
We’re not just tossed by the wind,
or left in the hands of fate.
But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected.
And we’re forced to face our deepest pain.
When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under...
I dig my heels in deep,
and I fight to keep my ground.
Still, at times the hurt inside grows stronger.
And there’s nothing I can do but let out...

Just let me cry.
I know it’s hard to see.
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today.
So just let me cry.
Till every tear has fallen.
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why.
Just let me cry.

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me.
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break.
But I know He knows exactly how I’m feeling...
And I know in time He’ll take the pain away.

But for now...
Just let me cry.
I know it’s hard to see but the pain I feel isn’t going away today.
So, just let me cry.
Till every tear has fallen.
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why.
Just let me cry.

I have felt joy,
the kind that makes my heart want to sing.
And so my tears are not a surrender,
I’ll feel that way again.
But for now...
For this moment...

Just let me cry.
I know it’s hard to see.
But the pain I feel  isn’t going away today.
Just let me cry.
Till every tear has fallen.
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why.
Just let me cry

When I listened to this song and read the words, the tears started flowing and kept coming accompanied by deep sobbing. Those sobs that come from deep in the soul – the ones I keep thinking I'm done with.   

Will this keep happening forever? Will I ever be done with the grieving? I don’t know. But I hope that each time I weep, I am healing.  

So, whenever I need to, please just let me cry.

A Celebration of Life

Joe's Celebration of Life was held on June 2 at 2:00.  The Relief Society had taken care of all of the arrangements and all of the kids had gotten together the table display things, including the plants and flowers, so primarily all I had to do was show up.

The program was held in the Relief Society and I remember when walking in seeing that it was totally filled.  (Unfortunately, I don't remember who all showed up, especially since many did not stay for the luncheon).  The program went as follows:

Pianist:  Adri Pehrson

Chorister:  Margaret Hein

Conducting:  Bishop Michael Kleinman

Opening Song:  Page 293 - "Each Life That Touches Ours For Good"

Opening Prayer:  Doug Olsen

Eulogy:  Corey Preston

Celebration Talk:  Cordell Wistisen

Closing Song:  Page 86 - "How Great Thou Art"

Closing Prayer: Chris Harris

(The participating men were some of Joe's favorite friends in the ward).

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The eulogy as written and read by Corey:

I am honored to participate in this celebration of life for Joseph Earl Weaver who began his life on September 21, 1945 as the second son of Walter Earl Weaver and Pauline Jacobs who have preceded him in death.  I will be adding my own loving points into these facts of his life, so take my bits of humor in this, not as disrespect, but as my way of honoring the man I knew.  Joe has an older brother and sister-in-law, Floyd and Mona who live in Indiana and he is the proud father of two sons, Brian and Jason.  Brian and his wife, Amy, and their four lovely daughters live in Ohio, but are here with us today.  Jason lives in Texas and has one child.  I am his stepson, Corey, and I have my wife, Nikki and our son.

Joe had a brilliant mind. Everyone that knew him knows exactly what I’m talking about. The amount of completely useless trivia as we called it, was amazing. The only problem is that for the most part you could actually check the facts and find that he was accurate. His jokes, however witty they may have been, always made you laugh for one reason or another.  He attended graduate school at Manchester College where he learned to speak Latin and received a degree. He then received a law degree at Indiana University.  During his work career, Joe worked as an attorney and later owned and operated a lawn irrigation business.

The first time I met Joe he was wearing a pink polo, shorty shorts, and old man shoes and socks.  As the son of the lady he was dating, it was hard not to start cleaning my gun.  Life as I know it with Joe began officially on July 24^th, 2004 when he married my mother, Carol whom he loved very much.  They were married for almost 8 years and had an extraordinary life together, especially during the time since their move to Wyoming until his death on May 29^th when he suffered his second heart attack. 

Joe had fought valiantly to overcome many, many medical conditions, especially during the last two years.  But, people who knew him said he always had a smile on his face and he never complained about his life’s circumstances.

Joe was baptized as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was later sealed for time and all eternity to my mother.  He served as the second counselor in the bishopric of the Tifton Ward in Georgia where he was responsible for the Primary children’s program.  He also enjoyed working with the Boy Scouts and for the last year, he volunteered at the Casper Senior Center and was a member of the Kiwanis Club. 

He had several hobbies over the years which included hunting, fishing and basketball.  He loved watching NASCAR races and football. He loved going off to places unknown with my mom.

Joe had a sense of humor.  He loved ice cream and huckleberry with a passion.  He wrote poetry, loved yard work and loved his dog, B.J.

He was my stepfather, but I loved him, even though he ALWAYS took my wife’s side on anything.  She could do no wrong in his eyes. I didn’t know him as a man in his younger years, but I did know him as the man who loved my mother, and that’s all I could ask for, for her.  May we be able to remember the good memories and laughs he gave us.

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Various flowers and plants sent by friends and family.  The table display had items brought from home to tell a little bit about Joe.

This table has Joe's cowboy hat and shirt, the picture taken of us in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a poem Joe wrote to me, a listing of things Joe loved and I loved about him and his box of remains.

Weaver girls, Corey, Brian, Steve, Jill and Brianna Shire, me talking to Don Detmers and Amy sitting at the table.

Corey and Brian

Weaver girls and daddy, Brian.

Me and Don Detmers

Derek and Corey

Claire and Brian

Amy, Rachel, Lauren and our neighbor, April.

Brian, me and Bishop Michael Kleinman.

Sheri and Doug Olsen, Kenny Fehyl, Kylie and Shannon Massey, Jocelyn and Summer Anderson.

Me and Derek.

I think this was when Brian was telling me the jalapeno story about him, his brother, Jason, and Joe. 

The Calvary Arrived

Wednesday - The kids arrived around 2:00 a.m. and it was so wonderful seeing them walk into the front door.  I think it was at that time that I felt I could truly begin grieving because someone else was there to make decisions.  In all honesty, I don't remember much about that Wednesday.  I just remember people and food arriving and that's about it.  I think that initial preparations were beginning to be made about some type of service for Joe.

The biggest thing I do remember from that day was Corey and I going to the funeral home to make arrangements for Joe.  I think I wrote all about that in an earlier blog.  It was just such a blessing having the details handled by a worthy member of the church who understood my desires and needs for the burial.

Thursday - This day is a fog also except I do remember going to the Social Security office with Nikki.  I'm so glad so was with me so she could explain things to me later.  I think it was sometime on this day that one of the most special things for me took place.  Since Joe was going to be cremated all of his temple clothing was going to be placed with him since he body could not be dressed due to all of the harvesting of tissue and bones.  Since I had no temple clothing for Joe, the stake graciously provided that for us, as well as tissue paper and ribbon.  I had asked Corey and Nikki if they would please be the ones to prepare the temple packet for Joe while I observed.  They agreed and before they began, we all knelt for a prayer around the ottoman.  Then, I sat on the couch and watched them lovingly, reverently, respectfully prepare the packet of clothing.  What a beautiful moment in time that was.  And then, they took and delivered it to the funeral home.

Friday - Brian, Amy and Rachel, Elaine, Lauren and Claire arrived from Cincinnati, Ohio after traveling since Tuesday.  They took me to lunch which was so nice as it had been about 7 years since I had seen them.  In fact, Claire was not even born at that time.  Joe and I had stopped by to visit with them when we were on our honeymoon in Indiana where they lived at the time.

Lunch and the wonderful company was so nice.  I was so glad that Brian had come and brought the family although I had tried to dissuade them.  I knew I wasn't going planning a funeral program at that time and knowing the time and expense it would take for them to come, I didn't want to cause them any inconvenience.  I'd spoken to Brian many times on the phone over the course of my marriage and had thoroughly enjoyed doing so, but Joe and Brian had a very strained relationship and spoke very little.  Very little until the last few months of Joe's life.  I don't know exactly what happened years ago, but my heart always hurt because they were missing out on the opportunity of being able to have a great relationship.  I do know that Joe was so very sorry that he and Brian didn't have a great father/son camaraderie.  So, I was so happy when Brian and his entire family showed up.  They were a great comfort to me and it was wonderful for me to observe some healing between my kids and Brian and hopefully for Brian a better sense of hearing and seeing how much his father was loved by so many people.  (We've never heard anything else from Joe's other son, Jason, to this day).

The most special event of the day was when Corey and Brian both went to the funeral home to pick up the box of Joe's ashes.  I thought it was quite appropriate that both of my sons went to do one last act of love for Joe.  It was so very strange to have Joe returned home in a rectangular black box.  He now sits on a bookcase shelf in the living room now.

I genuinely love Brian.  He reminds me so much of his father, with his looks, his voice and his temperment.

Journey of Grief - Guilt

The experts say...When someone you care about dies, it's natural to consider the "if-only's" or "what-if''s".  You may also feel guilty if a part of you feels relief - common after extended illnesses or caregiving.  While these feelings of guild or regret are natural, they are sometimes not logical to those around you.  But remember - thinking is logical; feeling is not.

I went through my own list of "if-only's" and "what-if's".  I still think of them from time to time, but have found a certain amount of relief and understanding since I attended the temple last month.  I felt so strongly that I needed to be in the temple as soon as possible for so many reasons.  Before attending the temple, I felt it very necessary to fast for answers and strength that I knew would only come from temple attendance.  I didn't know exactly what I realistically wanted as an answer to my prayers until a conversation with Derek that morning after he was told I wouldn't be eating chocolate chip pancakes that morning. 

Derek:  "Grandma why are you fasting?"
Me:  "Well, let me think about that".
And Derek was off playing before I answered.  But, it did make me think of my reason which I felt was - I wanted to be forgiven of the things I felt guilty for regarding Joe.  I wanted forgiveness for the way I treated him at times.  I wanted forgiveness for the nasty names I sometimes called him.  I wanted forgiveness for the inpatience I felt sometimes.  I wanted forgiveness for not treating him with more love.  And the list went on and on.  Those feelings were being compounded with all of the "if-only's" and "what-if's".

Those "if-only's" and "what-if's" included things like:

• what if we'd been at our home instead of the Sleep Inn?  The EMT's would have gotten to us faster.
• what if they'd gotten to us faster?  Would that have made a difference in Joe's survival?
• what if we hadn't gone away for the weekend?  Did being out in the heat make a difference in him having a heart attack?
• had Joe called out before I heard him?  Had I not heard him if he did?
• what if I hadn't taken him off life support?  Would he have recovered afterall?
• did I give him his insulin the evening before?  Did that contribute to the heart attack?
• what if I'd taken Joe to the doctor earlier about his atrial fibrillation?  Did that hasten the heart attack or cause it? 
• and the biggest "if-only" and "what-if'" of all for me, was "what if" I hadn't taken B.J. outside to use the bathroom?  "What if" I'd come back into the hotel room just a couple of minutes earlier"?  "What if" I'd done CPR on Joe?  I was trained, but never got the opportunity to use it.

And the list can and did go on and on and on.  I'd lay in bed trying to sleep, but never slept well for weeks.  Part of my healing from these questions came when Cordell came to the house one evening and while sitting on the couch, he testified to me that he knew that when he gave Joe his final blessing that it was his time to go - that he would not recover.  Cordell told me that he knew it was Joe's time and he was being called home.  He told me that even if Joe had had the heart attack on the very floor of the emergency room, he still would not have survived.  I finally received peace though when I went to the temple and received an assurance in my heart that I needed to put all this aside.  That I'd done all that I could and in the circumstances I was in during those stressful times.

No one ever know what it's like or will ever understand what it's like to make a decision where someone's life literally hangs in your hands unless you actually have to do so.

I was hoping against hope that because Joe had been given a priesthood blessing and he'd always pulled through before, that my faith would be strong enough that he would be able to be rescitated and eventually go home with me.  I saw that hope slipping by minute by minute until the decision was put in my hands.  How do you let someone that you love slip away?  How do you know if you are making the right decision?  How do you know that some type of miracle won't take place? 

I only know that when I gave the "okay" to have the life support removed from him, that it was only a matter of minutes until he took his last breath and stopped breathing.  And, I will always remember how at peace Joe looked.

----------------------------------------------------

If I Only Had Today"

It seems like I've watched a million sunsets
And stared at a thousand full moons.
Sometimes it feels like I've been here forever
And sometimes it all feels brand new.
I could never count the heartbeats
From the day I was born until now.
But not a single one goes unnoticed
By Him who breathes life in me somehow.
But if there were no more tomorrows
If I knew that I could not stay.
I know how I'd spend every moment
If only I had today.

I'd hold you and listen
And I'd let the dishes sit in the sink.
I'd tell you I loved you over and over
And for once I'd just let the phone ring.
The I'd remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.

I'd wake up before the sun did
And I'd watch as you quietly sleep.
I'd pray for time to move slowly
Knowing the moment won't keep.
All the gifts that Heaven has given
Every blessing that's come my way.
Wouldn't mean anything without you.

So if I only had today.

I'd hold you and listen
I'd memorize every detail of you face.
I'd tell you I loved you over and over
I wouldn't let excuses get in the way.
Then I'd remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.

Final Thoughts On The Last Daycation...

• It was a perfect way in so many ways.  The weather cooperated with us.  We stayed in absolutely wonderful little motels for a very minimal cost.  There was no fussing or fighting or disagreements. 
• While traveling to Hot Springs, Joe made the comment that he "doubted that he would ever see his brother, Floyd, alive".  I took it to mean that Floyd would most likely pass away before him as he had been sick and hospitalized recently.
• We got to meet up with Roger and Connie.  Neither couple knew a few days before that the other would be in the same location at the same time.  And then, they who had no motel reservation in Rapid City, got the only remaining room left where we were staying and were put in the room right next to ours.
• Joe and I got to have our picture taken together and that never happens for us. 
• It was truly a miracle that Joe did not have his heart attack while we were in areas with no phone service and no access to medical attention.  I am truly grateful it didn't happen while he was with only me.
• It was so good, so wonderful, so perfect that I would not change a thing.

The most special part of the trip though for me was what Joe did on the trip home.  Since I drive, Joe used to take lots of naps in the car when we weren't having some type of stimulating conversation.  I remember that we were on the interstate shortly after leaving the Vore Buffalo Jump.  We were riding down the highway when Joe tapped my right knee with his left fingers.  He had a certain way of doing that and it was always a sign of endearment.  It was his way of gently getting my attention, usually meant as a prelude where he would tell me he loved me.

This day when he tapped my knee, I turned to him and said:

Me:  Yes?
Joe:  Do you know how much I love you?
Me:  Why, yes do.  Why do you love me?
Joe:  Because you take such good care of me and you love me.
Me:  Yes, I do.  And, I love you too.

That was the last time I remember an exchange of "I love you"between.  If only I could go back and redo that evening, I would make sure that I told him at least once again how much I loved him.

The Last Daycation - Day 4

This day began with Joe going to have breakfast with Roger and Connie while I showered and packed up our belongings.

We then kissed and hugged all goodbye and headed back to Casper where we passed this interesting car on the interstate.

One of the most important archaeological sites of the Late-Prehistoric Plains Indians.  Discovered during the construction of Highway I-90 in the early 1970's, the Vore site is a natural sinkhole that was used as a bison trap from about 1500 to 1800 A.D.

Buffalo were driven over the edge of the sink hole as a method for the Native American tribes to procure the large quantities of meat and hides needed to survive the harsh prairie winters.

After getting off the interstate near Gillette, we came across a large herd of buffalo.  The 65,000 acres which comprise Durham Ranch has sustained bison since the early 1960’s. The original bison at the Durham ranch came directly from Yellowstone National Park, making this herd very unique indeed.

Durham Ranch presently has about 2,500 purebred American Bison with 1,200 breeder cows. The cows average 1,050 pounds and show an annual calf crop of 90 to 95 percent. The bulls weigh around 1,800 to more than 2,000 pounds at 5 to 6 years of age. The calves are born in April and May, weighing about sixty pounds

We pulled over by the side of the road and leaned up against the car and watched the herd move for probably 20-25 minutes.  They were so fascinating to watch, especially the babies.

And, then we headed back to Casper where I checked Joe and B.J. back into the hotel since we were not going to be able to get back into our home until the next day. 

I went to the house, put furniture back into place, straightened up and vacuumed the carpet for a couple of hours.  Then I stopped by and picked up hamburgers and a Frostie for Joe.  We were both so tired that I don't even remember that we hugged or kissed each other, but rather just fell asleep in our individual beds until the nightmare began the next morning at 4:30 a.m.

The Last Daycation - Day 3

Day three started with Joe and me heading east to Wall, South Dakota home of the famous Wall Drug where we were going to meet up with Roger and Connie who had been driving from Indiana.  All along the way, you'd see all types of signs advertising the drug store.

Wall Drug Store, often referred to simply as "Wall Drug", is a  shopping mall consisting of a drug store, gift shop, restaurants and various other stores. Unlike a traditional shopping mall, all the stores at Wall Drug operate under a single entity instead of being individually run stores.  The small town drugstore made its first step towards fame when it was purchased by Ted Hustead in 1931. Hustead was a Nebraska native and pharmacist who was looking for a small town with a Catholic church in which to establish his business. He bought Wall Drug, located in a 231-person town in what he referred to as "the middle of nowhere", and strove to make a living. Business was very slow until his wife got the idea to advertise free ice water to parched travellers heading to the newly-opened Mount Rushmore monument 60 miles to the west. From that time on business was brisk. Wall Drug grew into a cowboy-themed shopping mall/department store. Wall Drug includes a western art museum, a chapel and an 80-foot Apatosaurus that can be seen right off Interstate 90.

When we met up with Roger and Connie, we loaded up and headed to spend the day in the Badlands National Park...

Our last picture ever...

 Roger and Joe...

 Joe and I almost stepped on a snake...

Roger's truck with Joe in it.  The guys rode together and Connie rode in my car.  We were on our way to a picnic area when we encountered these buffalo...

These are rare albino prairie dogs located outside Badlands National Park...

Our last adventure of the day was visiting a Minuteman Missile National Historic Site in the middle of nowhere South Dakota. 

In the late 1950s the Air Force chose South Dakota as one of the locations to base the nation's nuclear arsenal with the installation of Minuteman missiles. The Army Corps of Engineers (Army Corps) began surveying sites throughout western South Dakota by the fall of 1960, and subsequently began negotiating with landowners for rights-of-entry to construct Launch Facilities. The Minuteman I Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) construction program at Ellsworth Air Force Base progressed rapidly and construction began during the fall of 1961.

The Air Force's policy on site selection in South Dakota was multifaceted. Sites were primarily selected by balancing a variety of criteria, including maximizing Minuteman operations, minimizing each sites' vulnerability to sabotage, using the taxpayers' money wisely, and adapting individual sites to construction and operational needs, all with an eye to unique qualities of individual locations.  Other factors that contributed to the selection of sites were the physical features of the land, including the geology and terrain of the area, the types of soil, and the amount of available ground water.

For cost and efficiency, the Air Force located missile sites near the existing Ellsworth Air Force Base in order to provide logistical support to the facilities. The missiles were located within an area approximately one hundred miles east and north of the base, in an expanse covering approximately 13,500 square miles of western South Dakota. We truly were out in the middle of nowhere.

This is the absolutely the last picture ever taken of Joe some 36 hours before his death.

This is looking down into where the missle is located.

When we finished visiting this site, we all then headed to Rapid City for dinner and to go to bed since we were all pooped.