Jots and Thoughts: 2011

Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 Recap of the Year That Was - Crappy, Stressed, Emotional, etc. etc., etc.

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JaNUaRy started out as a year with high hopes and expectations. Life was good considering we had gone through about six weeks with no medical problems, I had a great job which was paying very well and there was the promise of 12 brand new months and a clean slate.

Two weeks into the new year and month we had medical emergency no. 1. I had tried calling Joe for approximately 45 minutes and couldn't reach him. At first, I thought he might have stepped outside to feed the dogs. Then I thought maybe he's stepped outside to check the mail. Then it was that he must be in the bathroom and can't get to the phone. I knew he shouldn't and really couldn't go anywhere since it was very, very cold and snowy and he should be home. Finally, I called the Sheriff's Department, told them where to find a house key and they sent a deputy over to do a "well check". When the Deputy found Joe, he was unconscious on the kitchen floor and was rushed to the hospital. Apparently his blood sugar had dropped too low and he was going into a diabetic coma. Luckily he survived with no apparently problems and got to go home. http://jocarweaver.blogspot.com/2011/04/yes-its-true.html.

January 20th brought the end of my job out in the oilfield. 27 people, including myself, were laid off due to "budgetary problems". I immediately filed for unemployment benefits and began searching for a new job. The rest of the month was having lunch with friends, job interviews and taking Joe to doctor appointments. We were also able to make our first trip of the year to Utah for a belated Christmas celebration with the kids. http://jocarweaver.blogspot.com/2011/04/january-2011-trip-to-kids.html and also share in the celebration of Travis and Lindsea's wedding in Utah. FB said: "What a great day it was! Loved spending time with my sweet hubby, lunch with friends, Skyped Travis and Lindsea's wedding reception in Georgia, phone calls from caring friends checking on us and a quiet evening at home and clean sheets on the bed. Ahhhh."

fEBrUAry - More job searching in the coldest of winter weather!, Joe had a fistula gram operation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemodialysis, I started working part-time for an insurance agency where I was free to job search and take Joe to doctor appointments. We made our first trip to Utah to share in Derek's third birthday http://jocarweaver.blogspot.com/2011/04/dereks-3rd-birthday-party.html. More doctor appointments and dialysis. 2/1/11 FB said: "I can't believe that I went job hunting in -30+ degree weather today. It was butt cold and face cold and hands cold, etc.! I think I'll put it off going out again tomorrow and just search from home. Bright spot of the day was having Derek visit with Grandma Carol on the "compooter" this afternoon. 2/19/11 FB - What a great day! Spent time w/my sweetie, spent time w/ a good friend, phone conversations w/family, went grocery shopping all by myself, went to a lecture about the Buffalo Soldiers at the Interpretive Center, ate me some Chinese food all amongst snowflakes throughout the day. Ahh, life is so good. 2/25/11 FB - My fortune cookie today said "Sometimes the object of the journey is not the end, but the journey itself". I find that to be true. Live each day as though it is your own personal journey or adventure because we can't obsess about the future. That's why my heart aches 4 Joe because he doesn't seem to think life will get betr bcause of so much negativity from people @ dialysis. I want a permanent smile back on his face. 2/26/11 FB - No trip to Denver this weekend after all. Joe's kidney evaluation appointment was rescheduled to the following Monday due to a technical error with his insurance company. I was already salivating at the thought of eating at Sweet Tomatoes and bringing me back some Church's and Popeye's chicken.

MARcH - Resumes, interviews, doctor appointments, part-time work and then a trip to Denver. The purpose of the Denver trip was a kidney transplant evaluation for Joe. It was a wonderful diversion for us. A trip to a big city - eating out in some old favorite restaurants, spending the night in a motel and just getting away from all the regularness of our lives. The outcome of the trip was continued monitoring of Joe's kidneys and fluids around his heart and lungs. Been sitting here in the hospital waiting room for a couple of hrs. Joe was having surgery to have his dialysis port work better so it was nothing big, this time. 3/14/11 FB: Sitting in Denver @ the hospital waiting on the next dr. to come in for Joe's transplant evaluation. What a great place with wonderful people. The weather is beautiful here 2day. What a rush driving in the "going to work" traffic this morning!!! After some add'l tests done for Joe in Casper, results will be sent back to Denver so panel can decide if Joe is to be put on transplant list. Hopefully will know something in the next two weeks. It's all according to the doctors and Heavenly Father now. The staff was incredibly wonderful to us and wow, what a hospital!

The following weekend we went down to Cheyenne for an appointment with an eye specialist to see if anything could be done to improve Joe's eyesight. That was a fun trip which ended with us almost being snowed in because of a blizzard. Power was even cut at the motel and Joe and I had to huddle together in our bed until the power was restored. 3/18/11 FB: We're home...again. This time from Cheyenne. What a trip!. Got to the hotel last night and started having a mini blizzard. Went to eat and when we got back we couldn't find our hotel. The electricity had gone out to all the hotels in that area so it was total darkness. Great when temperature drops and you've no heat in your room for 2 hrs. eye specialist says most likely nothing can be done for Joe's eyes which is sad. However, he's being referred to one other specialist that may be able to do one other procedure in one eye so we'll have to wait and see what happens. 3/28/11 FB: Busy week upon us - dialysis, work @ temporary job, full-time job interview, dialysis, temporary job, "aggressive dialysis", temporary job, echo cardiogram, eye specialist (Joe losing more eyesight and the "aggressive" and extra dialysis and echo cardiogram are at the request of the Colorado transplant team). 3/31/11 FB: Joe went for his 3rd "aggressive" dialysis in a row today and then for his echo cardiogram, so he's kinda wiped out. The results are being sent to Denver to the transplant team and hopefully this will be his last test and the results are good so he can be put on the kidney transplant list. (Note: Eventually Joe was denied being placed on the transplant list because of fluid around heart and lungs and too many other health complications).

APRil - The greatest thing that happened in April was that Joe FINALLY got out of the house! He started working as a volunteer at the local Senior Citizen's Center http://jocarweaver.blogspot.com/2011/04/back-in-saddle-again.html. I was so happy for him! And then there were more doctor appointments, job interviews and a sleep study for Joe. 4/1/11 FB: A blessed day. Joe went to eye specialist and had surgery done on his right eye with expectation that it will help him see better. No hope for left eye though. 4/23/11 FB:   Not a good day in dialysis for Joe. I think they drained him of everything. Poor guy had to be helped into car and house so he wouldn't fall over, not hungry, nauseous, headache and I've tucked him into bed. Called the center to see if anything unusual took place - they said no. 4/27/11 FB: Joe is back in the hospital tomorrow - out patient for ANOTHER surgery on his arm where they are trying to do his dialysis. Hopefully third time will be the charm. All went wonderfully well with Joe today...Joe did not have to have surgery on his arm (fistula). After numbing the area and shooting in some dye, apparently it did a self heal on itself. See prayers really do get answered! :)

MAY - We weren't able to make it back to Georgia this year for the family reunion. With all of Joe's medical problems, I didn't feel it would be a wise decision and having lost a job had put a strain on our finances. We did make our 3rd trip to Utah during the month and were thrilled to attend a performance of "Riverdance" in Casper. A sad moment of the month though was the death of a dear friend who had been on my visiting teaching list since we'd moved to Casper. Her death was unexpected and heart-breaking for me. 5/14/11 FB: What can I say about today? It was a sad day. It began with cold, sad weather and then receiving a call that saddened my heart. Found out that a friend of mine is now in hospice and not expected to live much longer. I was told, while conscious, that she asked for me and when I got the message and went to see her, she is no longer conscious. How do you tell a friend goodbye and that you want her to know that you loved her when she is already slipping away? How do you tell her that you will miss her smile, her laugh and her infectious personality? What an honor to know that she counted me among someone that she cared about. Lesson learned here...tell your friends, your family you love them whenever possible. We never know when that opportunity may no longer be an option.

JunE - June had us dust the snow off the car and head out for our first daycation of the year. Joe also had to start bi-weekly physical therapy because of increased severe problems with balance and therapy. All year long he'd been experiencing increased eye problems, memory and balance coordination. His condition was described as "Parkinsonian like symptoms". June also found me finally finding a full-time job working at a local RV dealership. And, the kids came over from Utah for a great weekend visit with us!

jULy - We had company - Ally and Ryan came and spent July 4th weekend with us. The month was spent doing daycations in Nebraska and in Wyoming. We had the usual doctor and therapy visits and celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary and my 59th birthday. 7/25/11 FB: Hello hospital. It's been almost 7 months since we last visited. Poor Joe got whipped at dialysis today. Could hardly get him into the house but 45 mins later I did. Then things didn't improve so I called a friend to help me get him back into the car many minutes later. Dr. advised bringing him here to get more fluids. So here we sit, while one sits and one lies on that little skinny bed with an iv drip. We should go home, let me rephrase that we better go home tonight. Not starting this stuff again!!!

Got some 80 birthday wishes on Facebook alone today, plus phone calls and a surprise birthday party at the office.

aUGUst - More fun daycations, including going into Montana, but not a so great one when Joe had to be transported to the ER in Laramie because he kept passing out. 8/13/11 FB: We're home after our daycation to the mountains. Unfortunately we had to make a detour to an ER. In short, while some 40 miles away from a hospital, Joe got sick and we hightailed it out of the mountains. Had to call 911, deputy and ambulance met us outside of Laramie to get Joe and headed for ER. After a short stay, we got to leave - YAY! He had extremely high blood sugar and blood pressure as well as fell down and almost had seizure - don't know why, but he's much better now and we are home. Thankful toand we are home. Thankful to be here and grateful that all things fell into place to get him medical attention. Prayers are answered! 8/18/11 FB:It's official...Joe has a cracked rib from a fall over the weekend. Unfortunately nothing can be done other than rest, meds and ace bandage. There will be no daycation this weekend for us.    8/28/11 FB: Update on Joe...his rib is doing better. Blood sugar still extremely high. Dialysis didn't go well two days last week, but he did sleep through the night for the first time in a long time last night.

My Aunt Erma died. She was the wife of my Uncle Dave and was such a gentle, quiet lady whom I was always exited to see when they came to visit. She will be missed.

SeptEMBer - I quit my job with the dealership. I felt under so much pressure in my new job and medically Joe was declining again. He was having problems walking, seeing, lots of cognitive problems, having lots of falls and it was like I was caring for a large two year old. Joe had an appointment with a neurosurgeon who pronounced that Joe had been having a series of strokes and was most likely afflicted with vascular dementia. 9/3/11 FB: Well we're off on an extended daycation to North and South Dakota in just a bit where it's now 46 degrees where we'll be spending the night. Here's hoping for a fun and medically uneventful time with my sweetie. 9/4/11 FB: We're home - 860 miles later. Arrived to find dogs had gotten out of the yard and were returned by some nice person. Can mark visiting North Dakota off my list and don't plan on visiting again. Lunch in Rapid City, South Dakota before going to hang out with George, Thomas, Franklin and Abe at Mt. Rushmore. What a great trip, but so glad to be home. 9/6/11 FB: things are changing for Joe :(. He got lost last night in the bedroom and couldn't find the bed even with the light on. I had to help him get there and crawl in. Then this morning, he forgot how to put on his shoes. Went to dr. for some tests today. 9/15/11 FB: Weaver update...I've quit my job after 90 days. Too stressful for me most every day. Will work until time to fly to Georgia. Joe will be seeing a neurologist soon to hopefully determine cause(s) for memory loss problems he's been having. Taking each day one at a time cuz I sure can't think too much beyond that. So looking forward to spending time away from all this when we spend some time down south in about 20 days! 9/22/11 FB: Joe's appointment with the eye doctor went wonderfully. His eyesight doesn't appear to have changed. Apparently his dialysis is just messing with his eyes from time to time. Doesn't mean it won't get worse. But he is still very, very unsteady and that's the reason for the balance therapy. 9/28/11 FB: My morning has started out with hearing Joe call my name. Got up and found him in the bathtub. Apparently he was drying off outside the tub, lost his balance and fell back into the tub. I finally got him out of the tub, but couldn't manage to maneuver him off the floor and he was too weak. So, I had to call 911 and ask them to please send help with no lights or sirens and six burly dudes showed up and got his little nekkid body off the floor. 9/29/11 FB: So today...Joe thinks the bus forgot to pick him up @ the house. He goes and climbs in the bed, the bus shows up - no Joe. Door's open, house key on ground and walking stick halfway in and out. Driver knocks and yells - no Joe. She calls supervisor who comes and knocks and yells - no Joe. 20 mins. later they call police who find Joe just waking up. I get call from neighbor later that police have been at my home, I call house - no Joe answers, call where he was supposed to have been - no Joe. I leave work, hurry home and find him asleep again after everyone has left.

OCToBER - We finally made it home to Georgia the first week in October!!! Joe had to be transported to the hospital in Tifton though when he had an apparent seizure. He was also scheduled for a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) because it was determined that he had water on the brain. I was back working at the insurance agency - with no benefits though. 10/23/11 FB: Well the kids just left and took Blaze with them too. After 4 yrs. of caring for the granddog, it's unbelievably hard to see her ride away in the truck. What a wonderful weekend spent with kids. One of the best visits in quite awhile. It still hurts my mama heart when I see my son and his family leave. :( 10/18/11 FB: Today was the day Joe went to the neurologist. In a nutshell...Joe does not have Alzheimer's; he has had several strokes and seizures and will be having a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) next week to drain fluid from his brain which may have been causing some of his mental/memory/balance problems. A shunt may have to be implanted if fluid returns. He may al...so have vascular dementia, but we won't know for sure until possibly after the procedure next week. Prayers and positive thoughts are welcome. It is such a relief to know that someone has finally validated what I've been seeing and what Joe and I have been living with - especially in the last three months. 10/29/11 FB: Update on Joe. Went to pick him up from dialysis yesterday and we left an hour later. Just before he was supposed to leave, his blood pressure dropped dramatically, his fingernails and lips turned blue and skin was very cold. He was put on oxygen which helped and he was able to leave after dr. made arrangements for oxygen over the weekend at home. He's going in for a chest x-ray first thing Monday morning to see if that might help explain what happened.

NOVEMBER - Joe wound up in the ER and then in ICU with hydrocephalus for a week. He had totally lost touch with reality and kept falling. I was asked to bring his living will to the hospital and DNR was being discussed because the situation with Joe was very dire this time. 11/3/11 FB: At hospital w/joe. i woke up hearing him keeping calling"dad, dad,dad". I went 2 check on him thinking he was dreaming, found him on floor totally scrambled. blood sugars ok, eyes glazed, slurred words and no oxygen in nose. wound up calling EMT's who said blood pressure very high which is total opposite of his normal. Joe is now in ICU with drs. trying to find out what is going on. He may have hypertensive encephalopathy which I understand it is that high blood pressure is causing swelling on the brain. It was a strange day yesterday with two falls last night and then this trip to the hospital. He has no idea where he is and speaks with some foreign gibberish when he does speak.

FB Update on Joe...He has had an echo cardiogram done, a ventilation-perfusion scan (VQ) which is to look for evidence of a blood clot in the lungs. Waiting on those results. Will have a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) sometime today to relieve the brain of fluid. They are also inserting a PICC line which is a long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a vein in the upper arm and insert.

11/4/11 FB: Joe got moved out of ICU. Shortly afterwards his blood pressure started going up again and they've just taken him in for a dialysis session hoping that it brings it down.  Joe is doing much better today and may even be moved out of ICU. (Later) Still hooked up to blood pressure meds and won't have dialysis today as it would throw his bp out of whack. Dr. said Joe does have enlarged vessels in his brain which is causing the swelling and hopefully spinal tap will help/take care of problem when it's done soon. He has absolutely no memory of what has happened to him in the last couple of days which is probably very good.

ll/7/11 FB: Better day today. Joe was taken to dialysis in the hospital very early this morning for 4 hours and was doing fine until he became nauseated in the afternoon. He's much better now and speaking and thinking much more clearly. They've removed the catheter much to his delight and started him on his "delicious pineapple flavored" gallon of prep for his colonoscopy for sometime tomorrow to determine cause of bleeding that started a couple of days ago. He just can't seem to get a break. But, I am encouraged with his mental and cognitive progress. I truly believe in the power of the priesthood and in the power of prayer from our many friends and family members.

11/8/11 FB: Daily Joe update...had colonoscopy done today. They discovered polyps and are doing biopsy. He's doing so good today - conversation and humor! I told the nurse to take away his phone for tonight though as he called me every hour last night/early morning. :) Makes getting a good nights sleep a little hard. If all goes well, he may be coming home tomorrow afternoon after a session of dialysis.

11/10/11 FB: Joe's home and doing wonderfully and miraculously great. I truly do see and feel the power of the knowledge of the medical personnel who attended him, as well as the priesthood blessing he received, the many, many prayers and good thoughts sent by awesome people known and unknown and most especially for the blessings and love of my Heavenly Father.

Joe became enrolled in an adult daycare setting because he cannot be left alone. Thanksgiving was a very low key day spent at home together with our own turkey dinner. I was asked to come back to work at the RV dealership on a part-time basis until the first of the year. I went since the pay was so much better, the pace of work had slowed down and I felt I could handle it better this time. I stayed until the last week of December when they let me go again. We had more company from back east - Travis and Lindsea came and spent the night with us. The visit was too short!

decEMBer - The month started out with a company Christmas dinner at a nice restaurant. Great prime rib and it turned into a really snowy, snowy evening! Joe was fitted with a tracking bracelet by the Emergency Management Office in case he would wander off anytime. It'll go well with his Lifeline necklace in case he needs medical assistance and I wasn't around.

Joe's behavior and mood had begun to change drastically. He became very moody and disoriented and in his confused stupor, he told the dialysis social worker a number of things he shouldn't have. One night we had an unexpected visit by two police officers to check on our welfare and then a visit from the state Department of Family Services social worker the next week. I discovered the reason for his dramatic change - his anti-depression medical had been discontinued during his hospital stay and upon his return home - cold turkey and it shouldn't have been. Once he was back on those meds, things returned to a better place.

Trina's mom died...12/16/11 FB: In fond memory of my Wyoming mom, Mother Mary, who passed away yesterday. She was one beautiful and loving person. One of my greatest blessings when I moved to Wyoming was working with and getting to know Trina and then having the opportunity to meet and know her mother. Mother Mary's hugs and kisses were the best and she loved and accepted me as one of her other kids. I will miss her deeply. A week later 12/23/11 another friend - Jim Munger died. Jim had briefly been my supervisor in the oilfield until he'd become ill a month before Joe's heart attack. I spent time with his wife while he was in the hospital and she spent time with me when Joe was in the hospital. This went back and forth until they moved last October.

We ended our year with a trip to Utah to spend Christmas with the kids. Thank goodness the trip was totally uneventful!

The Heber Creeper Train

The day after Christmas, the kids, Derek and Joe and I went on a train ride. We drove to Heber City and boarded the "Heber Creeper" so named because it creeps along the countryside.

Christmas 2011

The road heading out of Casper on Friday morning was glazed over and frozen with several inches of ice and snow. The driving was like this most of the way until we finally hit the interstate.

The lovely decorated Preston Christmas tree.

Saturday morning I was getting myself and Joe ready so I could take him for his Saturday morning dialysis session in Provo. While getting ready, Corey started reading me an article in The Tifton Gazette that had been sent to him over his cellphone. Read below...
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TIFTON — You can count on Jim Cattell to read the Christmas Story as much as you count on Santa Claus to bring toys for good boys and girls tonight.

“My firm memory of doing this would be in Christmas 1960 when we lived in Virginia,” says Cattell, “but I also read it off and on during the early 1950s.”

This Christmas’ reading makes it at least the 51st time he’s told it to a hushed, special audience---his family.

Jim steps down from his living room to his bedroom, moves to the second rack of hanging clothes where a red vest stands out much like the bright star in the East on Christmas night. He gently removes the vest, makes his way back to the living room and puts it on over a white shirt and sits in his recliner.

The family of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren eats another treat and gets ready to hear him read the story that never changes.

Most of the family lived in and around Tift County, but not anymore. A grandson lives in Seattle, Washington and won’t make it to the family’s gathering. Other family members missed some of the in-person readings over the years.

“I remember when I was pregnant and living in Illinois and couldn’t make it home for Christmas,” says his daughter, Susan. “I was alone and dad sent a note I read on Christmas Eve.”

The note drew a comparison between the Virgin Mary and Susan, both young, a little frightened and about to deliver a baby.

“I’ll never forget it,” says Susan with a quiver in her voice.

A dark blue, leather bound Bible sits between Jim and his wife, Hazel , who wears a red dress and smiles with anticipation. Papers stick out the top of the Bible, as Jim’s big hand gently moves it from the table to his lap.

“My eyesight has failed me, so excuse me for not directly reading it from the Bible. I can assure you these words are the right words,” says Cattell.

Yes, you certainly can.

The orange highlight used to make Christmas Story’s Bible verses standout have faded, much like his vision, but his Christmas Eve memories haven’t.

He recalls recording an audio tape of the Story when he served in Viet Nam. He knew the annual party would continue stateside as it was their tradition, but Susan wondered if this was the year her father break it.

“I remember mother surprising us by removing two tapes from a box on Christmas Eve. One tape was just for her and the other was the Christmas story dad had recorded,” says Susan.

Jim remembers vividly that year. It was 1970. He commanded a language school in Saigon and rented a hotel ballroom for his 125 troops to celebrate Christmas. Literally a few miles away, it looked as if a fireworks show was under way, but it wasn’t.

“The war was that close, right across the Saigon River,” says Jim.

That night he heard a few holiday partiers a few barracks down from his.

“We didn’t have widows, just netting,” says Jim. He heard Christmas music in the distance.

“Someone played a banjo and the guys were singing,” says Jim. “Here I was 10,000 miles away from my family. I’ll remember this until the day I die.”

Like then, separation from family at Christmas is becoming the norm, not the exception.

“Now the family has begun getting scattered away and larger,” says Jim who counts 19 grandchildren and 14 great-grandchildren, plus their four children.

He made a DVD of the Story to send to those who can’t make it this year and for the family’s history album, all because of a story he knows by heart because his heart believes it no matter what might separate them on Christmas Eve.
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As Corey was reading this to me, I was putting on my shoes. At the conclusion, I made a comment like "Well, I see Susan managed to make it about her". That is, what I recall, when Nikki lit into me about what I said. "This story was supposed to be about Dad and a surprise to me. I didn't get the message of the article. Shame on me" and she went into tears. Even Corey when a little crazy. I tried to tell them they didn't know the story behind why I would say what I did. It wasn't a surprise. Susan had told me about it several weeks before. In fact, Nancy had spoken to me about it also. There was some disagreement between the two sisters as to whether Joe Courson should have even been asked to do this interview with Mom and Dad. My understanding was that Nancy thought we should all remember how Dad looked and sounded in an earlier taped recording and not have him when he was much weaker and frailer. I saw no problem with the new one since I didn't have a copy of any other reading at all. Dad was even aware of all of this. These discussions between the sisters and Dad had gone on for quite awhile. But, it had been my understanding that all of us children would be asked for our impressions of the reading during an interview with Joe. That never happened. So, with Susan and her children being the only ones singled out with quotes and living locations AND her propensity for always seeking and wanting the limelight, that's why I made that comment. I felt I was justified in saying what at that time - in the presence of my family, my son, my daughter-in-law, no other family member, but Nikki especially took issue to that. In fact, she was so upset with me that she told me "why don't you just get your things and go home".

I left immediately to take Joe to dialysis. We discussed and debated about actually leaving and going home at the completion of his dialysis session. Joe reminded me that this Christmas was about Derek and therefore, we should stay. And, because of the text messages Corey kept sending asking me to please stay and not go home, we decided to stay. It was a very strained weekend.

My joy came from seeing Derek and Corey open up their presents we had brought for them. Nikki never expressed any joy or happiness for her gifts, but I'm hoping she enjoyed them. They were items she had specially stated she wanted from a certain store and that's what we did.

This is the hat I bought from Corey when we made the trip back to Georgia in October. Notice Joe's Elmo pants.

A gift from the kids for Joe.

Seeing his new bicycle from Papa Joe for the first time being wheeled into the living room.

It was a very strained weekend. By far, it was one of the worst Christmases I can remember having.

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Note: Tomorrow is Easter. I called today and spoke with Corey and told him that we were planning on coming for a visit during Memorial Day weekend. That would be the first time we'd all gotten together since Christmas - 5 months later. Doesn't appear to be happening though as they will be going out of town to pick up a dishwasher that weekend. It's a shame to live only 8-9 hours away and still not be able to see each other.

Travis and Lindsea Came For A Visit

Travis and Lindsea came to see us on November 14th on their way to move to their new home and life in Washington State. We were so excited to see them after so long of not seeing them. Unfortunately, they got in late that evening and we had to head out to work the next morning and then they traveled on. But, we'll always take what time we get to spend time with any family or friends who may come our way.

I had wanted to take a picture of the kids the night before when they arrived, but forgot to. So, I took this one while they were still sleeping thinking they wouldn't be awake when we left that morning.

We got caught though getting ready to head out of the door and Lindsea took this picture of Travis, myself and Joe.

We came home that afternoon though to find these on our dining room table...

They are "Yeti" hats from Disneyworld. Joe and I have gotten many comments and compliments when we wear them. People have offered to buy them, like them, love them, smile at them, laugh at them. I'll bet we are the only two people in Wyoming that probably have them!

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Picture of Papa Joe wearning his Yeti hat while in Utah for Christmas.

Georgia Trip

Note: This is written six months after the return from our trip to Georgia.
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We went back to Georgia the first week in October. It was the first time I'd returned home in 1 1/2 years. Where did the time go? How could it have flown so quickly?

I don't quite know what I was expecting upon my return. I just knew that this was going to be a different trip in many ways. It was a different time of year. Joe was having lots of medical problems. I knew I wasn't wanting to spend too much time away from being with Mom and Dad. It wasn't going to be spent driving to Valdosta, and surrounding areas, to visit old friends. I needed and wanted to spend as much time with Mom and Dad and Aunt Rachel as possible.

Before we left, I got two very distinct phone calls. One from Dad to tell me that there had been a lots of changes in Mom so be prepared. One from Nancy telling me to be prepared for the changes in Mom and Dad. Mom wouldn't be talking too much and Dad had gotten very frail.

All this proved to be very true. I had taken my camera with me as I always do. However, on this trip I should have left it at home. I never, ever took the first picture of Mom or Dad or Aunt Rachel. For some reason I didn't want to document the changes that had occurred since my last visit. I didn't want to look at the pictures showing the changes in all of them when I went back home. So, that's the reason there are no pictures of any of them.

The trip out proved to be uneventful - a non-stop flight and no medical issues for Joe. It was a difficult trip though as I had to be constantly aware of where he was and what he was doing. Thank goodness that most of the time he was in a wheelchair being pushed by someone else. I wrangled the luggage and all the paperwork.

When we arrived in Atlanta, Vickie Piscotti picked us up at the airport. She said this was her way to be able to make sure she got some visitation time with us. What a blessing that was! This way I didn't have to drag all the luggage and Joe over to the rental counter and then catch the train out to the car rental area.

Nancy let me borrow one of their cars and we stayed out at Ann's house as we always do. How wonderful it was to be back and visit with her for all those days. We had our own bedrooms again and that presented the opportunity for me to have the best sleep I'd had in weeks.

Attending church was nice as I got to see old friends, but it wasn't my ward anymore. It definitely wasn't like my ward here in Casper. I did have lunch with the old Child Care Resource and Referral Agency peoples like we do every time I come into town. How wonderful to spend some time with them and meet Amy's new baby too. Of course, there was not enough time to visit together.

(Me, Amy w/ Casen and Shirley and Jerry)
Jerry had us all over for a spectacular lunch at her home w/ our husbands.

We had lunch with Natalie Underwood one day. What a good friend she has always been. She would have picked us up at the airport, but had unbreakable commitments at work and couldn't get away. (She and Vickie (and the Clements family) were always my favorite daycare moms and it's been a real pleasure watching their children grow up.

The morning before we were to fly out, Joe had a medical emergency. I went into check on him about 3:15 a.m. and found him slumped across his bed, having thrown up, sweating profusely, unconscious and apparently did a fall with such great force that he almost pushed the mattress off the box spring. He'd also felt too hot and had removed all of his clothing. I immediately went and woke up Ann and the EMT's were called and he was taken to the hospital where he stayed for several hours and then was released. Nothing was found in any of the tests which were run other than they thought he might have a kidney infection. He could possibly have had a stroke also. Thank goodness this happened when it did and not on the plane or driving home.

I went and visited with Aunt Rachel most every day. The heartbreak for me though was when I went to visit with her alone the night before we left to tell her goodbye. Had I known at that time that that was the last time I'd see her, I'd have hugged her even longer and harder and told her many more times how much I loved her. Telling Ann goodbye too was a tearful experience. What do you say to someone who has been your friend for 30+ years? I love you just doesn't seem to cover it all.

The morning we left, Gary and Emily Flanders drove us to Warner Robins to catch the airport shuttle. I'm so glad that Gary was driving because my heart and my eyes were so full that I don't think I could have driven. It was one of the hardest things for me to do - leave Mom and Dad not knowing when the next time would be to see them. Phone calls are nice, but personal visits are so much better.

The best part about the trip, other than visiting peoples, was bringing back green peanuts to be boiled. They were packed everywhere in our luggage - no wasted space.

Making Decisions

The first week in November Joe was admitted to the hospital again for ultimately finding out he had fluid on his brain. After everything he's gone through in the last year and a half it seemed as though he's just about exhausted every medical problem from the top of his fuzzy head to the bottom of his eight remaining toes. But, it seemed there were more things to go wrong with him.

This medical emergency was so much more different that anything I'd experienced with him before. There was more of an urgency - a crisis - an impending disaster that was spiraling quickly out of control. The ER doctor and staff must have felt the same as Joe was only in the emergency room for a very few minutes before being rushed to the intensive care unit.

I knew this was so much more different and critical than other hospital stays just by the way the doctors and nurses acted and the rapid settling into the ICU. And then it began.

I was asked if we had a Living Will on file with the hospital? Not on file, but we have one. Yes, I will go home immediately and get a copy and be right back. Then it was explaining the Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) policy. Did I understand that it might come to this point? Yes, No, I didn't. I didn't want to discuss this right now. "Mrs. Weaver you need to be prepared". Sign this consent for ______. Do you give us permission to ______?

This is one of the times that Joe was hallucinating and kept picking at his gown. Joe was not even aware that I was in his room when this picture was taken.

Then after the worse was over, it was doctors talking to me about possible extensive rehabilitation in a facility for several weeks. Then it was another doctor talking to me about the possible putting Joe in a nursing home. All this was more than I felt I could handle. No more talking to people - no doctors, no family, no friends, NO ONE! I just wanted to be left alone and process what my mind could and would understand. I made one call. I called Marla - my dear friend who had gone through a similar situation a little over a year ago. She had everyones phone numbers of who I would call if I could. I gave her the facts - nothing more - and she made the calls to family and friends and for someone to come give us priesthood blessings. In the end, Joe got to come home virtually a new man. Between the spinal tap and the blessings from my Heavenly Father, Joe has been able to function a great deal on his own. He still has cognitive problems. He doesn't understand things dealing with time. He still has balance problems. He still has orientation problems. There are still so many things wrong that will never be right, but he's home.

Joe kept pulling out his oxygen tube, trying to take out his I.V., and picking at anything else that was attached to him. Because he wouldn't quit, they eventually had to restrain his arms.

What people won't/don't understand is that with all the decisions I have to make, my own thinking gets stuck sometimes. Making financial arrangements, choosing the right kind of services, filling out and signing immeasurable amounts of paperwork, trying to second guess what Joe might do next, figuring out ways to make his life easier and more manageable, trying to find life insurance on someone that no one wants to cover - I get overwhelmed by all the pros and cons of the various options. Sometimes I can't decide what's best. And, I'm trying to do all this while attempting to maintain some semblance of normalcy by holding down a low-paying job with no benefits. I do the cooking, cleaning, the grocery shopping and making sure that Joe goes to all of his appointments and has everything he needs when he is gone from the house. Every morning it's making sure that he has bus tickets, his medications, his lunch for after dialysis, his drink and snack for during dialysis, making sure that his pants, his belt, his shirt, underwear and socks are laid out and ready for him to put on the next morning. Some may argue that lots of people do that everyday. Yes, that's true and I know that I don't have it as bad as some others may. But, some may need to understand that this is my husband - I am not an old person nor am I a young one either. This is supposed to be the wonderful years of our lives and our marriage. Even Joe now recognizes that he is no longer like a husband, but rather like my child and that hurts - both of us.

What I've noticed is that the harder I push myself to decide, the more confused I sometimes get. If I'm not getting the results I need, it makes sense to stop pushing for a while. It makes sense to tell others that I will get back to them as soon as possible. I can set aside my deliberation and no something else until my mind clears or I can just sit quietly. I can pray and ask my Heavenly Father for direction, for some type of insight as to what I should and need to do. Eventually I will get my quietness and get my answer, my solution.

I look forward to 2012 in the hopes that maybe the worse is behind us. And, if it's not, maybe I've got an adequate amount of past experience under my belt to help me make those decisions I may be faced with in a calmer and more peaceful, tranquil way with complete faith that my Heavenly Father knows what I can handle.

Mt. Rushmore - 2011

Joe seeing Mt. Rushmore for the first and probably only time. He was having problems with his eyes that day so actually seeing everything was difficult for him.