Personal Contemplation

Someone recently sent me an email that floats around from time to time. It's the one where you answer a series of questions i.e., favorite food, who was the last person you spoke with, what tv show you last watched, etc. There was one question that really made me stop and do some serious contemplation about what to put as the answer. The question was "What is your greatest fear?" Wow, that one really made me think. My answer was: "Being left alone in Wyoming without Joe". I had never really thought of the future in that sense until I wrote that answer.

Let's think about this...here I am in a state where I have no living relatives. The nearest are about 500 miles away in Utah. If I was left alone without Joe, what would I do? I have no home left in Georgia and am bound only to that state now because of my parents and siblings. I have two funeral plots bought and paid for in Georgia, but is that where I would want to be buried? Would I want Joe there? Would I continue to live here in Wyoming and care for myself alone? If so, what happens when I can no longer do that? (Heart beating faster now and my anxiety level is beginning to rise). The only thing I know for sure at this time is that I cannot imagine life without Joe. Which brings up another issue...what happens if I leave this earth before Joe? What will become of him? I pray that that doesn't happen as I cannot and do not trust that anyone can ever love him and care for him as much as I do. No one can love him enough to be patient with all of his medical problems, listen to his commentaries on life, politics and basketball. That's why when the time comes, I hope Joe leaves this earth first.

All this brings me back to that question...What is my greatest fear? I guess my answer really is "It's the unknown of my final days on this earth". In the perfect scenario, I will leave this earth at the same time with the love of my life. Then my children will not be left with the burden and worry and concern of caring for me and Joe, but be able to go on with their lives and remember the good things about me. But I don't plan on this happening for a very long time. Joe and I still have a lot of exploring to do and enjoying life to the best of our ability!