My Name Is Carol And I Am A 62 Year Old Widow, Grandma, Mother, Sister, Daughter and Friend



My birthday was yesterday.  I turned 62 which at this point in my life doesn't seem that old.

I wondered what might be the benefits of actually turning 62, so I turned to my handy dandy computer for some enlightenment.  This is what one article said and I will add my own comments...

There is a large group, roughly 15 million Americans, turning age 62 every year. A major benchmark in one's life and a time to see what is important and to enjoy yourself. There are actually several advantages to reaching that age and everyone needs to see if they are taking stock of the pros of being in your early sixties.

Number one advantage in the United States is the option of early retirement and receiving Social Security benefits. Approximately 72% of those receiving Social Security benefits did start at age 62 or just over that age, rather than waiting for the later retirement age of 65 or 66 and beyond. Well, I won't be retiring for awhile.  Hopefully, it will be when I can take advantage of all my full retirement benefits, as well as my portion of the Les' pension that was left in the divorce agreement.  Fortunately, at this time, I owe no one any money (first time in my life and it feels so good), but I have no idea what the future holds as far as unexpected expenses.  I sometimes feel as though I pull the old Scarlett O'Hara quote, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." 

For men and women, you can be more flirtatious without be too aggressive when you are 62. Each can enjoy the others' company, shared interests and experiences. Giving compliments to each other is most acceptable. Try it. Well this isn't happening!  I'm not flirting with anyone, anywhere, anytime.  No men in my future!

You still like to dress nicely, but no longer worry that you are wearing the latest fashion trend. Running out to purchase the new shoe style is not necessary. Now wearing comfortable shoes -- that's important.  Hmm, mixed opinion on this.  About the only time that I have to "dress nicely" is at church.  The rest of my life seems to revolve around jeans and some casual blouse, but I do dress up for work in nice slacks and blouse just for a change.  I also find that I don't really even have to shave my legs anymore.  My dresses are longer and I've got no one to impress.Shoes are not a big deal anymore - I'm out for function and something I won't fall down in and break a leg.  And, I have ugly toenails and no longer wear sandals - I do miss that.

You needn't concern yourself about any extra gray hairs or facial wrinkles. Having them now shows you have the life experiences that all the younger generations are desperate to acquire.  Really???  I haven't reached the point that I'm ready to go gray yet I don't care how many life experiences I have experienced.  The wrinkles don't much bother me since I can't do much about that.  I notice that my skin sags (the neck is probably the most visible to others), there is not the elasticity there once was, but I do feel I don't have the facial wrinkles that some of my peers show.  It is what it is.

If your vision is not as sharp as it once was, no problem. So you don't see every little speck of lint in your house. You're not concerned over it anymore.  Yep, the lasik eye surgery is wearing off.  Heck, it's about time.  I no longer can read the small print on anything without the use of my $1 Dollar Tree lowest numbered reading glasses.  I dare say that before this year is over, I will have to be resorting to "real" glasses full time (or contacts if I can get away with them).

It is now time that everyone else younger remembers you at holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. You were the one who was always on top of sending out greeting cards, that chore now gets handed to the next generation. I still try to make a conscious effort to send out cards, deliver birthday balloons, acknowledge people for accomplishments, etc.  If I don't, they might not be recognized and I might be the only bright spot in their day.  I am so grateful for the people who surround me, who continue to include me and love and support me.  I received over 100 Facebook acknowledgements about my birthday, received phone calls, texts, gifts, etc.  I feel loved and valued.

 

Over the years, you have endured and overcome many disappointments and rejoiced at the happiest moments. A major advantage at being 62 is that you are at peace with yourself. You know who you are, what makes you strong and what makes you happy. You are a survivor!  I have to agree with this.  I feel as though I have experienced and overcome many life-altering disappointments and I do not take for granted the happy moments.  There was a quote I have hanging next to my desk which reads, "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."  I'm beginning to believe it.  I've lived through a divorce after 23 years of marriage from a man who I dearly loved and he betrayed me in so many ways.  But, without my experiences with him, other great things might not have occurred for me.  And, just when I found true love and happiness with Joe my world was definitely rocked in ways I never thought I could or would imagine.  I did find out that I was and am a survivor.  I think I am getting better and stronger every day.

A hundred years ago, age 62 was considered 'antique' especially when most people didn't live into their 70s. However, you live in the 21st century, where 62 is the new 42.  I don't feel 62 - do I feel 42?  Not when my knees hurt and I have to take a couple of arthritis strength Tylenol in addition to my doctor prescribed medication. 

All the children, even the grown adults ones, should be out of the house by now. You are free to move about and do what you want in your own home.  Yep.

It is fantastic at age 62 for someone to say; "You look wonderful for your age." See, all those years at the gym and eating right have paid off.  People do tell me frequently, with sometimes suspicious voices, that there is no way I am 62.  That's nice and I do realize that if I did spend time or at the gym or did any real form of exercise and ate right, I'd really feel much, much better and convinced that I looked wonderful.  That being said, I don't feel like I look wonderful most of the time.  I have very bad body image and rarely have pictures taken of me that I can love or even tolerate.  But, I do have all my own teeth and they are pretty white.

I took this "selfie" today to commemorate my 62nd birthday and felt that it wasn't such a bad picture.  (That's why I posted it). 

There all types of discounts for those age 62 and over at theaters, amusement and theme parks, zoos, garden exhibits, campgrounds, transportation, etc. Now this is not such bad benefit.

Your maturity is demonstrated in your ability to learn a new skill or hobby. You're interested and willing to take the time to learn ... it can be fun and challenging. Be that artist or musician you always wanted to be.  I haven't gotten caught up into this yet.  In fact, I many times wonder what happened to all the creativity that I used to have.

People will occasionally say; "Act your age." However, at age 62, you do want to have fun and some excitement. If you think you can do it ... then at least try it.  I do, but find that I limit myself on doing so many things in the last few months simply because it's difficult for me to stand or walk long distances because of the arthritis in my knee.  So I find that I don't attend events that I would normally have enjoyed in the past.

With early retirement or even just working part-time, you now have those extra hours to do the hobbies and activities you have been putting off for years. You also can give back to your community with volunteering at the hospital, church, library, child care center, museum, or wherever your heart desires.  I am basically working 3/4 time at work and thoroughly enjoy it.  My hours allow me to stay up late at night which mixes well with my "night owl" style of life.  I do participate in many service oriented activities as my leisure, whether church or community related.  I am now trying to motivate myself to do things I've put off for years i.e., family history research, picture books, compiling old letters, completing blogs, etc.

Over the years many great sayings have evolved which can provide you with the right outlook at turning 62 one being "Being 62 is comfortable."  I have found my perspective in life has totally evolved in the last months.  I have basically no needs or wants of things I "just have to have."  As long as I can, I want to take care of myself and not be a burden on anyone.  My most important outlook for life is that I want to be able to enjoy the love and companionship of my family and my friends.  I want to bring joy to others and live with a happy attitude.

The Scab

Remember when you were little and you were running around maybe being chased by a friend, laughing your head off and then you stumbled over something and you fell down? Or maybe you were riding your bike and you fell off? As you picked yourself up, you realized that maybe your knee or your elbow was bleeding and then the bloody scrape began to throb with pain? I think everyone must have experienced something like that at least once in their life.

Your scrape may have been uncomfortable, but it usually began to heal within a few days. A scab eventually began to form. The depth, size, and location of the scrape dictated how long it would take for your injury to heal. Eventually, a scab began to form. New skin began to form on the edges of the wound and the wound healed from the edges in to the middle. You found that your skin may have turned pink and was still sensitive to touch, but eventually the scab decreased in size and eventually fell off (if you didn't pick it off first). If you're lucky, there was hardly any evidence that there was ever some type of skin trauma and life went on as if the fall or the stumble ever happened.

We do need to remember though, that sometimes during the healing process, when the scab had formed, the scab or a portion of it, may have been accidentally rubbed or knocked off. This might have caused the wound to start bleeding again, some new pain may have been felt and the healing process might have had to begin all over again.

You may be wondering what this has to do with anything. Why would I be writing about scabs?! While standing in the shower recently, I realized that in many ways my life in the last couple of years can be likened to a scab. Let's think about it. I was living life basically on a "one day at a time" basis, but one day I got knocked down by life in a very BIG and unexpected way. It was hard - extremely hard to pick myself up. I really didn't want to get up. It was so much easier just to lie there wanting to be left alone bruised and bloody. Thankfully, I had Corey and Nikki and my family and friends who rallied around me who literally and figuratively picked me up and started to clean my wounds. I developed a scab - a really big one. While thinking about all this, I came to realize that I believe that my scab is slowly falling away piece by little piece. Don't get me wrong - I still feel pain from that wound. I find that I may not cry and grieve in the same way that I did initially, but there is still hurt. There is still pain and I don't know when this wound will heal - when the scab will disappear. I know others who have experienced their own similar "scrapes" for a much, much longer time than I who tell me that they still have not gotten over the hurt; their pain. They still have scabs.

Rose Kennedy said in a quote that I read the other day, "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons. But it is never gone." She seems to know what it is like to have a scab.

Yes, I still have a scab. I still feel wounded. I still cry on occasions; not as often as I used to and they are generally more than naught happy tears. Happy tears? Yes, those are the ones when remembering how Joe would kiss the back of my hand; remembering his stupid jokes; recalling how he loved his huckleberry ice cream - those kind of things. Those are the happy tears. The really sad tears are less frequent. My wound is still deep. I still experience a loss of companionship and pain of missed opportunities to be together. I find that the loss and the crying can come from the stored memories I have when remembering Joe. These are wonderful memories as I find that the passage of time, the healing of the scab if you will, tends to make the bad memories of sickness and trauma become less and less remembered. The good memories can come from a song, a smell, a sound, but still provide some sorrow that Joe is not here to share them with. Those are supposed to be OUR memories. WE made those memories together. WE made those memories so that one day when WE could no longer make new ones, we'd always have those to fall back on. And now, I've been left with this tremendous amount and array of memories that really don't matter to anyone. That's where and when the sadness creeps in. That's one of the reasons why the scab still remains. The scab may not be as big as it was two years ago and my scrape may no longer be bleeding, but I've still got the scab.