Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sammy the Army Cat


This is a picture of Sammy a Siamese who was our pet cat when we lived in Japan. Jimmy used to call him "Sammy the Army Cat" and drag him around the house by the tail. Sammy was also used by Jimmy as a pillow, a cushion and kid-handled in most every way possible. Although Dad was in the Air Force, Jimmy had Army everything, including Sammy who became an Army cat.

I don't remember how we acquired Sammy. I only remember he was with us in the first months after we moved into our home offbase in 1961. When let outside to do his duty, he apparently thought he was the toughest cat in the country and always seemed to have the misfortune of getting into some kind of tomcat fight. We lived next door to a rice paddy which would be flooded from time to time and he would sit out in there crying and wailing for someone to come help him. On more than several occasions, Mom would get up in the middle of the night, go into the rice paddy and rescue him. He would usually have some type of wound and had several scars to show for it. Unfortunately, no one seems to remember what happened to Sammy. Did he go off and fight one fight too many?

In Remembrance of Timothy



Shown is a portion of a letter written to a friend of mine who was living in Utah at the time.


I had a conversation with Nancy the other day and she reminded me that Timothy would have been 8 years old tomorrow. Time has a way of making our heartache disappear, but I can't imagine that her heartache will ever really disappear since I've never lost a child. Chances are the family would all be gathering for his baptism next Saturday if he was still alive - another opportunity to celebrate another family milestone. Think of the priesthood circle for his confirmation. The front pew would need to be removed to hold all the family priesthood bearers. What a large family Timothy would be a part of too. He'd be an uncle, have lots of little nieces and one little nephew. Has it really been eight years? Life has certainly moved on, but with it has come joy and sorrow for all remaining members of the Cattell clan.


Probably one of the most important times I've ever spent with Nancy was in the lobby of the hospital one night. We had just come down from upstairs visiting Susan who'd had gall bladder surgery. As we were about to go outside, Nancy said she wanted to talk to me and so we sat down. It was then that she asked me to "tell me about my baby". It broke my heart for her to say that. This was only a couple of days after she'd buried her baby and it was at that time that I realized she'd had no time to grieve for her baby. People had been with her almost constantly since his death - lots of well-meaning people. But, she'd had no time for herself. At that time in that lobby I realized that that was probably the closest she'd come to alone time and now she wanted to know about Timothy. I also realized at that time that I had had more alone time with Timothy than even his own mother and now I could share my time with her.
I have always felt so blessed by that small child. Though his time here on earth was not meant to be, he taught me more about living and dying in one evening and made me face some of my fears more than anyone else had been able to do. That sweet baby made me appreciate even more my life and my family.


Happy birthday Timothy - Aunt Carol still loves you and misses you.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Yes, I Was A Brownie



Yes, I was a Brownie Scout when I was a little girl. These pictures were taken when we lived in Poquoson, Virginia in 1961 when I was nine years old. (I think I still have my Brownie pin in an old jewelry box in the attic).

Baptism Day for Mom and Dad

This is a picture of the day that Mom and Dad were baptized into the Church at the Tokyo, Japan Mission home. They were baptized on their 11th wedding anniversary on July 28, 1962 by Don L. Christensen. They have always been excellent examples to me while growing up. They have truly lived the gospel, fulfilled their callings, had prayer together every night for as long as I can remember.
A few years ago Dad did a summary of his family and himself as a Christmas present for all of us. I'll go more into detail at a later time, but I did want it recorded what he wrote as a closing statement. It reads "Well, today is December 20, 2006. It's time for me to close this thing out if I hope to pass it out at Christmas-time.

In these 74+ years it has been a great ride. Who would ever thought that a farm boy from Michigan would end up in South Georgia living in a red barn - the wealthiest old man in Tift County and happy as I can be. My wealth is in the family surrounding me, a good wife and a heart at peace with the world. I love my Savior, the giver of all gifts and I pray each day that I can be a good servant and be acceptable when this life is ended. LIFE IS GOOD.'

Three Months, Two Weeks, Six Days...


...that's how old Derek is today according to the fancy little counter widget I added to my blog some time ago. But then who's counting? ME! Days keep going by and recently I told Joe how much I miss not getting to spend time with Derek. I have felt such a strong longing to get to know my grandchild, but circumstances prevent that at this time. So, I am thrilled when I receive the newest, latest picture via my cell phone or the phone rings and in the background I hear either a cooing or crying little voice. Derek has fantastic parents though who do their best to keep Joe and me updated with the latest changes that are happening in their new lives.

It has been a little over a month since I last held him, but I can still remember how he felt when he snuggled up against my neck and the sweetness of his neck when kissed there. I've said I would give up chocolate permanently just to have the opportunity to kiss and hold him daily or at least on a regular basis. Most of my friends who have already experienced being a grandmother tried to warn me how grandchildren change your lives and your perception of children. They weren't kidding. One of the things that amazed me the most was watching my own child hold his child with the kind of love and affection that had for him. I loved watching the gentleness of Nikki and the look that would come over her face when talking to Derek or while she nursed him. I have no doubt that Derek is loved by him parents.

Yes, my ticket is booked for another flight to Utah in October, but by then Derek will be eight months old - no longer a small baby. Children grow so fast and I know he won't stay small for long. But, at least Joe and I had the opportunity to spend some time with him. I just know that I don't want the kind of relationship with Derek that Joe has with his granddaughters. For whatever reason they may have, Joe's children don't call him - he calls them when he wants to speak with them. And, never in the entire time since we've married has he ever received a phone call from any of his granddaughters to speak to "Grandpa". I cannot begin and don't want to imagine what that would be like. Not only would it be painful to bear, but I can only imagine the grief I would suffer. I know that I am so blessed with a loving son and a truly wonderful daughter who keep us involved as much as possible considering the distance.

My favorite memory with Derek thus far is the afternoon Mom, Joe and I got to babysit while Nikki went to work and before Corey came home. Nikki had put him down for his nap, but after she left he woke up crying not ready to settle down. I went upstairs, tried to calm him and eventually picked him up and rocked him in rocking chair in his room. What a feeling that was. Just him and me, alone and together. Even now thinking about it brings tears to my eyes as I remember the experience of looking into his face and realizing that he is a part of me; that part of me and my child was the next generation. I was as though time had reverted and I was looking into the face of Corey once again. But, I was looking into the face of my new grandson. If I could have frozen that moment in time I would have. I would have frozen it long enough to remember that moment for as long as I live. It's a difficult thing to explain and most likely understand unless you've been the parent of an only child and that child is not accessible to you on a regular basis.

I many times feel a small twinge of jealousy for Nancy as she has her grandchildren in close proximity and sees them on a regular basis. One day it will be time to make a change - just not now. For now it's important to me to be here and love my own parents for as long as possible. One day it will be time to make that move out West and when it is...Look out Corey and Nikki and Derek and whoever may have come along by that time. But until then, keep those pictures and phone calls coming!!! :)
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About the picture - I ran across this one tonight. It's me and when I turned it over it had my name and birthdate written on the back, as well as my age at the time. My age at the time is the same age as Derek is at this time. Maybe it's just me, but it sure favors a certain little baby living in Utah. What do you think?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Counting My (Our) Many Blessings


Most mornings on my way to work, I call Dad on my phone and we chat about some aspect of our lives until I arrive at the office. I recently had a conversation with Dad about how life has been so great for me in the last few weeks. For the first time, in many, many years, I feel as though I have finally reached a wonderful balance in my life. My marriage is great, my job is great, my home life is great, etc., etc., etc.
My marriage is great primarily because of Joe. We celebrated an anniversary of sorts this last weekend. It was four years ago that we met in person for the first time. Because of Joe I feel real love, a real commitment of belonging from someone. Joe lets me be me. He understands me as much as one person can understand me. He is kind, gentle, quiet, patient and logical...everything I am not. He puts up with my crazy antics and awful singing. I love his beautiful eyes, his rosy red cheeks and his sweet, gentle kisses. I love spending time with him and miss when I'm not with him. I can't imagine life without him as he's become so much of my life and grateful that he is my eternal companion.
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I've found the place I need to be working right now also. I drive to work less than 20 miles roundtrip vs. the 100 miles roundtrip I drove for the last few years. I work for people who appreciate me and my caliber of work. I am wonderfully compensated for my work. The work is interesting, challenging, fulfilling and gives me a sense of purpose. If I have to work, then this is the place I want to work.
Joe's health is doing well even with all his medical problems and since no one has been in the hospital recently, we consider ourselves blessed health wise also.

Financially we are also being blessed. It has taken us about a year to get to this point. We sunk a very large investment in a child care center which fell through for us. What seemed to be a devastating loss for us at the time has proven to be a blessing as we were not locked into a situation that we most likely would not have been able to get out of. Then I lost my child care job and was unemployed for five months with some unemployment compensation. However, that didn't help with our financial obligations a great deal especially when I was traveling around for job interviews. I have a firm testimony of paying tithing. We have had unexpected monies come our way, been able to pay off some of our financial obligations and haven't felt any loss of money by paying our tithing. Between Joe serving as 2nd counselor in the bishopric and my teaching the adult Sunday School class and being full tithe payers, I know that the balance in our lives is due to our blessings from my Heavenly Father.

I am fortunate to still have the opportunity of spending time with my parents and family. Whether it's daily phone calls to Mom and Dad or spending time at their home or taking Mom out to dinner or a movie, I'm grateful that I can still tell them in person that I love them.

I know and acknowledge the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life and thank Him for all my blessings (and hope that this continues for a long, long time).

Monday, May 26, 2008

Click to play Thanksgiving 2007

Yes, I'm aware these are Thanksgiving pictures, but I'm now going through my pictures and entering things as I run across them. Unfortunately, I can't just insert postings into a chronological order (at least I can't figure out how to do that), so you'll just have to go along with random postings.

Anyway, this was when the ENTIRE family was together for the first time since Mom and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary in 2001. There was Mom and Dad; Joe and me, Corey and a pregnant Nikki; Susan and Don, Travis and Sarah; Nancy and Donald, Jennifer and James, Madeline and Isabella, David and Eileen, Estella, Amelia and Gretchen, Helen and Ryan, Nathan and Samatha, Matthew and Jed; Jimmy, Allison, Tabitha and Caitlin. A total of 31, plus Derek who would eventually make his appearance in three months. What a wonderful day that was especially knowing that the chances of this ever happening again would be a miracle.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

My "Wish List"

Question: If you died tonight, what would you regret not having done today? What do you have on your "Wish List" that you wanted to do and haven't?

Here are some of my wishes...I wish I could do something meaningful for someone that would change their life for the better; I wish I could see my Utah family every day if that's what I wanted to do; I wish Joe could have a real relationship with his sons and know true love from them; I wish that I could understand how a computer works; I wish I could build a dream house somewhere overlooking a beautiful lake in the mountains; I wish I could have lunch with Thomas S. Monson and bring Corey along with me; I wish I could be more spontaneous without restriction of cost or time; I wish I could be an ice cream taster at Ben & Jerry's and not gain one ounce of weight; I wish I could discover a hidden pyramid filled with the greatest artifacts ever discovered; I wish I had a personal trainer who came and got me every day and made me work out no matter what; I wish I had a personal chef who would cook for Joe and me every day; I wish I could sit and watch the sun rise and set every day; I wish I didn't have to go to work everyday just to earn a paycheck; I wish I had my ideal Mustang and could take it to an open track and see who fast it could go before I chickened out; I wish parents never got older, but rather stayed in a holding pattern of good health; I wish it was cool enough every night to sleep with the windows open and I didn't have to wear earplugs; I wish the dogs could stay spotlessly clean at all times; I wish I could stay up late every night and sleep in until I wanted to in the morning. But since that last wish is impossible, I've got to stop for now and go to bed. And, lest you think this is all I wish for, think again!

Think about it...what would be on your "Wish List"?

Hmmmm....

I've always said that we go through phases in our lives - particularly women, I think. Mine were: childhood, teenaged years, college years and early jobs, my various career changes, marriage, motherhood, a single mother in midlife who went through divorce, another marriage, another career, becoming a grandmother, etc. Each life experience has left an indelible mark on my soul as well as a layer of memory. It's kind of like having a build up of sediment.

Someone once wrote that "we think that it's the big moments that define our lives - the wedding, the baby, the new house, the dream job. But really, these big moments of happiness are just the punctuation marks of our personal sagas. The narrative is written every day in the small, the simple, and the common. In your tiny choices, in these tiny changes. In the unconsidered. The overlooked. The discarded. The reclaimed."

Do you realize that there are only three ways to change how our life will go? That would be some type of crisis, chance or choice. My life at this exact moment is a direct result of choices I made somewhere in my life. That boggles my mind when I think about it. It was a family crisis that brought me to Shreveport, Louisiana, chance that Les lived next door and we were introduced and a choice that I made to marry him. Then once again, years later, it was a crisis (divorce), a chance meeting on the internet that caused Joe to find and woo me and my choice to marry him from all the men I met during that time.

Would I do things differently if I knew then what I know now? Certainly not! I would not be where I am now without having had those experiences. I would not have you, Corey, I would not have Nikki or Derek. I would not have Joe. And, how empty my life would be without any or all of you. No matter how painful some memories may be, there were also wonderful memories that kept me alive or I wouldn't be here today. Someone once wrote "The past is not only that which happened, but also that which could have happened, but did not." Think about that.

Thanks to Nikki...

she unwittingly created a monster. At the end of last year, Nikki said she was going to begin a blogspot so that everyone could keep up with the new baby and their family. I thought what a great idea! Maybe I'd also start one to write about myself so that maybe my own son (and daughter-in-law) might find out more about his mother, that my future grandchildren would have the opportunity of reading things about their parents, their grandparents and even their great-grandparents.

Years ago, I bought a book for my parents entitled "Reflections from a Mother's/Father's Heart" hoping they'd fill it out so that my family and I could discover interesting things about them. I'm still waiting and with the daily passage of time, the prospects aren't looking any better for them to return the book with completed entries. So, when it comes to blogging, I think of it as electronic journal keeping for me and my posterity. It's a way of my getting thoughts and feelings out - it's almost like there is a sense of urgency to express myself as soon and as often as possible. There are so many things I want to record and there seems to not be enough time. Maybe it's because I see the failing health of both Mom and Dad in these past few months. I realize that life is fragile and we are not guaranteed life will be the same for us tomorrow that it might have been for us today. I also realize that no matter what I try to accomplish in life, I wonder if there is something I should be doing? Is there something I'm missing? There are things that I would like to record, but won't and can't since this is after all an open forum for others to read. And, there are things best not spoken either aloud or "on paper" that might diminish my standing with those I love.

I find it very therapeutic to write - especially late at night before going to bed. Years ago for mental therapy I used to do counted cross-stitch (eyesight is too bad to try it anymore), make, paint and create one-of-a-kind wood crafts, antiqued dolls, etc. (Too much space and lack of time for those anymore). Reading isn't working either as I can't seem to get engrossed in any particular book - I don't even have time to read magazines. I've got some of them laying around with the plastic covers still intact. So, now that I've created my own personal musical playlist, I can sit here almost nightly recording my thoughts, with Joe snoring in the next room until he comes to remind me that I have to come to bed. And, reluctantly I leave until my next opportunity. So, just remember Joe, it's all Nikki's fault (thank you Nikki).

It's True...Children Do Grow Up So Quickly

Grandmother, Joe and I went to a dance recital for a friends little girl this afternoon. One of the "dance" numbers was a group of mothers pushing their babies in strollers. They were accompanied by this song and it really touched my heart because the words of the song are so true. It doesn't seem like my own son should be 26 years old this year and now have his own child. When I run across old pictures of Corey, I think back and wish that I could and should have done more with him when he was growing up. I loved him at every stage of his life thinking it couldn't get any better, but it always did. It's already been over a month since I spent time with Derek and I feel quite sure he's already changed so much. I regret that I will never ever see him as a "baby" ever again since he will almost be walking the next planned visit. So, to all you young parents - cherish every day with your babies, no matter their age, for someday you too may look back and wish you'd spent more time playing with and loving them.

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.
So let them be little,'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little. Let them be little.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Click to play
Today was Tabi's graduation day. It was so foggy at the stadium that the lights were turned on. Since there was so much construction taking place around the school, we left early enough so that we could find a decent place to park - and we did. Shortly before the graduation was over, the sun finally came out and the weather turned hot!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Life Is Like A Train Ride


While checking my email this evening, I opened up an email sent to me by a friend. Many times I get so many messages that I just go through and delete a lot of them, but this one really appealed to me and I felt it was worth sharing with whoever wanted to read it. So, here goes...

A while back, I read a very interesting book that compared life to a train ride or a series of train rides. Life is like a train ride, it read. We get on. We ride. We get off. We get back on and ride some more. There are accidents and there are delays. At certain stops there are surprises. Some of these will translate into great moments of joy, some will result in profound sorrow.

When we are born and we first board the train, we meet people whom we think will be with us for the entire journey. Those people are our parents! Sadly, this is far from the truth. Our parents are with us for as long as we absolutely need them. They too have journeys they must complete. We live on with the memories of their love, affection, friendship, guidance and their ever presence.

There are others who board the train and who eventually become very important to us, in turn.These people are our brothers, sisters, friends and acquaintances, whom we will learn to love, and cherish. Some people consider their journey like a jaunty tour. They will just go merrily along. Others, will encounter many upsets, tears, losses on their journey. Others still, will linger on to offer a helping hand to anyone in need. Some people on the train will leave an everlasting impression when they get off. Some will get on and get off the train so quickly, they will scarcely leave a sign that they ever travelled along with you or ever crossed your path. We will sometimes be upset that some passengers whom we love, will choose to sit in another compartment and leave us to travel on our own. Then again, there’s nothing that says we can’t seek them out anyway. Nevertheless, once sought out and found, we may not even be able to sit next to them because that seat will already be taken. That’s okay - everyone’s journey will be filled with hopes, dreams, challenges, setbacks and goodbyes. We must strive to make the best of it, no matter what. We must constantly strive to understand our travel companions and look for the best in everyone.

Remember that at any moment during our journey, any one of our travel companions can have a weak moment and be in need of our help. We too may vacillate or hesitate, even trip. Hopefully we can count on someone being there to be supportive and understanding. The bigger mystery of our journey is that we don’t know when our last stop will come. Neither do we know when our travel companions will make their last stop. Not even those sitting in the seat next to us.

Personally, I know I’ll be sad to make my final stop. I’m sure of it! My separation from all those friends and acquaintances I made during the train ride will be painful. Leaving all those I’m close to will be a sad thing. But then again, I’m certain that one day I’ll get to the main station only to meet up with everyone else. They’ll all be carrying their baggage most of which they didn’t have when they first got on this train. I’ll be glad to see them again. I’ll also be glad to have contributed to their baggage and to have enriched their lives, just as much as they will have contributed to my baggage and enriched my life.

We’re all on this train ride together. Above all, we should all try to strive to make the ride as pleasant and memorable as we can, right up until we each make the final stop and leave the train for the last time. All aboard!
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The picture is one of my family in 1961 with our 1957 Chevy named Betsy. This was taken shortly before we moved to Japan.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tossing Out The "Important" Things?

A few months I discovered a pile of "important papers" that I'd saved for many years. I finally got around to sorting through these "important papers" last night and even more tonight and realized that what used to be important no longer seems to hold much value for me. I think it's quite coincidental that during this time of the year when so many are graduating from high school and college, such as Tabi and Sarah and Travis, that several of the important papers were old cards. These were cards that had accompanied graduation presents and/or had held money. As I opened each of the cards and read the signatures, I realized that many of them contained names of people I can't even remember. These were people who at one time were apparently very important in my life and now I can't even picture their faces! Is this due to old age or were these just people who happened to be a part of my life during this brief period? Don't get me wrong, there were cards from people who haven't been in my life for a long time, but are still important, i.e., my great Aunt Lillie who I loved immensely and who died many, many years ago. There was a card from my great Uncle Lorin and Aunt Mary on my dad's side of the family. Again, people whom I love and was always thrilled to have visit during my life. But, who were the Schillinger's, the Logsdon's, David, Renee and Scott? Then on the other hand, many of the cards brought back memories of living in Japan...there were cards from the Lenore and Roy McClelland's, the Bill and LaKay Holman's, the Gerald and Martha Corbett's, the Jack and LaDean Wecker's. And then there was the card from Dorothy and Marguerite Ford - the old lady spinsters who lived next door and were wonderful to our family especially while Dad was in Vietnam.

Then there were the old yearbooks collected since 1965. That was the first one I "just had to have" to collect all those really important names and sayings. You know the ones such as "Remember the M, remember the E, put them together and remember ME"! I was, and I quote from various yearbooks or annuals...keen, sweet, neat, far out, cute, a friend 4-ever, cool, hard-working, etc. Skimming through these books I realize I know no one from any of the six books I have. I'm also including the yearbook I received while attending Valdosta Tech. I never kept in touch with anyone since I changed schools, locations, states or countries most every year.

So, my question is: Are these cards and yearbooks important enough to hang on to? What purpose do they serve? Do they bring back real memories for me - good or bad? I can answer for the cards in one word - No. Unless cards that are 38 years old are valuable, the answer is no. They are small, don't take up much room and are easy to throw in the trashcan beside my desk. Will my grandchildren care that I threw them away? I doubt it. Then there are the yearbooks - bulky, sophisticated looking and filled with those dumb sayings. I think they too will suffer the same fate of the cards except for the one from Japan and the one from the technical college. Why? Well, the Japanese one is sentimental proof I was there - nothing more, nothing less. The technical college one proves to me I was a somebody during some tenure of schooling. During high school I was a nothing, a wallflower, an invisible person. I doubt anyone remembers me. In fact, I've never been contacted to return for a reunion and wouldn't go even if invited.

I moved to Valdosta during the summer just before my senior year. It was the first year of intergration and I had to take makeup classes in order to graduate by Georgia standards which caused me to take many non senior classes. I felt I was ugly, never dated the entire school year, never attended any school functions, including prom and wanted desperately for the school year to get over as quickly as possible. I cannot name one person in my entire senior class that I went to school with. That's one thing I've always been jealous about with Corey and his growing up. He went through school with basically the same group his entire life. Some of his friendships even began as early as when he was in daycare together. And, he still stays in touch with several of these people even after being graduated several years later. It was not until I went to Valdosta Tech that I finally started coming to understand my capabilities and began to blossom as a person. I'll write more about that on another blog.

So, back to the fate of the yearbooks. What's to become of them? I say can them, trash them, dump them!!! Sorry Mom and Dad for sacrificing your hard-earned money for something that I just couldn't live without and had to have. (Let's don't even bring up about my senior ring, okay)? Maybe I have no attachment to the yearbooks because I had no attachment to the school or the kids attending them?

Isn't it amazing that I can now sit back and see the cards and yearbooks from a different perspective? But then isn't that the way life is? Some things can be so desired, coveted and necessary today and we want it at all costs and then get it, use it, look at it for awhile and then it's time to move on to something else?

And, speaking about moving on, I shall...

Monday, May 19, 2008

Click to play Our Furry Kids

B.J. and Blaze are our furry kids. B.J., large black Labador/collie mix, came to us as a puppy for Joe's Christmas present in 2005. He looked like a black, furry bowling ball with legs. B.J.'s name comes from using the first name of Joe's boys - Brian and Jason. Blaze, who is our granddog, is a full bred chocolate Lab and she came to live with us all the way from Utah in October of 2007 when her daddy and mommy (Corey and Nikki) couldn't keep her as they couldn't locate a place that would let them have pets. More on them later...

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Click to play Missionary Madness


We recently had the missionaires over for dinner before Sister Redman left. These are some of the pictures taken after dinner.

Family Reunion - 2008 pictures

Click to play Family Reunion - 2008

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Family Reunion - 2008

Desmond Tutu wrote "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them". Well, in a few hours Joe and I will have the opportunity to visit many of those gifts. These are the relatives on my mother's side of the family primarily coming from around south Georgia and north Florida. The numbers keep getting larger with the grandchildren having children who are now having their own children. And, the problem is knowing who all these people are. We've always had name tags worn by each and every person in the past, but that was to primarily be used for the drawing of door prizes since the tags were also numbered. Nowadays, you need the name tags to identify people and still may not know who they are related to. This is the only family reunion I'm required to attend and it's always held the Sunday after Mother's Day each year. Everyone usually gathers at the designated location somewhere before noon since that is when the dinner is served. Long ago the dinners were held at Grandmother and Granddaddy McGhee's home or some relatives home - I do remember dinners at Aunt Grace's home. I also remember the after dinner softball games the cousins used to play - the ones that were played in the field next to Grandmother and Granddaddy's house. This was the field that the cows used and many times the bases were marked with cowpatties. Now, this was something way out of the ordinary for a city girl such as myself, but I learned how amazingly hard a cowpattie can be after it's been baking in the sun for many, many a day. In the years following, the ballgames gradually migrated to one of the City softball fields since the location of the family reunions were moved to a facility uptown. Now that we're back in the country at a new building, I wonder if the games have continued? Hmmm, I'll have to check that one out. Also, back in the "old days", it was a real adventure to come for the family reunions, Since Dad was in the Air Force, we either never made them because of time and distance or when we did, it was a real treat. It was about the only time that I got to hang around my cousins my age. There was Terry, Larry, Joan, Diane, Peggy and others whose name I can't remember. There were also those relatives that you could count on for being predictable. Aunt Ruth always looked perfectly coiffured, Aunt Alice was always doing something totally unexpected from the norm (bandaids on her boobs one year) and Grandmother always saying that she hoped she'd be at the next reunion if the good Lord was willing.

Anyway, back to the present...There is the frantic picture taking with various flashes flashing and people calling to find their family members for the obligatory family groups to assemble. There are always the pictures taken of the babies, someone about to put food in their mouth and relatives sitting next to each other in conversation. These conversations consist of discussing the pictures in dated 3-ring notebooks of past reunions which have been cared for by my dad, whose gained weight, whose lost weight, whose had a new baby, whose no longer with us, who couldn't make it this time, etc. In some ways, the conversation appears to be just nods of the head to each other, smiling and waving and then drifting off to others who you spend time with on a regular basis.

There is the anticipated food that shows up every year - Aunt Rachel's extremely large pot of chicken and dumplings (there is never any left), Aunt Grace used to make the best cornbread dressing and if I remember correctly, she was the one who made the fried fruit tarts. Family reunion dinners are totally different than church dinners. Here the pace is laid back - you know there is plenty of good food, no one will leave without feeling well-nourished. Church dinners, people seem to act as though it is "The Last Supper" they will ever consume and go through the food like a human tornado.

Yep, it's time for Family Reunion - 2008. I think I'll take a better look around this year and spend more time talking with people I've not visited with in a while. Why? Because I know that some of those people won't be back next year. There will be deaths due to old age or misfortunes of life and then I'll be sitting back looking at those dated pictures wishing I'd spent more time with them and getting to really know about them. We have to realize that those persons for whom this reunion was begun so many, many years ago, my grandmother Beulah Miranda Goddard and Dewey Cleveland McGhee, are no longer with us, but their memory still lives on in our hearts and in those pictures. And, I for one have come to find out in the last few months that we never know when and where life will take us and so we need to make good memories every day.

I will admit that I'm sure there will be a time tomorrow when I will find a chair in some relatively quiet corner of the room and experience some small measure of disappointment. That disappointment will come from the fact that this was my year to have the spotlight shinning on my little family group. This was the year that I would be able to proudly show off my new grandbaby and formally be introduced into that elite group of people who've done so in the past. Though the world may be getting smaller all the time, there are still some things, such as time and money, that can't be overcome. But, I'll have my Grandma's Brag Book and memories from the Utah visit a month ago and I know my little extended family will be with Joe and me in spirit. I can always take heart that there will be the possibility of next year at Family Reunion - 2009.
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Well, this reunion started out a little differently. Mom had to go home before it even began. Could it have been too much partying the night before? Maybe one sausage dog too many? Whatever the reason, Nancy took her home before Joe and I even arrived. Nothing too spectacular to report. There was Aunt Rachel's dumplings - yeah!; seemed like a lesser amount of people this year; David didn't get up and do any of his long speeches...seems someone suggested that he not this year - do I hear another yeah?; there were a couple of fantastic door prizes given out this year - $50 in cash (a non-family visitor won it) and a one week use of the Carrin's condo in Daytona Beach - that was won by the David Seaman family. Another nice touch was recognizing all the new grandmothers and Martha gave each of us a gift bag. It contained a teddy bear for the baby, a car mug that said "grandparents are special people" and a ceramic mug that said "grandpa hugs are the best". How very thoughtful for us. When my name was called, I had my Grandma's Brag Book open proudly flashing pictures of my new grandbaby.

When I Grow Up, I'm...

I remember when I was younger that there were things I was or was not going to do differently when I was grown up. I got to thinking about that today and started taking mental stock of what had or had not occurred since making that statement. Let's see if I can remember some of those things now. I'm sure I can add on as I think about it in coming days.
  • I was going to stay up all night, especially on Fridays, since I wouldn't have to go to school or work the next day. I don't know about you, but most times when Friday nights come along, I could put my head on my pillow before the first prime time show hits the airwaves. Why is it that when I was younger, I had so much energy? Was it the anticipation of the weekend? Was it that I had big plans?
  • When I grew up, I was going to buy a can of whipped topping and just suck it down anytime I wanted to. I remember Mom having a can of it in the refrigerator and there never seemed to be hardly any when it came time for her to use it? And, do you know that they now have it in chocolate too?!?!?
  • I was never going to take naps. Now I wonder when will the government require that all adults must stop for a nap time of at least one hour per day?
  • I was going to have twins and dress them alike. Thank goodness that God listens with a deaf ear from time to time!!! Corey was just the right number of children for me.
  • I was going to live happily ever after with the man of my dreams. It took me a second time on that one to get it right.
  • I was going to have my Mustang GT, with a 5-speed transmission, dual pipes, convertible top, black in color, with a full sports package complete with chrome wheels. Still working on that one. I've had about three Mustangs, but never the coveted one yet.
  • Also 30 years ago, I wished for a white picket fence for my front yard festooned with an English garden and cascading pink roses over a walk-through trellis.
  • I was going to own a horse - (now where would I have ever put a horse with all the traveling I've done).
  • I was not going to spank my children and I can only remember giving Corey one spanking - doesn't mean I didn't swat his bottom a couple of times to get his attention.
  • Job wise - I was going to work for the F.B.I. in Washington, DC as a fingerprint specialist. My mom talked me out of that one. I was going to be a flight attendant for Eastern Airlines. I talked myself out of that one even after I had a job interview. I was going to work for the American Embassy in London as a secretary. I got cold feet and never followed through.

I'm quite sure there are more things that I will add later on. How about you? What you were going to do?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Belt Buckle Fan Club

School will be out soon. It really doesn't matter much to me since I no longer have a child in school. But, it got me to thinking about Joe. For those of you who do not know, Joe began substitute teaching earlier this year so he's been doing it for a few months now. This has been his first foray into higher education in some time. As intelligent a man as he is, having graduated from Indiana University Law School, you would most likely think he'd go for the older kids. Kids he could stimulate by his witty repartee and facts and knowledge (and useless trivia). If you did think that, you'd be so dead wrong as Mr. Weaver has been subbing for the young ones - PreK up to as high as 6th grade. He has subbed each grade level now primarily being the "teacher" in the classroom, but has also subbed as a "parapro" and even "THE GYM TEACHER"!!! He has been "THE GYM TEACHER" multiple times at a local school which has afforded him the opportunity to have had every child in the entire school on multiple occasions. Because of this, the little "snot-pickers" (his words, not mine and where do you think he came up with that name?) have become his own official Belt Buckle Fan Club. I gave it this name due to the fact that most of the children he has taught only come up to his belt buckle and even with his cleverly disguised suspenders lifting the waist of his pants to their highest level, that's still a short standard for most of the snot-pickers to come up to.

Because of the fact that he has become acquainted with all the children of this school, Mr. Weaver has developed such a following that it is almost virtually impossible to go out into the public sector any longer without him being recognized. In case you did not know, Joe's glasses are "transition lenses" which mean they turn into sunglasses in the glare of the day. By doing so, Mr. Weaver has been given a certain sense of anonymity when appearing in public outside. However, it's when he enters a building and as his sunglasses revert to regular glasses it's then that the frenzy usually begins. Mild mannered Joe becomes the very popular Mr. Weaver who is adored by his fans and introduced to thongs of mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and friends and anyone who will listen to the adulation's of his frenzied fan. Mr. Weaver smiles and his rosy cheeks become rosier and he laughs a laugh that sounds like a man in Santa in training and glows in the limelight of his notoriety. He shakes the hands of those friends and family members, pats the child on the head and shows a cute little "aw shucks" expression when returning back to me.

When dropping Mr. Weaver off at school, it is also interesting to watch the eyes of the children and you can see the eagerness in their eyes as they see Mr. Weaver emerge from his car seat behind the smoked glass. There is a sense of anticipation in what he may be carrying that blue tote bag he's become famous for. What exciting things might be hidden inside - a reward, a new book, anything out of the ordinary? You can feel their excitement when they lean over to the person next to them and express delight to see him by pointing and smiling. However, there are furrowed brows also exhibited by the children as they wonder this day who will be the lucky recipients of his wit and charm. You can see by the smiles and glee's of laughter that some one's day has just been elevated to a much higher standard. This day will have the potential for being better than they ever imagined. This day can even be better than a Friday!

You can tell that Mr. Weaver puts his all into his responsibilities. He arrives home most days with barely enough strength to put food to mouth. The rosy has disappeared from his cheek like a piece of bubblegum that still looks new, but the flavor was drained several hours earlier. You know he will sleep well tonight. You know the snoring decibels will be louder than usual. He arrives home with tales that would rival the slaying of a dragon, but you know he's willing to return to fight the dragon another day. After all, why would he want to disappoint The Belt Buckle Fan Club in this school or the many others whose halls he has navigated? He tells stories about books he read, questions he answered, games he played, lesson plans that almost were completed.

He too, has learned lessons. He's learned you never offer to help one child hang upside down from the monkey bars unless you want to help hang twenty-something more. He's learned there is no such thing as proper hand washing since soap placed on a child's hand never survives long enough to make suds. He's learned that snot of any color or form can be placed anywhere a child wants to put it. He's learned he is an oddity. He looks like - wow, a grandfather! (And, you don't see many grandfathers in school except when it's time to celebrate Grandparents Day). He's learned he can leave the house fresh as a daisy, but has returned many times with a strange green sheen on his trousers - especially in the colder months. And, unfortunately sometimes he's brought the love of The Belt Buckle Fan Club home with him in the form of a cold or the onset of the flu. But, do you think that keeps him down - not on your life. He's ready for action quicker than you can say "Kleenex and Nyquil".

Why do you think he keeps going back? Is it the money? (Have you checked the subbing pay lately)? I say no. Is it what he thought it would be? I doubt it. I say he does it because it gives him purpose. I say it's because he enjoys what the children bring to his life; their energy, their exuberance of youth, the genuine love of daily discovery. I say it gives him the chance to be grandfather for some who know of no such person, as well as the chance to have surrogate grandchildren since his live far away. I say it gives him a willing audience for his litany of mind-boggling facts and witty sayings. I say it gives him a place where he is the recipient of pure adoration for whatever he says or does. And, isn't that what we all want?

So, some time when you're up town, check out the impromptu meetings of The Belt Buckle Fan Club. It could happen at Wal-Mart, the grocery store or check out the action at CiCi's Pizza. You'll enjoy what you see and it will bring a smile to your face. The Belt Buckle Fan Club arrives en mass and everyone is happy again even if school is not in session.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Chocolate Ice Cream Song

This is the first song I ever remember my mother singing to me. No matter how old I've grown, I've never tired of her singing this song (don't want her singing too many other songs, but love this one). I think every child, grandchild and most every great-grandchild has had it sung to them. I have a taped recording of her singing it somewhere in my home so that I would always have a copy of her actual voice. But, until I find it, if you click on the title of this blog, it will allow you to listen to someone else singing the song. However, no one will ever be able to sing it the way Grandmother does! And, even though some of the words of the actual song are different, I like her version much better.

"The Chocolate Ice Cream Cone Song"
(words as Mom always sang them)

My mama said if I'd be good, she'd send me to the store.

She said that if I would make the bed and watch the telephone,
That she would send me out to get a chocolate ice cream cone.

And so I did, the things she said and then she made me some gingerbread.
Then I went out, just me alone to get a chocolate ice cream cone.

While coming home I stubbed my toe upon a great big stick.
A little doggie came along and took a great big lick
And so I hit that mean old dog with just a little stick .

Then he bit me where I sit down and then he chased me all over town.
And now I'm lost, can't find my home, all because of that chocolate ice cream cone.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

For My Mother, Hazel


Today I've spent most of the day under the influence of drugs as I seem to have developed a head cold in the last 24 hours. And, in between blowing my nose and excessive sneezing I've been doing a lot of pondering on my mother since tomorrow is celebrated as Mother's Day. As a disclaimer to this blog, I would just like to say that though I am in a semi drug-induced existence at this time, everything I write about my mom is true to the best of my current knowledge and belief.

There is something to be said about being born on the first wedding anniversary of your parents. You get to kinda grown up along with them and being the firstborn gives you a certain insight into your parents. I think more so on my mother since we are so much alike in personality. I feel very blessed to have had a wonderful relationship with my mother. We have done things together that have have afforded me the opportunity to have a wealth of memories for the rest of my life. There have been the road trips we've taken primarily in the entire southeast region of the U.S., but we've also made it all the way into Canada, flown to Pennsylvania to visit Nancy's family, Washington, D.C. to get Nancy's marriage license, and most recently her flying with Joe and me to visit with Corey, Nikki, Ally and to meet the newest member of the family, Derek.

It was Charles Dicken's who wrote..."It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." That was one way to describe our trip, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It was a privilege and an honor to have Mom along with us knowing that this was most likely her last trip off to anywhere. I know that I'll look back on these pictures with a great sense of appreciation and love.

My mother has often said that she always felt that she lacked talent and ability to contribute anything beyond motherly duties. And, she has expressed on many occasions that she could have been a much better mother. She has felt an inadequacy when it came to imagination and creativity. Oh, how wrong she was and is about that and nothing could be further from the truth. Looking back on my childhood, my mother was always there for me - caring for me and my needs and even many of my wants. I remember I always had a nicely ironed dress to wear to school (back then you wore dresses to school everyday). I don't ever remember being ashamed of what I had to wear. I remember on the days school pictures were being made, that she took special care in making sure I looked just perfect. My hair was combed and fixed and my dress was just so. Because of my mother, I won prizes and awards for things she'd helped me complete. There was the dinosaur peep box which won me a ribbon at the Science Fair, there was the fire prevention essay which won me a cash reward and I was the absolute envy of my class one Valentine's Day when my shoebox was decorated with doilies and cards. One of my fondest toys was a doll she made from an old dried-out corncob when we lived in Virginia. Using scrap materials, she made me a doll with a stuffed head, round buttons for earrings, striped material for a skirt and drew me a smiling face. (The doll was later tossed into the trash a few months later when she was cleaning out for our move to Japan). Mom took painting lessons, she did needlepoint, she did crochet, she could do anything she set her mind to and do it well.

I'm quite certain that when it came to the gift-giving in the family, it was Mom who knew what we really wanted and somehow we got it. Let's see, for me there was the telescope so I could watch the moon; the pink Bakeolite radio that I used to listen to late night mystery theaters under my covers; my first record albums i.e., The Rolling Stones, Gary Lewis and The Playboys; but, my biggest prized possession was my genuine Barbie doll circa 1961 which I still have today as well as many of her clothes. She understood the urgent need for these desired gifts and they were fulfilled. I don't ever remember not getting something I wanted and I remember that we always had what we needed.

My mom was the disciplinarian of the family. She was the one who administered the punishment, but it was always justifiable in my case. I lived my life by my motto which was "have fun now, suffer the consequences later"! And, I did suffer the consequences later, especially when I had conned my sisters and brother into joining me. But, you know I don't remember her ever yelling or screaming at us, but only softness. I remember Mom giving me so many chances to confess to a lie I'd told. She'd say "I won't punish you if you tell me the truth", but I'd never confess and she would unwillingly have to punish me. I remember my Mom praying for me on many, many occasions most notably when I was shocked by lightning inside our home one time. I remember coming home from school and she would have milk and cookies and a willingness to listen to what happened at school that day. She never had to work outside the home and I never recall a messy or dirty home (except in my bedroom which was my responsibility). Meals were always prepared from scratch since there were no microwaves then and she was always a fantastic cook. I remember her comforting me when it came time to throw away the Christmas tree one year and it was breaking my heart. I remember how she let life teach me lessons she'd tried so hard to teach herself. Case in point, the day I was hit by a car driven by two little ladies. Knowing that Mom was going to be really upset, I gathered items which had fallen from my cigar box and hurried home. The ladies followed me home and I knew I was in serious trouble because I'd not looked both ways like she'd taught me to do. Instead of the spanking that I'd expected, she gathered me in her arms and consoled me and reminded me that that was why we looked both ways - a lesson I remembered after that.

I've always admired my mom. Especially when we moved to Japan. As a child of nine at the time, I remember how she came into her own during that time. My mother developed a sense of confidence I had never recognized before and so admire today since I became a mother. She was only 27 years old when my dad received orders from the Air Force to move overseas. Here was a young mother with four children ages 2-9 who had been born in a very rural section of south Georgia, had hardly been anywhere in her life and was now moving her entire life and family on the other side of the world. We moved off base in a little cul-de-sac next to a little town called Fussa. My parents were able to afford to hire a maid since wages were very minimal, who was also like a babysitter, and this gave Mom the opportunity to explore. She had a bicycle and no command of the Japanese language, but that didn't stop her. She would take off on that bicycle into the little town where no one hardly spoke English and go exploring. She managed to make it back it back home with some exciting story of her adventures, but I don't know how. She was never afraid to try anything whether it was food, trying something new, going somewhere, etc.

After five months in Japan, my dad was put in the hospital because of severe back problems and was there for almost a year. During that time, Mom managed everything. She took care of the home, the children, everything that Dad would have handled if he could have done so. I remember lean times, but I don't remember neglect or doing without. I remember her introducing me to my first real experience at organized religion when she took us to church for the first time. I especially remember her love and devotion for my dad when he was in the hospital. The same kind of love and devotion she has even to this day. This is a real love - a real commitment - the kind of love that serves as an example to me and to countless others.

My mom taught me to drive. My mom taught me the love of reading as I can remember her reading to me as far back as my mind can recall. My mom finally let me shave my legs when I was a senior in high school. My mom loves music - whether it's singing or listening. She introduced me to so many types of music growing up. She's world famous in our family for her rendition of "The Chocolate Ice Cream Song". My mom relied upon me so much while Dad was serving in Vietnam and I let her down so many times. But, she never let me down. (Will we ever forget picking up bottles along side the road to earn Dairy Queen money for a treat when going to visit Grandmother and Granddaddy McGhee?) Will I ever forget the night I told her I hated her and even with sadness and hurt in her eyes, she told me it didn't matter that she still loved me and always would? Will I ever forget knowing how much my mother loved me by forgiving me of things I'd done wrong and embarrassed her for? No, and for those things she made me a better person.

I especially cherish those various Christmas weeks when she and I would be out all night long in the 24-hour stores picking out just the right present for the right person and not coming home until the wee hours of the morning. I loved the all day matinees, the various restaurants and Wednesdays at the Golden Corral so she could have her steak, I loved the late, late nights getting ready for the weekend craft shows or flea markets, I loved her giving Corey his first bath and teaching me how to scrub his head so he would get "cradle crap". I treasure the handmade items she lovingly made for gifts - I've loved our talks about everything and nothing. I loved how she cradled me like a child after Les left me devastated and alone. I loved how she would lay Corey on her chest and how I smiled through my tears when she did the same thing for his own child. I loved her being able to be with Joe and I when we were sealed for time and all eternity. There are so many things I love about my mother. After almost 56 years, how can one compile it all into just a few short paragraphs? I can't, unfortunately.

What can you say about the woman who gave you life? Absolutely everything and at the same time, nothing? How can you put into words what she means to you now and forever and how can you ever imagine what it would be like not to have her around? How great will be my blessing when, and if, hopefully someday my own son loves me as much as I love my own mother.

So Mom, on this Mother's Day though you may not get a flower corsage, taken out to dinner, given a beautiful card or any tangible symbol of my love, I can only say this to you...I love you Mom and am so grateful that you have been my mother all these years. Thank you for loving me.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Remembering Things About Your Dad

I was sitting here mellowing out playing Solitaire and listing to my playlist when a Dan Fogelberg song came on and it brought back memories - good memories about your dad. I realized that there might be things that you don't remember or even know about your father. So, I thought I'd start compiling a list of little known or forgotten things about your dad. So here goes...

  • He loved Dan Fogelberg. I still have his favorite album here at the house and I had put some of those songs on my playlist because they bring back such good memories. I remember one time that we had returned to Louisiana from Georgia to pick up some more of his things to take back to our new apartment. When we arrived in Haughton, where he had been living with your Grandmother Nora, we discovered that someone had robbed and stolen several things from the trailer. It was in the wintertime and apparently the thieves had gotten scared off, because when we arrived your dad's favorite stereo equipment, speakers and albums had been left out in the damp. He managed to salvage everything, including the Dan Fogelberg album. There were many a night when the two of us would sit in an almost dark room sitting on the couch in front of the speakers listening to that album. It was always so very magical when this was happening as we'd sit there holding hands or sharing the couch just listening to the beautiful songs. So, listen to some of the songs - listen to the words.
  • Speaking of music - his favorite song sung in church was one entitled "Where Is Heaven?". I think Janice Kapp Perry wrote it and the first time he fell in love with it was when little Amy McKeown (Draper now) sang it in sacrament meeting one time. I remember your dad being so overcome by the words that tears were running down his face. That's why I would have given most anything to have had that song sung at his funeral.
  • But, lest you think your dad was a softie when it came to music...forget that!!! He loved good ole hard rock and roll, as well as country. The first concert he took me to after we'd met was a ZZ Top concert in Shreveport, Louisiana. I will confess I wasn't too impressed as that was not my type of music, but he would and could jam just like his son does now.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Derek's Blessing Day - April 13, 2008


What a fantastic day all the way around!!! How fulfilling and special it was as a mother, a grandmother and a wife to have been present for the blessing. How wonderful it was to be present to see my son bless his own son and to have my sweet, wonderful husband be present in the circle. I felt as though my heart would burst with pride and love. I did manage to scribble down a few things that Corey said during Derek's blessing such as: Derek was blessed "with strong courage throughout your life", "the strength and ability to make correct choices", "to have present happiness", "to have many friends", "to know when your true eternal mate comes into your life and love for time and all eternity", "able to serve a mission", "to know the joys of a happy life" and "bring blessings for all your family". It was almost more than my tissues could handle, especially while trying to write and listen at the same time.

Afterwards Nikki and her family hosted a scrumptious luncheon at their apartment clubhouse. It was a wonderful time to take pictures and visit with family and friends from both sides of the family.

Grandpa Joe meets Derek

It was very interesting watching Joe in his capacity as a new grandparent to Derek. Though he's a grandfather to four beautiful little girls living in Indiana, he hasn't been around them a great deal of time. So, he's not had a lot of exposure being around small children and it's been both scary and funny watching him with Derek. Thank goodness he's had Nancy's grandchildren breaking him in little by little since joining the family almost four years ago. He used to fall asleep sitting on Mom and Dad's couch and wake up with a baby blanket across him, his hair fixed, etc. And, his calling in the Bishopric as the counselor over the Primary, as well as a substitute teacher for the young children in the school system, has definitely broadened his experience as a grandpa.

Sunday with Corey (and Joe and Ally)

...Then there was the Sunday afternoon drive with Corey at the wheel of our ugly blue rented minivan and Ally, Joe and I along for the scenic ride up into the mountains to see the snow. We left Mom in the hotel room to get a nap after the lunch at the clubhouse.

The scenery was breath-taking and spectacular as usual. We went as far up as we could since many of the roads were still closed because of snow. I never tire of the views out West. Maybe it's because the landscape is so much more different than south Georgia.

My favorite part of the day was standing at the top of a mountain looking down on the Salt Lake valley with my son. We hadn't had the opportunity to really talk face to face in a very, very long time and we did that afternoon. We talked so long, that I at least was totally oblivious that Joe and Ally had gotten back into the van while we talked of many things. We talked of our individual happiness with those we loved and married and how fortunate and blessed we were to have Joe and Nikki. We talked about the pride I had in him as a father and a husband, especially since he'd blessed Derek that morning. We talked about some of the things his father was missing since he was no longer on this earth - how blessed I am to see him grow up, become a husband, become a father. It's was so very nice to have that time with him. I could have stood on that mountain all day saying absolutely nothing between us and had a perfectly wonderful day. Unless you've been the mother to only one child, you will never be able to understand what it's like to be a mother of one. You've never had to divide your love among other children. If something happens to that one child, there is no extra, no spare child. Hence my calling Corey my "heir-with-no-spare". But, now there is a spare...sweet Derek.

Mother's Day is this coming this Sunday. What a lucky mom I am! I love my son with all my heart. How proud I am of who he has become. It wasn't easy for us as mother and child just a few years ago. After Les left it caused Corey and I to re-examine our lives and see where we went from there. I've always said that if it were not for the strength of Corey and our love for each other, I would never have gotten to this point in my life. A mother always wants to be a good example for her children and I feel like I let him down on many occasions. I hated that I felt so vulnerable at times and not a strong person, not counting being his mother. Even from the time he was small, I sometimes would wonder what made me so special to be his mom, that no other woman couldn't have done? I could write a list of all the things I wish I'd done differently - things that could have made him an even better person. How about real family prayer? How about real family meals together? How about daily scripture study? I asked him one time after the divorce if he thought I could or should have done anything differently? You see, I didn't want him going on the "Jerry Springer Show" sometime when he was older and blaming his life on me. He told me that he knew I'd done everything I could possibly have done to have saved the marriage. He told me that I he was proud of me for being a strong person. Boy, did I have him fooled! But, I am grateful that that is how he saw me.

How do I want my son to remember me? Hmmm, let's see:
  • The fun times we had going back and forth to daycare;
  • That I attended all of his school functions;
  • The unusual mother-made packed school lunches envied by his friends;
  • Our special trips and cultural opportunities - Riverdance; Phantom of the Opera; Europe; Simon and Garfunkle; Elton John; the Westin's Heavenly Bed; Buffalo, NY in the summer; two week trip out West through 16 states (remember the hotel in Little Rock, Arkansas with the hole in the wall?); etc.
  • Tiger Scouts, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts and working on our Eagle Scout award and getting it!;
  • Riding the dirt roads and interstates with the music blaring and windows down;
  • Cake cones;
  • That I took him to Seminary every morning when he wasn't driving no matter how cold or dark it was;
  • I'm sure I'll add more things later or he may even do so, but most of all, I want my son to know that...
  • I always did and always will love him.

Happy Mother's Day to me!