In Remembrance of Timothy

Shown is a portion of a letter written to a friend of mine who was living in Utah at the time.

I had a conversation with Nancy the other day and she reminded me that Timothy would have been 8 years old tomorrow. Time has a way of making our heartache disappear, but I can't imagine that her heartache will ever really disappear since I've never lost a child. Chances are the family would all be gathering for his baptism next Saturday if he was still alive - another opportunity to celebrate another family milestone. Think of the priesthood circle for his confirmation. The front pew would need to be removed to hold all the family priesthood bearers. What a large family Timothy would be a part of too. He'd be an uncle, have lots of little nieces and one little nephew. Has it really been eight years? Life has certainly moved on, but with it has come joy and sorrow for all remaining members of the Cattell clan.

Probably one of the most important times I've ever spent with Nancy was in the lobby of the hospital one night. We had just come down from upstairs visiting Susan who'd had gall bladder surgery. As we were about to go outside, Nancy said she wanted to talk to me and so we sat down. It was then that she asked me to "tell me about my baby". It broke my heart for her to say that. This was only a couple of days after she'd buried her baby and it was at that time that I realized she'd had no time to grieve for her baby. People had been with her almost constantly since his death - lots of well-meaning people. But, she'd had no time for herself. At that time in that lobby I realized that that was probably the closest she'd come to alone time and now she wanted to know about Timothy. I also realized at that time that I had had more alone time with Timothy than even his own mother and now I could share my time with her.

I have always felt so blessed by that small child. Though his time here on earth was not meant to be, he taught me more about living and dying in one evening and made me face some of my fears more than anyone else had been able to do. That sweet baby made me appreciate even more my life and my family.

Happy birthday Timothy - Aunt Carol still loves you and misses you.