The scenery was breath-taking and spectacular as usual. We went as far up as we could since many of the roads were still closed because of snow. I never tire of the views out West. Maybe it's because the landscape is so much more different than south Georgia.
My favorite part of the day was standing at the top of a mountain looking down on the Salt Lake valley with my son. We hadn't had the opportunity to really talk face to face in a very, very long time and we did that afternoon. We talked so long, that I at least was totally oblivious that Joe and Ally had gotten back into the van while we talked of many things. We talked of our individual happiness with those we loved and married and how fortunate and blessed we were to have Joe and Nikki. We talked about the pride I had in him as a father and a husband, especially since he'd blessed Derek that morning. We talked about some of the things his father was missing since he was no longer on this earth - how blessed I am to see him grow up, become a husband, become a father. It's was so very nice to have that time with him. I could have stood on that mountain all day saying absolutely nothing between us and had a perfectly wonderful day. Unless you've been the mother to only one child, you will never be able to understand what it's like to be a mother of one. You've never had to divide your love among other children. If something happens to that one child, there is no extra, no spare child. Hence my calling Corey my "heir-with-no-spare". But, now there is a spare...sweet Derek.
Mother's Day is this coming this Sunday. What a lucky mom I am! I love my son with all my heart. How proud I am of who he has become. It wasn't easy for us as mother and child just a few years ago. After Les left it caused Corey and I to re-examine our lives and see where we went from there. I've always said that if it were not for the strength of Corey and our love for each other, I would never have gotten to this point in my life. A mother always wants to be a good example for her children and I feel like I let him down on many occasions. I hated that I felt so vulnerable at times and not a strong person, not counting being his mother. Even from the time he was small, I sometimes would wonder what made me so special to be his mom, that no other woman couldn't have done? I could write a list of all the things I wish I'd done differently - things that could have made him an even better person. How about real family prayer? How about real family meals together? How about daily scripture study? I asked him one time after the divorce if he thought I could or should have done anything differently? You see, I didn't want him going on the "Jerry Springer Show" sometime when he was older and blaming his life on me. He told me that he knew I'd done everything I could possibly have done to have saved the marriage. He told me that I he was proud of me for being a strong person. Boy, did I have him fooled! But, I am grateful that that is how he saw me.
How do I want my son to remember me? Hmmm, let's see:
- The fun times we had going back and forth to daycare;
- That I attended all of his school functions;
- The unusual mother-made packed school lunches envied by his friends;
- Our special trips and cultural opportunities - Riverdance; Phantom of the Opera; Europe; Simon and Garfunkle; Elton John; the Westin's Heavenly Bed; Buffalo, NY in the summer; two week trip out West through 16 states (remember the hotel in Little Rock, Arkansas with the hole in the wall?); etc.
- Tiger Scouts, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts and working on our Eagle Scout award and getting it!;
- Riding the dirt roads and interstates with the music blaring and windows down;
- Cake cones;
- That I took him to Seminary every morning when he wasn't driving no matter how cold or dark it was;
- I'm sure I'll add more things later or he may even do so, but most of all, I want my son to know that...
- I always did and always will love him.
Happy Mother's Day to me!
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