...that's how old Derek is today according to the fancy little counter widget I added to my blog some time ago. But then who's counting? ME! Days keep going by and recently I told Joe how much I miss not getting to spend time with Derek. I have felt such a strong longing to get to know my grandchild, but circumstances prevent that at this time. So, I am thrilled when I receive the newest, latest picture via my cell phone or the phone rings and in the background I hear either a cooing or crying little voice. Derek has fantastic parents though who do their best to keep Joe and me updated with the latest changes that are happening in their new lives.
It has been a little over a month since I last held him, but I can still remember how he felt when he snuggled up against my neck and the sweetness of his neck when kissed there. I've said I would give up chocolate permanently just to have the opportunity to kiss and hold him daily or at least on a regular basis. Most of my friends who have already experienced being a grandmother tried to warn me how grandchildren change your lives and your perception of children. They weren't kidding. One of the things that amazed me the most was watching my own child hold his child with the kind of love and affection that had for him. I loved watching the gentleness of Nikki and the look that would come over her face when talking to Derek or while she nursed him. I have no doubt that Derek is loved by him parents.
Yes, my ticket is booked for another flight to Utah in October, but by then Derek will be eight months old - no longer a small baby. Children grow so fast and I know he won't stay small for long. But, at least Joe and I had the opportunity to spend some time with him. I just know that I don't want the kind of relationship with Derek that Joe has with his granddaughters. For whatever reason they may have, Joe's children don't call him - he calls them when he wants to speak with them. And, never in the entire time since we've married has he ever received a phone call from any of his granddaughters to speak to "Grandpa". I cannot begin and don't want to imagine what that would be like. Not only would it be painful to bear, but I can only imagine the grief I would suffer. I know that I am so blessed with a loving son and a truly wonderful daughter who keep us involved as much as possible considering the distance.
My favorite memory with Derek thus far is the afternoon Mom, Joe and I got to babysit while Nikki went to work and before Corey came home. Nikki had put him down for his nap, but after she left he woke up crying not ready to settle down. I went upstairs, tried to calm him and eventually picked him up and rocked him in rocking chair in his room. What a feeling that was. Just him and me, alone and together. Even now thinking about it brings tears to my eyes as I remember the experience of looking into his face and realizing that he is a part of me; that part of me and my child was the next generation. I was as though time had reverted and I was looking into the face of Corey once again. But, I was looking into the face of my new grandson. If I could have frozen that moment in time I would have. I would have frozen it long enough to remember that moment for as long as I live. It's a difficult thing to explain and most likely understand unless you've been the parent of an only child and that child is not accessible to you on a regular basis.
I many times feel a small twinge of jealousy for Nancy as she has her grandchildren in close proximity and sees them on a regular basis. One day it will be time to make a change - just not now. For now it's important to me to be here and love my own parents for as long as possible. One day it will be time to make that move out West and when it is...Look out Corey and Nikki and Derek and whoever may have come along by that time. But until then, keep those pictures and phone calls coming!!! :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About the picture - I ran across this one tonight. It's me and when I turned it over it had my name and birthdate written on the back, as well as my age at the time. My age at the time is the same age as Derek is at this time. Maybe it's just me, but it sure favors a certain little baby living in Utah. What do you think?
No comments:
Post a Comment