Where To Begin?

Where to begin?  Where to begin recording all the things that keep going in and out of my mind that I so desperately want to remember?  There's just so much to say.  I am so overwhelmed by my loss and grief at times that I feel the only way I can move on is "putting pen to paper", but it's so, so very hard.  I'm sitting here right now with a box of tissues to wipe my eyes.  I'm not ashamed of the crying because I'm hoping it helps release some of my pain.  I had no idea I could have so many tears.  And, when will I lose this lump in my throat that seems to accompany those tears and makes it so difficult to sorrow?

It's been almost three months since Joe's death.  Some days it seems like forever and others it's like it happened yesterday.  No matter what changes I have ever gone through in my life whether loss of jobs, the birth of Corey, loss of grandparents and other family members, sickness, divorce or whatever the change might have been, the greatest change has been the loss of Joe.  It's been a painful event and sometimes I have felt as though I've not had the energy or desire to move on.  It's very frightening at times, as well as overwhelming and sometimes lonely.  That last sentence really helps me understand how my life changed since being married to Joe.  I used to think nothing about hopping on a plane, flying and/or driving to some unknown city in another state all by myself and not feeling any type of concern about being by myself or frightened about the prospect of being alone.  Eight years with Joe changed all that because we were a couple and did so much together and now he's gone.