My mind is and has been so full of thoughts over the course of these last several weeks. I wish I'd had the strength of mind and body to have written the many things that have crossed through my mind in hopes that one day I could sort everything out and have a better understanding of what I've experienced. Unfortunately, I was not able to do so. This writing and those before and those to come after pertaining to Joe's death are the best I can do to make up for my lack of recording my thoughts. It's very important to me that I do this. It seems it's the only way that I can come to some way to understand what has happened. There will be a randomness to the writings.
I have laid in bed wishing and praying for sleep and some type of rest, but it has been so elusive on many occasions. With all the endless supply of thoughts, I find myself getting up at the oddest of hours of the night looking for some thing that comes into my mind. It may be a picture, a piece of paper which could contain something Joe wrote to me, it's been looking for something on the Internet to listen to such as a particular song, or a talk. I've been looking for answers to quell the raging tsunami of thoughts that just won't stop. Many times I leave my office looking like a robber has gone through drawers and files searching for hidden treasure and left with a mess in his wake.
I am searching for answers and comfort.
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