The experts say that the next stage of grieving is anxiety. This is when your head and heart begin to miss the person who died, when you may naturally feel anxious. You may feel anxious about everyday realities, such as work and finances. You may even panic as you think through the repercussions of this death.
Boy did the experts have it right. I remember having a panic attack one evening when the kids were here. I believe it was at the end of the day after Nikki and I had gone to the Social Security office to begin processing my widow's benefits paperwork. That evening I went into my office and sat down and started putting together a listing of monthly expenses and what my new income would be. I panicked! Would I be able to stay in our home? Would I make enough money at my job to make my monthly expenses? Would I have to get another job or a different job to just survive every month? It seemed as though my life was going to become even much harder. The kids did make a deal with Leonard Landlord though and got my rent reduced by $200 per month, so that was definitely going to help.
Experts also say that you may also experience physiological changes as part of the grief process. Among the most common physical responses to loss are trouble with sleeping and low energy. You may have trouble geeting to sleep or you may wake up early in the morning and have trouble getting back to sleep. You may also find yourself feeling more tired than usual.
Someone definitely knew what they were talking about. For about the first six weeks I went to bed very, very early in the morning in the wee hours, but woke up at 3:00 a.m. almost on the dot every morning. Going to bed and trying to sleep was almost an impossibility because my mind wouldn't turn off with all the thoughts that just kept coming. And, I was missing being able to crawl into bed and snuggle up next to Joe.
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