What can I say about Missy Sunday? Lots and lots of things and they're all good. Who is Missy and why would I want to say anything about her? Simply put, Missy is a friend of mine and she's dying. She's 37 years, the mother of three, the wife of a man she's been with for about 18 years and she's dying.
I've known Missy for many, many years. I first met her when I was a family child care provider and I used to come into the Child Care Resource and Referral Office to make copies and laminate things. She was working as an intern for the office at the time and later began working there full-time. Since I was in and out a great deal of time, I got to know her and later when I began working at the R&R myself, we became co-workers as well as friends. We were part of the original group of R&R staff as well as Jerry Walker, Shirley Alexander and Amy Page.
Missy was definitely a southern girl. She spoke with an accent that you could "cut with a knife", she taught at Vacation Bible School every year it seemed, as well as children's Sunday School classes. Every Wednesday afternoon she could be seen throwing something together for VBS that night and always managed to have something ready by the time she left. She loved her family! Her family meant more to her than most things. She used to make me laugh with the stories she told about the antics of her family...Her Dad with a baby alligator and the pet deer, her Momma, Matt's love of fishing, Haley hating to start school and having a stomach ache most every day, Hannah becoming a young lady realizing boys weren't so bad and Jamie being the love of her life.
Missy loved to cook and clean and anytime I'd ever been to her home, you could have probably eaten off the floor. She used to bring her ice cream churn to the office every once in a while and make homemade ice cream and it was fantastic. She could also make fantastic cakes and we got to be her guinea pigs when she tried out new ones. No one ever died from her cooking!
She was soft-spoken, always acted and looked like she was in control of her life, she was kind to everyone, never wanted to hurt any one's feelings and because of that sometimes got her feelings hurt and Missy cared for people in many ways - whether through her thoughts, her words or her actions. Missy eventually left the R&R and so every time I went up and down the interstate near Exit 80, I would swing by her home and pop in if she were home. Lately I had missed her more than saw her.
Unfortunately, life wound up being unkind to her. She became ill with leukemia in 2006 and began having to fight for her life. She managed to beat it for awhile. She went into remission in April of 2007. Then in the last part of February of 2008 the leukemia became active again. She went through a study at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta that had never been tried before for patients who had relapsed or didn't respond well to therapy originally. Only 42 people in the U.S. got to be in that study and only four from Emory. She got to be one of the four!
About that time, Amy sent me an email saying she was coming to south Georgia for a meeting and wondered if all of us could get together for dinner the following Tuesday. So, Jerry, Shirley, Amy and I did so, without Missy since the last we'd heard she was at Emory. I sent her the following note to her hospital website:
SATURDAY, MARCH 08, 2008 07:52 AM, CST
Hi Missy:
I had a wonderful experience last Tuesday that I wish you could have been part of. Jerry, Shirley, Amy and I had dinner together for the first time in forever it seems. Though you were not there in body, you were there with us as we fondly remembered you as we reminisced about "the good ole days" when we worked together and about our lives now. We must have done a l-o-t of reminiscing 'cause we were there for almost three hours!!! Wow, that was almost one hour for each of us and just think, you could have made it another hour! Hurry and get well so we can all get together again.
You are in my prayers everyday, as well as your family. Be strong - I love you.
Carol Weaver carolcweaver@hotmail.com
Omega, GA
I was really surprised and pleased when she sent me the following in response:
From: msunday@windstream.net
To: carolcweaver@hotmail.com
Subject: jealous
Date: Sat, 8 Mar 2008 11:42:27 -0600
I am so glad you all were able to get together, I'm jealous. I wish I could have been the. The only time I am not at home is on Monday's and that is the day I go to Atlanta each week. Stop by and see me sometime. How is Corey and Joe?
Missy
I then sent her my response never knowing that it would be my last email to her: Had I known that, I would have said more about her, how my life was better knowing her, recalling past experiences, etc.
RE: jealous
From: Carol Weaver (carolcweaver@hotmail.com)
Sent: Sat 3/08/08 9:10 PM
To: msunday@windstream.net
Well shucky darn...you would have been home on Tuesday, huh? Amy had not known anything about you until I told her the other day and then when we got together Tuesday is when Shirley found out. And, I thought she'd already known about you. And, I had the impression you where up at Emory most of the time. Next time, I'm gonna check and make sure! We all decided though that we had to do this more often - every time Amy is down this way we are planning on getting together. I've visited quite often with Shirley, see Jerry occasionally on Sunday afternoons and speak with Amy quite frequently. It was so funny listening to us the other night between talking about grandchildren, our children, our nephews and nieces, our jobs, other people, etc., there weren't too many lapses in conversation. Jerry dressed up in some of her funky earrings, Shirley looked like she was going to church, Amy's hair has grown out again and she still laughs like she always did and me, well I was me.
We found us a table back in the corner, asked them to turn down the country music a little so we could hear better and pigged out on food and conversation. I loved it! It's amazing and wonderful to me that we could all still love each other and enjoy each others companionship. You were really missed. If I had known you were home, I would have come and got you myself if necessary. Like I said, next time I'll personally check on you!
Corey is wonderful. I can't remember if you've seen pictures of Derek yet? Corey called me today so excited. He had Derek fastened in his car seat sitting in Corey's 4 wheel drive truck and they were heading up for a little "guy time" in the mountains. He said he had plenty of diapers and enough bottles and he was sure he'd find a place to warm one up when needed. He was letting Nikki get a little downtime and he was out with his boy. After so much exposure to daycare kids, he's not afraid or too proud to change a diaper and doesn't mind it at all. We're flying out to finally meet my grandchild next month and I'm so looking forward to that.
Joe is doing fine. He did have two places cut off his back recently and they were cancerous, but the Dr. said he got it all. Two more places were cut out this week and we're hoping for the same result on those. He's started doing substitute teaching and it's just changed his whole outlook on life! It's like his self-worth has been elevated and he feels as though he's really contributing to our life. I'm loving it! and hearing about his exploits during the day with the little "snot-pickers" as he calls them.
I finally got a job and have now been there two weeks. Losing my job with the R&R has been the best thing for me. I'm not traveling long distances now, have super great benefits, work with a wonderful boss lady and also for the general manager when he needs something done. I've lost 6 lbs. in the last two weeks from all the walking and movement - that's an unexpected benefit. So life is great for me. I was getting a little panicky as I wasn't finding anything after months of trying, but the Lord knew what I needed and he came through!
Missy, I know everyone asks you if you need anything or if they can do anything for you. It sounds so cliche, but I am asking you, if you need anything, please let me know. I'm a terrible person who does try to keep in contact, but fall short of it. I have stopped by most every time I've been up or down the interstate, but always seems to miss you. But, I'll keep trying.
Hang in there. It's been my experience that when things seem to be the worse, that something good always happens. and, if it had not been for the bad thing, the good thing would never have happened. Do I make sense? Remember, "there needs to be opposition in all things". Take care. I love you.
Carol
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One of the best experiences I had with Missy and her daughter, Hannah, was when we went to Denver, Colorado with Julia Reifenberger to a national family child care conference (see the picture at the top). It was the first time on a airplane for both Missy and Hannah which made it even more fun for me. We all went out the day before the conference began so we could do some sight-seeing. One of the things we did was go up into Rocky Mountain National Park and got to see mountain goats and the gorgeous scenery. Coming home from the conference we spent the evening in the airport waiting for our midnight flight home. We virtually had the airport to ourselves and took our shoes off and lounged on the seats. We made it to our homes just as the sun was rising.
I got word last week while in Utah that Missy had taken a turn for the worse and was being brought home from the hospital to her mother's home and that Hospice was being brought in. I had received an email that Missy had 2-5 days to live as she had a bacterial infection that the doctors could not stop and it was entering her brain. The night after we arrived home, Joe and I went to see her. The following email tells about my experience as explained to the women at the R&R...
From: Carol Preston
Sent: Friday, April 18, 2008 11:30 AM
To: 'rcamarillo@kac-ccrr.org'
Subject: Missy
Good morning: I wanted you to know that Joe and I went to visit with Missy last night. I had been forewarned about what shape she was in and how she now looked, but nothing really could prepare me. My heart felt like it was breaking and the lump in my throat became so large I felt as though I couldn't swallow when I saw and spoke with her. When we arrived, Jamie was outside and we spoke for awhile and then he went inside to see how Missy was doing. Hannah saw me and came over and hugged me - she seemed to be holding up well considering. He said she'd had a bad day and didn't know whether she was awake and would even know who we were. He came back out and told us to come on in - she wanted to see us. I had brought along a Dairy Queen peanut buster parfait as a favor to Jerry. We knew she would most likely never eat it, but it was the remembrance. Used to every time we went to Atlanta for a meeting or conference, we always stopped at a Dairy Queen for a treat - usually a peanut buster parfait. And, each time we completed the provider newsletter, Jerry would always treat us to a DQ treat. Missy smiled when she saw it and said we'd just have to give it to Jamie. I promised her another one when she felt better.
We didn't stay long. I could tell she was very weak and struggling to speak. We told each other we loved one another and we left. My heart ached for her and Jamie, the kids and her family.
When we got back from our flight the night before last, I had to hurry to my email and see if I still had the last email that Missy and I had exchanged shortly before I left for Utah. I had. And then, I had to look at pictures I had of her. I think that's especially why I was so shocked by her present appearance. The only thing that looked like her was her eyes. I just wanted to hold her and take some of her pain away, but obviously can't. I wanted to kiss her when I left, but didn't for fear of contaminating her somehow.
We had another brief conversation with Jamie. He said he was still waiting to go on an airplane ride with me somewhere - a running joke we've had for years. Renee, it took every thing I had to not break down in front of her and then in front of everyone we passed in the house. We got in the car, drove down the road and then I flooded. I knew it was the last time I'd ever get to see her and that hurt alot! When we got back to Tifton, Joe and I then went to the hospital to check on Johnny. Shirley sent me the email yesterday about her taking him to the hospital. He looked good - considering. Anyway, I spoke with Jerry at their place in Blackshear and Amy yesterday so everyone is up to date unless something else has happened this morning that I am not aware of. If you hear anything, please let me know at this email address.
Thanks. :)
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I've kept thinking through all of this - how great it would have been had Missy and her family been members of the Church. They could have such comfort in the knowledge that they could be an eternal family. They could have had the blessings of the priesthood in their home and lives. I know how grateful I am for the testimony and faith that I have of this.
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It's Monday and I received a phone call at work this morning that Missy passed away in her sleep this morning. I feel a sense of relief, yet I feel a great sense of loss for her family, for me and anyone else who knew her. Her visitation will be held tomorrow and Jerry, Shirley, Amy and I will be going together and be with Missy one last time. We are then planning on going to a Dairy Queen, getting a peanut buster parfait and toasting a dear friend knowing that she would appreciate our token of love.
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As planned, we went to Missy's wake. It seemed everyone in Ashburn and Sycamore had come to pay their respects. How wonderful to have been loved by so many and that they would take the time to show that love. We waited in line for almost an hour and a half before we saw her in the casket. Amy and I just held hands and wept. Since she'd lost all her hair and hated to wear a wig, a ballcap had been placed on her head. It just seemed so surreal to see her lying there. And then it was so hard to speak with Jamie. What can you say? What can you do?
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Tiffany rode with Joe and me to the funeral. When we got to the very crowded church, we sat with Jerry and Amy. I cannot describe the feeling that came over me when they closed her casket. Jerry, Amy and I all reached for each other's hand instantaneously. It was as though the finality of her life hit you. It was a beautiful funeral presided over two of her minister's. It was wonderful to sit and listen to stories about her life and be able to nod agreeing from time to time. So, with all that probably needs to be written, my story of Missy comes to a final end. May our Heavenly Father find a special place for her in heaven - maybe taking care of some of the little ones who are missed by their families.
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