911 - This is a non-emergency. No lights or sirens, please!

My morning began with hearing Joe call me from somewhere outside the bedroom. I was having my best night's sleep in a long time. Carol. Carol. Carol.

There he was in the bathtub. According to him, he WAS outside the tub drying off when he lost his balance and fell backwards back into the bathtub. Did you know:

• Each year, 350 people drown in their bathtubs. You are 151 times more likely to be killed by your bathtub than you are by a pit bull and/or;
• Seven hundred ten persons drowned in bathtubs in 1979 and 1980 and/or;
• Of the 24000 accidental deaths of people over the age of 65 every year, many take place in the bathroom from slipping and falling when entering and exiting the bathtub. Joe is now 66 years old.

I told him all that while he was lying nekkid in the bottom of the tub.

Seriously, he didn't appear to be hurt only totally unable to get out of the tub. After a great deal of struggling, we did manage to have him "slither" on the side of the tub, but then he was stuck on the bathroom rug and couldn't get up. I no longer was able to help so that's when I threw on a house dress and called 911. I told the dispatcher I needed help, but that it was a non-emergency and begged for no lights or sirens. They granted my wish. Six burly, hunky dudes showed up. There I was standing in my house dress and morning bed head hair going off in a million directions. But in a matter of moments nekkid man was standing tall and the burly dudes all disappeared.

I did call the dialysis office to let them know to be on the lookout for any strange behaviour, but all went well.